DETECTIVE'S LOG

CHAPTER EIGHTY-FIVE - O Who Fore Art Thou, Ace

2007-09-11T04:13:00.000-07:00

WHEN WE LEFT OUR HEROES, MIKE WAS IN PURSUIT OF EDDIE'S CAPTORS AS EDDIE WAS DRAGGED FROM HIS CELL TO THE EXECUTION AREA, SLAMMED UP AGAINST THE WALL AS HIS ASSAILANT WAS INTENT ON ENDING HIS LIFE WITH 500 ROUNDS OF AMMUNITION.

As Eddie's bound hands were looped around a spike in the wall, his back turned to his captors, he felt the urge to cry out, to beg for his life, but he cast those detrimental urges aside and preferred to face his fate like the proud righteous crimefighter he had become over the last couple of years, the sort of man he had always aspired to be - with the help of his hero, his mentor, his lover, the man who had turned his life around completely and who had given him a real purpose in life - Mike Batz. The painful thought of never seeing Mike again would far outweigh the agony he was about to suffer as an entire magazine of ammunition was about to simultaneously mutilate and obliterate Eddie's smooth, sinewy, well-toned physique.

"Some partner you have, there, kid. Where is he now? Too afraid to come to your rescue? Fucking coward - you're better off without him."

"No", Eddie sneered as he stood facing the wall, "you're the real cowards here. You don't even have the guts to look your victim in the eye."

"Ya know what - I've had it with this Boy-Blowhard, let's just get this overwith."

Eddie braces himself, knowing his life was about to end having been spent in the best possible way. He was ready to meet his maker - at least He wouldn't be afraid to look Eddie in the eye.

The machine gun was cocked, the assassin's finger slowly wrapped itself around the trigger, then a horrifying blast of gunpowder filled the room. Eddie felt the impact against his back and slightly fell forward, his knees buckling. The room fell silent as the shooting stopped. Eddie opened his eyes, realised he was still on his feet, didn't feel the great agony he had anticipated, looked around and determined he was still alive.

"Did they miss?", he asked himself. "No, they couldn't have - I felt something hit my back, something knocked the wind out of me." He then heard the hellish chorus of raucous laughter - all at his expense.

"My God, what a fool - you fell for it!"

"What in God's name are you talking about?"

"You were shot with blank cartridges!"

Of course - the blast of air, the empty shell casings - that's what hit him, but did not penetrate - perhaps a bruising. But this was nothing compared to the bruising he was about to cause - if he could just rip himself free, which is what he was about to do.

Eddie grew more furious by the minute. Being enraged can leave one with a sense of super-human strength. He violently yanked himself free of his bonds, shredded them as if they were made of papier-mache and lunged toward the throat of his executioner, shouting, "I'm gonna KILL YOU!"

Two of the henchmen ran up from behind and each grabbed one of Eddie's arms and stretched them side to side as his would-be assassin picked up the weapon and slapped Eddie across the face with the butt of the weapon, then jabbed the weapon right into his torso, causing his body to buckle.

"We were just messin' with ya before - but now you really asked for it." He aimed a 38-caliber revolver and began to shoot at Eddie's head. As the bullets hit, he let out blood-curdling screams and guttural sobs of pain as he furiously kicked in a vain attempt to break loose.

The henchmen then released their grip and Eddie fell to the ground, feeling the top of his head, looking at his blood-stained hands - he knew his time had come. But, on further examination, Eddie kept patting the top of his head, and didn't feel any shrapnel. Sure he was cut and bleeding and he did feel a burning sensation, but the bullets didn't penetrate - they merely grazed his scalp. There were bullet holes in the wall behind him, right where he was held in a villainous grip.

His enemies were amused at the torment through which they were putting their prisoner. "Woe, look at him fall apart. I only wish his fuck-faced little Boss-Man was here, we'd really make mince-meat outta him."

Then the door is kicked open and the entire room was startled to hear the raspy voice of reason snarl, "All right - I'm here - so start mincing."

Mike struts into the room, Eddie leaps over to his side, followed by two vaguely familiar figures; one clad in a black tee-shirt, sunglasses, a black baseball cap, skin-tight black jeans and steel-toed boots, and skin-tight leather gloves. The other was clad in a pure white tee-shirt, sunglasses, faded blue jeans, yes, skin-tight, and also with steel-toed boots, and skin-tight leather gloves.

"Sorry I took so long, but I picked up a couple of buddies along the way. Slimy thugs, I'd like ya to say how-do-you-do to Ace and Rick."

"SHIT! I heard about those guys - we're dead meat!"

Another thug slaps him across the back of the head and shouts, "shut up!"

Both Ace and Rick greet their opponents with a boy-scout salute.

"Holy betrayal", thought Eddie, "Our very own Green Hornet and Kato. Why'd he bring them along?"

Ace snarls, "so nice of you to look after our Eddie while we were away. Hope he wasn't any trouble..."

Tim finishes the thought, "...'cuz we intend to be!"

This is, of course, a quadruple Batz-fight - one good guy to one bad guy. At one point, Mike is grabbed by his throat, only to be rescued from behind by Eddie, grabbing the thug and punching his face in, but his arms are grabbed from behind, his body held in place while another thug wails on his stomach. Ace and Rick jump in - the sight of four fine flying forearms and a bevy of beautiful biceps, two draped in white cotton sleeves, two in black - Ace and Rick - the ying and yang. Ace picks up and brandishes one of the weapons and slams a thug in the face. As he falls back, Tim grabs him and shouts, "finish 'im off!" Ace runs up and grabs the guy by the head, completely twisting his neck around. He falls dead. Ace and Rick stand grinning proudly over their handiwork. Eddie witnesses the whole thing and stares shocked and silent. This was the guy who grazed Eddie's head with those deadly bullets.

Mike's and Eddie's guys are subdued and handcuffed, and Mike radioes in for police officers to collect them. The four felon-fighters scatter about and gather evidence, including the video camera which photographed all of those gruesome images of Eddie with a noose around his neck.

Eddie continues to stare back and forth between a proud-looking Ace and the thug with the twisted neck. Ace notices Eddie's stare and grins at him as if to say, "how'd I do, eh? Pretty damn good!" As the police come in to collect the thugs, including the now-dead one, Eddie approaches Ace, who smiles and pats and rub's the boy's shoulder. Eddie shrugs his hand off as his stare grows cold and angry.

"How could you?"

Ace is perturbed, "excuse me?"

"How can you take a human life and stand there like you just caught 'the big one' "

Tim is now irritated and interjects, "Eddie you can't be serious - the guy took two shots at your head!"

Ace calmly re-traces his steps and explains it to him, "We hear the shots, we walk in, I spot spent shell casings, hear your shouts, see your face contorted in pain, see you with a blood-stained hand and a scratch on your head. I spot the one with residue on his fingers, I become enraged, I charge at him, I break his neck."

This means absolutely nothing to Eddie as he goes on further, "why, you're nothing but a vengeful vigilante - not even a licensed investigator. I heard all about you - you just hit the streets looking for trouble and you don't give a flying darn who you hurt in the process."

Mike tries to intercede and puts his hand on Eddie's shoulder, only to have the boy rebuff him and shrug his hand off.

"Stay outta this, Mike - this is between me and him."

Rick, on the other hand, only grows more furious himself and keeps looking at Ace, wondering why he doesn't just rip Eddie a new one, too. All Ace can do at this moment is draw a breath of resignation and walk off into the sunset.

"You'll understand someday - Let's go Rick - our work is done here. Mike, good to see you as always - I'll be in touch".

Rick tries to follow, "Yo, Ace! Wait up, man!"

Mike intercedes, "No, I'll go see about Ace. I think maybe you and Eddie oughta..."

"Yeah - you're right."

Mike leaves the room - the following two conversations take place simultaneously:

SIDEKICKS:
"Eddie, what the hell was that all about? My guy sticks up for you and you just spit in his face!"

"This isn't your concern, Rick - or Tim - or whoever the heck you are these days."

HEROES:
Mike spots Ace in one of the hallways in this abandoned building, "Hey! RODNEY!"

Ace freezes in his tracks and turns to face Mike.

Mike smiles at him, "I just wanna thank you and Tim for helpin' us out there."

Even with sunglasses, Mike could still sense a look of sadness and hurt over the Face of Ace. Mike knew why the guy was down, but should he blow it off or confront the situation? If confronting it, how should he go about it. He decided on a happy medium of sorts. He reached over and patted Ace's arm.

"Hey, come on, Rod - ya did good today - the two of ya. Hell, I wasn't even sure which one of 'em hurt Eddie like that. You did - you pinpointed who did it and let him have it. That was awesome."

SIDEKICKS:
"Ace saw you were wounded and he took action. You'd have done the same thing if Mike was almost killed, and you know it."

"Yeah, but...snappin' the guy's neck? He's not even a real gumshoe - he's just out for revenge of some kind. And what are you doin' runnin' around with him? You were a top notch mechanic before."

"Oh, yeah, sure", scoffs Tim, "one of the best. What was my reward? My own boss shot me and had me hung up on a tool rack."

HEROES:
"Hey, come on, off with the shades, would ya? Best if I could look ya in the eye. It's all right - it's just you and me here."
Ace took his shades off. Mike sees a look of real sadness and hurt in his eyes and reaches over and puts his arm around the unmasked hero.

"I know. Eddie really went off on ya - I'm sorry for that - he had no business."

"I'm not a bad guy. When I saw that Eddie got shot - I didn't plan on killin' that thug - I just got so worked up..."

"You were lookin' out for my boy. I can't tell you what that meant to me."

"You know I'd do anything for you - Eddie, too - you guys are a part of each other."

"I'm glad you can accept that."

SIDEKICKS:

Eddie nods in resignation, "yeah, I remember that. But what's this guy Ace have to offer you that another job wouldn't?"

"Same thing ya got going with Mike, I'd think. All that excitement and danger and then that sweet feeling ya get for a job well done. Crimefighting's gotta be one of the coolest gigs out there."

"Even with the sunglasses and the weird names? I mean, come on - Rick Righteous?"

"Hey - you don't go steppin' on our methods."

"Does that guy ever take his shades off? Do you?"

"We gotta keep 'em on - we're always in disguise."

"But, why?"

"Can't tell ya that - not my call - that's up to Ace. But ya know what, I will make this call. Now, I may not be a licensed gumshoe, but I suspect it's not our unorthodoxed manner of crimefighting that's buggin' ya."

"I don't know what you mean."

"Oh, come on, I'm not buyin' any of that unlicensed crap for a minute. You're jealous of Ace because he knew Mike before you did. That night he recruited me after I got fired from the garage, Mike and him went into another room and you're eyes were so green."

Eddie all to vehemently insisted, "that's got nothing to do with..."

"You're JEALOUS!"

"That's not.."

"JEALOUS!"

"Don't you use any interrogation tactics on ME, pal!"

"I'll keep sayin' it til you finally do."

"ALL RIGHT! Just LOOK at him - he's hotter than heck - he's closer to Mike's age, he's got a great body, he's tough as nails - his whole get up even gave me a hard-on...but you know who he really is, and so does Mike, I still don't. Mike never told me about him."

"Did ya ask?"

"Of course I did - Mike just tossed it off as 'oh he's an old friend of mine I met while working a case' and just left it at that. I don't appreciate being left in the dark here."

"Okay, then - why don't we go out there and I'll introduce ya to him."

HEROES:

"Hey, if you ask me, I think Eddie's a little worked up I never told him all about you - "

"Yeah, but you should - you should've let him know from the get-go. We're all crimefighting brothers here - there's a bond, ya know? My trust in you notwithstanding, if I can't trust your boy with my identity, who can I trust?"

The sidekicks walk out into the hallway and approach their respective heroes. Ace quickly turns around and puts his mask back on, hopeing Eddie doesn't see his face. Eddie goes right up to Mike who give him an "it's okay" smile. He then looks at Ace, and says, "All right, Ace - just who are you, anyway."

Mike interjects, "Eddie, I can't disclose that..."

"Why the heck not?"

"Because there's a price on my head", says Ace. "The Mafia is after me and if I'm ever spotted, I'm to be executed - no questions asked."

"What? You gotta be puttin' me on - Mike?"

"It's true, Kiddo. I was there from the get-go."

"My real name's Rodney Campbell. I was a cab driver a few years ago - of course it's my job, or it was then, to take anyone anywhere they wanted to go, no questions asked. My passenger was wanted by the mob - he owed them a fortune and was in hiding himself. But he got found out. He let his guard down and exited my cab, and as he was paying me, he was spotted. His ememies drove up to us, he got scared, I memorized the license number, I jumped out to grab him, to try to get him back in but we were both shot a few times and we fell to the ground. I was in pain all over, I couldn't tell where I'd been hit. I tried to get back up, but every move I made was agony. The guy kept apologizing left and right, but it wasn't his fault."

Mike added, "I was down the street and I heard the shots, so I drove around the vicinity and spotted the whole thing. I started shootin' back at the bad guys - one returned fire and nicked me a little, so I plugged him but good - the other one got away. I thought for sure that Ace and his passenger would be dead, but I heard moaning and it was him, really hangin' in there. Oh, God, ya shoulda seen him, bullet wounds all over him."

"Yeah, but ya know somethin', Eddie? I kinda felt a rush, like I was doin' somethin' worthwhile for once, ya know? The bullets were hittin' me left and right, but I just wanted to hang in there for this guy, protect him - he was still alive and he was gonna make it. I felt like a real hero for the first time in my life."

"That's cuz you were, Ace. You're a civilian and you risked your life to save someone else's - wanting nothing in return."

Mike continues, "His rehab lasted for months, so I took him in, had him stay with me for a while. I thought somebody this tough should be doin' more than drivin' a cab. And he was placed in the witness protection program, and since I was around at the time, I was entrusted with his secret identity, and I took a vow to never reveal it."

"Mike, I think it's okay - Eddie's with you and a good guy in your eyes is a good guy in mine."

He removed his shades by pressing a button on his belt buckle which was a remote control device unlocking the shades. Tim followed suit.

"This is in case anyone ever captured us and tried to remove our masks - they have to be electronically unlocked - anyone who tries to force them off would get charged 50 volts."

Eddie just about melted when he saw what was behind the shades, the mask. It was a beautiful, boyish pair of baby-brown eyes, not much older than the two sidekicks.

"Gosh, you're so young."

"Yeah, I'm 28."

"And you gotta live the rest of your life in disguise?"

"If I want to live out a good long life, then, yeah."

"That goes for Tim, too?"

Tim nodded.

"When I first recruited him, I explained my situation and swore him to secrecy."

Tim added, "He told me how much he admired hearing about helping you guys out when you rescued me. We talked about how we had the same experiences-workin' for a cab company, gettin' shot on the job, helpin' to fight back, that kinda thing. I never really thought about crimefighting before, but then..."

He looks at Ace and the two exchange warm smiles and put their arms around each others' shoulders.

"...I got a great chance at another life, thanks to him. It's really been a blast."

He pats Ace's chest.

"Just like you and Mike."

"So, Eddie, you wanna know if Mike and I were ever together - the answer's yes. After I was fully recovered, he wanted me as his partner - in that sense, too - and I said I gotta go out and get these guys - he said 'lemme help you - we could get 'em together', and I knew this was mine to deal with and mine alone. He has a great PI practice and I didn't want him to focus on just one case or go into hiding just for my sake. So, I took off. Tim's my new partner now in every sense of the word. I'm grateful to know that Mike has a real prize partner in you, and it was a privilege to kick some ass with you." Ace chuckles and adds, "it was a lotta fun today, wasn't it!"

Eddie smiles, "it sure was - apart from this headache I'm about to get."

Rodney peers over the top of Eddie's head and touches it lightly. "Yeah, you'd better see to that - it doesn't look like a serious wound, but it's good to get it checked out."

"You're right. Hey, listen, uh, I'm real sorry for what I said back there..."

Ace breaks him off, "nah, that's cool - -"

"No, it's not. I let petty jealousy get in the way. It was really small of me. I shoulda been grateful from the get-go 'cuz the three of ya saved my life - and I know you twisted that guy's neck outta anger for what he did to me - you were really lookin' out for me there. It's good to know we got you in our corner and that if I were killed today, that Mike would be in good hands."

Eddie reaches to hug the tight-tee-shirted twosome, and they reciprocate. Ace and Mike both hug and kiss each other on the cheek, saying so-long.

Tim pats Eddie's right arm, "feel better?"

Eddie does likewise, "sure do. Thanks again."

They also kiss each other on the cheek.

"Hey, no sweat. Looks like me-n-Ace are takin' off, so...be good."

"You, too"

Ace and Rick take off into the sunset as Eddie, arm in arm with Mike, look on. Then they look into each other's eyes and melt into each other's arms and share a passionate kiss.

"Gosh, it's so good to hold you again."

"Same for me, kiddo - same for me. Hey, let's get the hell outta here, huh?"

Eddie smiles and whispers, "Roger", and off they go.

As the two walk, Eddie grows pensive. "Hey, Mike, can I ask you something?"

"Sure, Eddie - what's up?"

"I kinda felt a little down when I saw how much fun Ace and Rick are having together."

"Why's that?"

Then Eddie's words really sink in and Mike is taken aback.

"Hey, wait a second - is there something wrong here - something about the life - your life with me? C'mon, Eddie, talk to me."

Eddie smiles and assures Mike, "no - there's nothing wrong with us - you and me will always be good - I'm in love with you and I'll always be. But I think - - oh, gosh, I don't know - - do you think I've gotten more serious? Maybe a little too rigid, or something?"

"I don't getcha - I mean, you are growing up and gettin' more mature."

"It's just that I don't think I'm as fun-loving as I used to be. Sure my life was pretty miserable, like Tim's was, but when we got together, it opened up a whole new life for me, too - I got my will to live back - my sense of humor came back - these past couple of years have really rocked, but..."

"You have grown and are still growing into an incredible crimefighter and I can see you've devoted your life to it. Are you thinking that since you're now fighting for justice at all costs, and how important it is to ya, that maybe you feel you can't have some fun with it, too?"

He chuckes at the memory, "you were pretty funny then - I think you still can be - if you just relax and go with the flow like you did at first."

"Aw, but I was just some kid off the streets who met up with this really hot gumshoe and the thought of all these adventures we'd have, and all, but, yeah, I really take crimefighting a lot more serious as the years have gone by."

"As well you should - we have the safety and well being of every citizen in this town to guard - a huge responsibility - but if you feel you had to sorta hunker down and not let yourself have any fun with it, it's not true. I fell in love with a boy who not only defended me and saved my life in that alleyway, but the same boy who always had a big smile, always quick with a quip. No, you don't wanna let yourself get all hard-nosed just yet, boy. That's my part - you're supposed to rejuvenate me and all that stuff...sure, I'm the older of the two of us and I've seen some real wicked stuff over the years and when I was by myself, it did get to me - it jaded me - But then someone like you comes along, cheers me up - you knocked me out of a longterm depression, you realize that. Ace had to go away to protect himself and you dealt with my former sidekick and boss-man and nearly lost your life, if not your mind. You make me happy - all that holy gee-whillikers stuff - you bring a smile to my face - you cheer me up - you make me wanna live again - to the fullest."

"Really?"

"You sure do - Don't deprive yourself of the gift you've given me. Please?"

"You got it."

As the two keep walking, Eddie stops in his tracks.

"I never said gee-whillikers."

"Oh, yes you did."

"Holy Jimmy Olsen - no WAY!"

"Way."

"Awwwww."

CHAPTER EIGHTY-FOUR - It Happened One Morning

2007-09-07T14:06:00.000-07:00

On a clear, cloudless summer's day, our heroes are out on a bit of personal business, but danger awaits as a vehicle across the way is holding a stake-out. We know they're going to fall into some foul hands, but of what sort?

One of the thugs behind the wheel is peering through a pair of binoculars and spots the duo's car.

"Oooh yeah, just what I've always wanted. The dashin' dick-mobile right there in front of our eyes."

An over-eager henchman is wringing his hands and practically salivating in anticipation. "Ya gonna wipe 'em out, boss, huh?"

An evil grin grows across the boss's face. "No. Not yet, anyway. I just wanna get my hands on the two of 'em, bring 'em both to their knees and do whatever the hell I want to them. No jury would convict me - 'cuz they're never gonna know."

As he keeps peering through the bino's, Eddie pops out.

"One down - one to go."

But then Eddie's by himself. No trace of Mike. This, of course, disturbs their enemies.

"Oh, God, what the hell - the kid's all by himself?!?"

"Oh, this is much better - wiping Batz out is only the icing on the cake. Get the kid by himself and Batz's torment would be endless. Come on, let's go grab 'im."

No sooner than Eddie unlocks the door and is about to get in, he hears gun barrels being cocked and one is thrust right in his chest and the other is at the back of his head.

"Get your hands up! HANDS UP! HANDS UP!"

Eddie realized he's trapped by the gun-weilding gang and puts his hands up. They're thrust behind his back and tied down, but he manages to hoist himself up enough to kick one of the thugs in the face. He then breaks loose, ripping the ropes off his hands. He takes a couple of swings, knocking one thug over, but little does he realize another thug smashes the backs of his knees with a billy-club, sending him straight down. The poor boy is recaptured, his hands are re-tied and his feet are bound - the bad guys even angrier and out to hurt him even more. One of the thugs aims a gun and is about to shoot when he's held off. "Not yet, not yet - we'll kill him later - I just wanna fuck with the two of them for a while. Come on, let's toss him in."

"Gotcha boss"

The back of a van is opened and Eddie is dragged to the opening and screams "no" repeatedly as he's hoisted up and thrown inside.

A police officer, on routine patrol, sees the melee and attempts to subdue the bad guys with gunfire. Bullets are exchanged and the poor officer is shot in the upper left chest.

Meanwhile, a civilian witnesses the whole thing. After the officer is wounded, the thugs open fire on the street, discouraging any would-be witnesses. As gunfire erupts, the civilian not only calls Mike to report Eddie's fate, but also calls 9-11 to report "officer down - officer down". The thugs are alerted to the presence of the boy witness and he is trapped behind a tree behind which he is taking cover from the barrage of bullets. He is so pumped with adrenaline that he doesn't even feel it when he's shot in the leg. He miraculously escapes death as the thugs drive away with their prize and with a shaken civilian and a wounded police officer in their wake. The young witness sees the coast is clear to get from behind the tree and tends to the fallen cop.

"I saw the whole thing - how bad are you hit?"

The officer grunts and holds his left shoulder, "up in here - shouldn't be too bad - it just knocked the wind outta me. You, too, it looks like."

"I don't getcha."

"You got hit, too. Look at your leg."

The kid looks down and sees blood trickling down his calf. "Holy cow - I didn't even feel anything - I just ran right over here."

"Natural enough - it's adrenaline."

"Wow - help should arrive soon - I called them when I saw you get shot."

"I called them, too - but since you got hit, too, maybe we can each take one. I think we oughta call the kid's partner."

"I already did."

Mike drives up in a fury - "okay, who called about my kid? You better not have been screwin' with me."

The cop confirms it, "nah, it's true, Detective. Some thugs nabbed your partner and drove off with him and we both got shot when we intervened."

"WHAT?"

The adrenaline wears off and the wounded witness now feels the pain of the bullet and sits on the ground. He recalls, "I saw the whole thing - they grabbed him with guns. I tried to take cover when they started shooting."

"Where'd they get ya?"

"In the leg. Startin' to hurt - I didn't even know at first - but I should be okay."

"Can ya tell me anything like the make of the car - anything?"

"I wrote the plate number down - it was a blue chevy. They were parked in front of my place for the longest time. I was gonna call the cops thinking they were loitering, and that's when they grabbed your boy. They did a u-turn and sped off. I got the number written down inside - by the phone."

"Good job. Come on, let's getcha both some help."

"They're on the way", says the cop.

Two ambulances arrive, tending to both the samaritan witness and the cop. The kid hands over his camera to Mike with the crime photos. Both victims are rushed off to the hospital to treat their wounds - leaving Mike in the middle of the street, trying to take it all in.

It was so unbelievable - it all happened so fast. Less than one hour ago, Mike had asked Eddie to pick up a package containing 2nd anniversary gifts for the two of them - the package remained on the back seat of their car, now not being driven by Eddie. There was the opened car door, there were spatters of blood on the street, there were bullet holes in the tree trunk down the street, bullet holes in the outer walls of nearby buildings. Mike took the package out of the car and went to his other one, calling for a tow truck to take the other vehicle back to the house.

It was so unbelievable - it all happened so fast. Less than one hour ago, there was the promise of a new day. What would Mike and Eddie be doing together right now? Would they be interrupted by a knock on the door - a missing husband, stolen jewelry, embezzlement, a contract out on some dame.

Mike waited for the tow truck in his other car, one hand on the steering wheel, his head in his other hand. He makes another phone call. "Uh, hi - - it's me - Mike. Could you swing by my place? It's about Eddie - it's not good. I'm a total wreck - I need you."

It was so unbelievable - it all happened so fast.

Meanwhile back in the van, Eddie struggles to get loose and is once again beaten with a billy-club. "You murderous maniacs - who are you guys? What do you want from me?"

"To lure that stupid boss-man of yours to your rescue and really bring him to his knees."

"Mike never goes down on his knees except if he loses a contact lens! He'll get you guys for this for sure - we both will!"

"Jesus H. Fuck, could ya shut the kid up - he's gettin' on my nerves", growls the kingpin.

"Yeah, sure thing, boss", says the thug as he reaches for a chloroform rag. Eddie struggles against the rag until he's subdued.

"Finally - now I can hear myself think without that stupid Boy Wonder gibberish."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Several hours later, Eddie finally wakes up and slowly takes in his unfamiliar surroundings - he tries to get up but finds his movement is limited as his hands are tied behind his back with plasticuffs, and he looks down to see his feet are also bound in this fashion. He struggles in vain to pop them open, but realizes it's no use. Then he hears a voice over a loudspeaker.

"Forget it, kid. Those things are never coming off until we cut them open."

"What's this all about? What the heck are you DOING?!?!?"

"Going forward, all information will be on a need-to-know basis. You don't need to know just yet - because you're still alive." Maniacal laughter follows. "Feeling frightened yet?"

"NEVER! I've been in worse predicaments than this and I always overcome them."

"Oh, yes? We'll see about that, my sinewy sleuth."

At that moment, two henchmen break in and seize the boy, each of them grabbing one arm, and drag him to another room. Eddie struggles against their grip, and one of the goons asks, "should we knock him out again, boss?"

"No - better to have him just as he is. I love a challenge."

Eddie struggles and repeatedly screams "NO - PLEASE!" as a rope is looped around his neck. His face turns beet red and his veins are popping out as sweat pours down his face.

"WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?!?"

A goon backhands the boy right across the face. "Like the boss says, shit-face - need-to-know basis."

"Well, this much I'll tell you - you're going to die - the slow, painful way, of course, and Mike is going to witness every delicious minute of it."

A goon is setting up a video camera on a tri-pod.

"Where did you want this, boss?"

"Oh, right there should be good - just get his upper body - oh, wait - get a shot of his feet first."

The goon lowers the camera and photographs Eddie's bound feet.

"No, no, you misunderstand, doll", the boss sneers as he hands the goon a weapon. "I mean really get a SHOT of his feet first."

The grinning goon says, "ri-i-ight. How could I be so stupid?"

"No, you're not stupid - you just have some things to learn is all - but fret not - I will teach you."

Camera set on Eddie's feet, gun aimed there as well.

"Lights, camera - FIRE ONE!"

A shot is fired and Eddie screams in pain as a small dart is plunged into his ankle, giving him a nasty cut.

"A little higher please."

Another dart is shot right into the boy's arm. Both missles are removed after a few seconds.

"You did well, my fine flatfoot. Your mealy-mouthed mentor is going to lose his mind after he sees this. Oh, uh, give our darling detective a little slack on the noose so he can make himself to home. Come, gents, let's get this show on the road - or in the post."

Eddie's captors leave him alone - at least for now. His arm and foot bleeding, the rope still tied around his neck, his feet and hands remaining bound, Eddie resists at first, but finally gives in, moans, "oh, God, Mike..." and silently sobs.

Just as with Mike, Eddie also cries for the day which had started out so beautifully - little did he ever realize that only a couple of hours later, Eddie would be tormented and crying for his man.

A few steps down the hall, one of the goons opens his yap. "Gee, boss, do ya think we're goin' a little too far?"

He's instantly pistol-whipped across the face

"Never question my motives. Suffice it to say that Mike Batz never worried about going too far with me. It's true that neither you guys nor that kid were around in those days, this is really between himself and I, but that kid is the only way we can really get to him. Cute little guy, isn't he? It's a shame he chose to live on the wrong side of the law. Anyway, lecture over, time to put this operation into full gear."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

NOW BACK TO MIKE - I know what you're thinking - that Mike has another guy on the side when Eddie's either out shopping or being held prisoner by gun-toting sadists, but that's not it. No, the guy he called earlier is none other than an old friend - a fellow crimebuster goes by the name of Ace Justice. As you'll recall, Tim the mild-mannered mechanic went off to fight as Ace's sidekick after Mike and Eddie rescued him. Well, Mike's about to join forces with the tight-tee-shirted twosome. They are known as such in the papers as whenever they bust down a bad guy, they're usually described as wearing tight tee-shirts - and they are a twosome, so....

Anyhow, Ace and Tim, in his guise as Rick Righteous show up at Mike's and find him in very low spirits. Shortly thereafter, automatic gunfire blasts through Mike's windows and a package tied to a rock is sent crashing in.

Rick shouts, "holy molotov cocktail!"

Ace shouts, "get back! It could be a letter bomb!"

Mike says, "Right - lemme get the body shields!"

Rick wrings his hands and asks, "gosh, boss, these thugs really mean business."

Ace spots some writing on the package. It says "Eddie"

"I dunno about this, Rick. It says it has something to do with Eddie. But we can't go anywhere near it without Mike's shields. None of us needs to get hurt."

"I gotcha, Boss, but isn't that a chance we gotta take? I mean, Eddie's in trouble and all - it's up to us."

"Good point, but I'd like us all to stay healthy long enough to get these pigs and crush 'em."

Mike returns with the body shields and the threesome carefully examine the package marked "Eddie". The envelope is opened slowly and cautiously. It turns out to be a VHS tape.

"Darn thugs are so behind the times", Rick smirks.

"No time for humor just now, kid. Let's watch this and see what we're dealing with."

The tape features Eddie's neck wrapped in a noose while he's shot with darts, as well as a speech Eddie appears to have been forced to read.

"Mike - hi, it's Eddie - I just want you to know I'm doing okay and you're not to worry about me. I'll be released real soon - we just gotta do what these guys say."

Mike becomes incensed and starts to lunge toward the tv set. Ace stops him by putting an arm out. "Hold it, Mike - they're forcing him to say all of this. Look off to the side, that shadow."

"It's a shotgun", says Rick, "pointed right at him."

"You notice Eddie blinking a lot?", says Ace. "Not because he's dry-eyed. That's morse code."

Mike asks what he's saying.

Ace smiles as he rewinds the tape. "Mike, you got yourself a clever sidekick there. I think he's blinking out the location of the hideout."

Mike also beams with pride, "good BOY, kiddo. And you, too, for noticing. My boy doesn't miss a trick."

"Then it's settled", says Rick. "We just go over there and rip them all a new one - they won't know what hit 'em. We'll get there in no time."

"Good idea", says Mike, "but I think we gotta strategize. It's me those thugs want - and we gotta be careful that Eddie comes out okay in this. We gotta get him outta there alive and unharmed."

-------------------------------

Sounds like a plan, all right, but what our heart-throbbin' heroes don't know is that at that moment, henchmen burst into Eddie's cell and fire several rounds of ammunition in the air, beating Eddie, roping and tying him down and dragging him off.

"the boss wants to see ya - boy are you gonna get it now!"

WHAT HEINOUS FATE LIES IN STORE FOR OUR DOOMED DETECTIVE? RICK KNOWS THEY'LL GET THERE IN NO TIME - BUT IS NO TIME - - IN TIME?

CHAPTER EIGHTY-NINE - A Real Bond

2007-06-13T04:42:00.000-07:00

When we left our heroes, Mike was roped and hung and beaten to a pulp, Eddie was overcome by poisonous fire ants and a local cop who decided to join in on their investigation, Billy Gervis, was stabbed in the arm while struggling with their nemesis, Herman, who runs a cannibalistic bed-n-breakfast with his mother. The two were apprehended, Mike and Billy will soon be treated for their wounds and be back on their feet in no time, but Eddie's life is still in grave danger.

MIKE - I got the crap beaten outta me and was treated for bruises, and Boy-Cop Billy was treated for that slash on his arm. I knew we'd both be okay - I'd been through worse and Billy was shot on duty - the day he lost his partner. But what about Eddie? He fell unconscious back at that dump after being wasted by those god-damned ants. Both of those boys suffered horrible torture - Billy had to watch video of his partner dying, and Eddie was eaten alive. At this point, I was mad enough to breathe fire - I wanted blood for what those animals did to them - two sweet boys who never did a thing to anyone. This was beyond your usual cops-n-robbers stuff.

"Detective?"

"Wha- oh, hey, there."

It was one of the doctors working on Eddie.

"How's he gonna be? Is he gonna be okay?"

"That's exactly what we're working on now. Your friend was bleeding internally after all those bites, so we're stitching all that up. We did stabilize his vital signs so far, so there's no real reason for concern. You got him here in good time and all there's left to do is wait."

"Thank you"

Wait - oh, is that all? God these places make me nuts.

In another room, Billy's arm was getting stitched up and a bandage was placed on the wound. He was advised to take it easy and come back in about a week to check the wound to see if it was healing. With his good arm, he shook the doctor's hand and was checking out. While there, he asked an attending nurse how Mike and Eddie were doing. Although they all came in at the same time, from the same scene of the crime, the by-the-book Ratched refused to disclose any information as Billy was neither significant other nor family.

"I'm a police officer and I was working this investigation with the other two gentlemen, and..."

"I understand, but this is hospital policy. If there's any problem, you can take it up with my superiors."

He sneered slightly and growled, "I'm gonna take up a lot more than that." He walked away frustrated, but just as he turned his head, he caught a glimpse of Mike down the hall, in the waiting area. He turned back to the very uncooperative desk nurse and sneered, "the heck with you - I'll ask him myself."

At this point, Mike walked over to a window, folded his arms and just stared straight out - anything to ease his mind, but it wasn't working very well. Billy approached him from behind, calling out to him. No response. Mike had been so distracted by his own anguish over Eddie he saw and heard nothing, but he felt a hand on his shoulder. His first reaction was to jump and get into a defensive stance, but then he realized it was Billy, and there was nothing to defend himself against here.

"Oh, sorry, kid, I guess it's just a reflex."

Billy smiled and said, "nah, don't worry about it".

"They took care of you back there?"

"Yeah, sure did - I gotta come back in a week to look at the stitches - all 78 of them."

"Holy crap - that's a pretty deep cut."

"Yeah, nearly severed a nerve, but they caught it - it should be all right..." Then he feels a sharp stinging sensation and holds his arm, grimacing -

"...but how're you holding up?"

MIKE - I always play the tough guy - comes with the territory - never let 'em see ya sweat. Villains - citizens - they can't see ya weak. Only Eddie knows my pain, my struggles, my weaknesses - it's nothing for this kid to find out. So I thought. I was ready to put on the old hard-nosed bit, but the sight of this baby-blue-eyed angel got to me. This wasn't just any average-Joe on the street - this boy saved our lives - we might've gotten out of our traps, maybe we wouldn't - who knows - but this kid deserves the truth - my eyes darted back and forth on his.

"I'm not. Those ants almost ate him alive. This is the worst thing he's ever been through. Billy, I don't wanna lose him."

Billy smiled and said, "That's not gonna happen. The docs are doing everything they can. I think you can use some company."

"Truth is - yeah, I'd really like that."

Mike and Billy sit on the waiting room bench, Billy still clutching his arm wound. Mike chuckles to himself.

"What's so funny?"

"Oh, this whole thing - it all started with a guy whose wife thought he took a powder on her. We usually get him with some other dame and have to hear about how she's gonna take the poor bastard to the cleaners while we're waiting on our cash. But this - I never thought it could turn into this."

Mike's soft chuckle then turned into a moan as he put his head in his hands again, "oh, God"

Billy reached over with his good arm and put his hand on Mike's shoulder. Mike continued to lament, "why couldn't I get to Eddie sooner?"

"Please don't say that. It's nobody's fault, except for the bad guys. You were tied up and almost beaten unconscious. That psycho was about to grind you up - we found Eddie alive - we got him here in time."

"You certainly did"

Mike and Billy look up and see one of the surgeons working on Eddie.

"Is he...?"

The surgeon nodded and smiled, "his vitals are stabilized, he's becoming stronger, more coherent, we moved him out of ICU and into a regular room. We'll need to keep him here for a couple of days for observation, but he's going to be good as new."

Mike and Billy shake hands with the surgeon and thank him. "Can we see him?"

"Shortly - he's being transferred right now."

The surgeon walks away and Mike says, "boy, he's not gonna like this too much - he hates hospitals."

"Don't we all."

The two look at each other and chuckle, then Mike's demeanor grew serious. "Billy, I gotta talk to ya. Something you said earlier really cut me to the quick."

The boy-cop was shocked. His eyes opened wide. "I said something to offend you?"

"Yeah - ya did - bad cop - when me-n-Eddie got over here to check out this missing guy, you were talkin' about your partner - you call yourself a bad cop just 'cuz you survived a shoot-out. You pulverized that punk that popped your partner - then today, when you were off the clock, you risked your life checkin' out the goings-on at that inn. You were shot, stabbed, tortured, you rescued me, you helped take down that cannibal ring, you helped me get to Eddie, and now he's gonna be okay - you sat with me here. Now if that makes you a bad cop, I'd sure as hell would love to see a good one...and I do, right in front of me. With all you did today, I know this town's gonna be as safe as a baby in his mother's arms with you around. Never call yourself bad again."

Billy's face fell as he thought of his partner, Herbie, and he resumed holding his wounded arm. "I just miss him. All throughout this, it felt like I was partnered up again. I loved being at your side - it was enough just to meet you guys, but then, when I actually fought crime with you....you of all people - you have no idea what an honor it was. I'd go through it all over again in a minute for you."

"And you were a good guy to have my back, too, and I'd scoop ya up like that if I didn't have Eddie - and I know there's a cop out there who doesn't have what I got - he hasn't found you yet. This is the best kinda life for a boy to live, but it's nothin' without someone at your side, sharin' the sufferin' as well as the success. Partner up again, kid. There's a real bond there - a real bond."

MIKE - Billy was sad that he'd have to give me back to Eddie, but that only made room for someone else to come along - and he did. I stayed in town while Eddie recuperated and we came back a few weeks later to see Billy receive a commendation from his department on the help he gave us at the bed-n-breakfast. Another officer recently transferred over from another town. His partner had just quit the force. Wouldn't ya know it - the guy's name was Mike, too. Now they ride together - in and out of the sunset. Just like me-n-Eddie.

CHAPTER EIGHTY-EIGHT - BILLY THE BOY (COP) WONDER

2007-06-01T04:29:00.000-07:00

After enduring several beatings while tied up for hours in the tenderizing room, Mike began to quickly weaken. He was sure he was breathing his last. He thought to himself, "God, I always knew this day was gonna come, but I didn't think it'd be like this. Thank God we saved that other guy - at least we..." he grimaced when suffering a sudden pang, "...did our...job". His head fell forward. Was he dead? Was he unconscious? Was he just resting his eyes?

Eddie felt he was beginning to lose the struggle, too. There were now open welts all over his body from being bitten by fire ants. The bites didn't even hurt anymore, as Eddie was beginning to lose all feeling. He also didn't think he would go out in such a grisly manner. He always imagined himself being gunned down in battle - at least he was fighting - now, he was captured, sedated, tied down, and eaten by poisonous insects. "If this is the way I'm supposed to go out, then, all right", he thought. "I had a good life - I did good", his eyes getting heavier, til he finally passed out.

Meanwhile, Boy Cop couldn't be more agitated. He'd been pulling against the ropes whoch had bound him from the ceiling. He, too, had begun to lose all hope, then, suddenly, he heard a pop from over his head. It was a few strands of rope fiber, breaking off. "Wow - it's getting loose - it's starting to fray - all RIGHT!" He yanked more ferociously as the video was playing non-stop.

"Come on, you son-of-a...." he growled as he yanked non-stop "Just keep going!" He yanked away until one of his arms finally came loose. He gave one more good yank, then his left arm was free! Then he reached over and untied his other hand, then hit the ground running. He considered the open window - his first thought was to come to the aid of his newly-found friends.

He leaped out of the window to his torture chamber and headed straight to where Mike was being held. He knew exactly where it was before he was captured. He looked inside and saw Herman undo Mike's bonds, take him by his arms and drag him over to the shredder. Without any regard to his own life, Boy Cop leaped inside and confronted Herman.

"Unhand my friend you contemptible cretin!"

Startled, Herman dropped the barely conscious Mike to the floor and was set for battle with Boy Cop.

"Hey! Baby-Cop! How the hell did you get loose?"

Slowly walking toward Herman, he snarled, "that's none of your business. I may have prevented you from pulverizing Mike, but you still face a boatload of charges - the least of which is what you've done to the three of us so far."

Herman took a threatening stance. "I gotta warn you, Baby-Cop - you better not take another step - or else."

"You're bluffing and not very well. You know I gotcha."

"Nope - looks like I got you."

With a sleight of hand, Herman brandishes an open switchblade. His opponent stops dead in his tracks, arms somewhat upraised. Is he surrendering? Hardly. He's very carefully anticipating Herman's every move, plotting his defense strategy.

"I might not need the shredder for you - this'll do just fine - you'll be dismembered within seconds."

"Holy ginsu"

Seeing the knife in Herman's right hand, the cop thrusts his left hand over and grabs hold of Herman's right wrist and aims it upward. As the two struggle, the cop pushes Herman backward, extends his leg behind him, tripping his adversary knocking him to the ground. The cop continues to pound Herman's hand against the ground, hoping to jar the knife loose and possibly get it away from him. Instead, Herman regains his sea-legs and pushes the cop back, but the cop isn't letting go of his wrist. The cop punches Herman in the chest with a right hook and sends a left jab right to his jaw, but with a sleight of hand, Herman strikes and cuts the boy cop right across his left bi-cep, just underneath his tee-shirt sleeve. He screams in pain as he grabs his left arm and staggers backward upon impact. Herman then grabs the cop by his throat and forces him over to the shredder - holding the cop down with one hand and switching the dreaded saw on with the other. The cop is hopeless to break loose from Herman's grip and starts shouting, "no - no". Herman pushes the cop's head closer to the shredder blades and it looks as if the boy's life is finished when, suddenly, Herman is sent flying across the room.

The cop looks up and nearly cheers as he discovers Mike has regained his strength and is about to subdue their opponent. He grabs one of Herman's hands and shouts out, "hurry! Grab his other hand - let's get this bastard up against the wall!"

"RIGHT!" he exclaims as they pin Herman to the same spot from which Mike was hanging helplessly. His hands are tied, and the cop spots the taser Herman was armed with, grabs it and aims at him, but not before some interrogation.

"Where are you holding Detective Robinson and what are you doing with him?"

Seeing no way out, Herman relents and tells them the room number of Eddie's torture chamber. Then the cop zaps Herman with the taser. Mike looks on and grins with admiration.

"Gosh, Detective. Thank my lucky stars you came around. I don't know what I would've done."

Mike smiles and puts his hand on the cop's shoulder. "I thank my lucky stars, too, kid. Worst case scenario, you would've given your life for your fellow law enforcement officer - and that's the noblest thing any man can do - but ya came through with flying colors. We saved each other's lives. Nice going, son. Nice going."

The cop beams from ear to ear, yet a look of sadness comes over the cop's now-downcast eyes.

"What's the matter kid?"

The cop doesn't say anything and it occurs to Mike that he's thinking of his late partner.

"Thinking about your guy, huh?"

The cop grits his teeth and nods. Mike puts his arm around the wounded officer, holding his bleeding arm.

"That dirtbag over there - had me tied up and forced me to watch a video he made of my partner's killing. He said if I had better aim, then he'd still be alive."

Mike gritted his teeth and snarled, "cretinous crumb"

"Don't you pay any attention to any kind of crap this guy dishes out to ya. Rememember, your guy was still alive when you popped that perp - and popped him good. You couldn't do anything about your guy's bleeding to death, but ya stopped this dirtbag from killing anyone else, including you. You saved my life and I'll always remember that - and now you're gonna help me save my guy's life, too."

"Gosh! Detective Robinson! We gotta go get him."

"It's Eddie! Let's GO!"

The terrific twosome sprint down the hall to Eddie's torture chamber, and on the way, Mike asks, "you know our names pretty good - what's yours?"

"Officer William Gervis - it's Billy to you guys."

Meanwhile as Eddie is wracked in agony, slowly being devoured by the killer fire ants, Herman's mother walks in to check on his "progress".

"Detective, please forgive me - I never wanted any part of this."

Struggling to find his next breath, Eddie plaintively gazes upon the old woman and begs, "then...why...are you...doing this?"

"I love my son - and I'll do anything for him."

"Including murdering me?"

Mother just looked away and said nothing.

"You...don't have an answer for me...do you?"

Then the door flies open with such force, it nearly comes off the hinges, much as Mike and Billy are about to.

"You get the hell away from my boy!"

The dreamy duo are stunned to see what's happening to their crimefighting comrade. Mike notices a glass-boxed fire extinguisher and breaks it open, as Billy reaches inside Eddie's tool belt and produces a wire cutter, which, of course, enables the fire ants to start nibbling at his hands and arms, too. Mike sprays the two of them, eradicating their enemies. Billy pounces on Mother and holds her hands behind her back.

"You got cuffs?"

"Always!", says Mike, as he throws Billy his pair. Eddie is cut loose, the ants are dead and Mike looks about the room in order to secure it, as Billy calls the police to collect the crooks, as well as placing a call for an ambulance for our wounded warriors. Mike's whole being is overtaken with fury as he spots a video camera on top of the door, taping the attempt on Eddie's life. He yanks the cord out from the socket, causing some sparks to fly, and he opens his coat to shield Billy and Eddie from the flickering fireworks, and takes the hit while protecting them. He then turns and moves slowly to Mother and snarls, "you goddamned motherfucking BITCH!".

He raises his hand to her and is about to strike when Eddie interjects, "Mike - she's...a lady."

"No - she isn't!" as he backhands her across the room. He lunges for her throat as he shouts, "tell me why you did this! What the hell was the point in all of this? WHAT? WHAT?"

Billy goes over to Eddie's bedside to see about him. Eddie had regained some strength to sit up on his bed. "Can you stand up, ya think?"

"I'm gonna try." He reaches out for Billy's hand and Billy helps him up to his feet, but Eddie had weakened so badly, he nearly collapses on the floor, but Billy catches him in time.

"Don't think you better try that just yet."

Eddie sees the bleeding cut on Billy's arm - "what happened to you?"

"Sonny Boy cut me - but it's nothing that can't be fixed. I'm really worried about you - you've got to get help right away - I called for an ambulance."

Eddie takes a deep breath and nods and says, "thank you. I'm glad you guys...got here in time. Mike always..."

Eddie's eyes close as his head goes back, but he still manages to say "...does..."

Billy sees Eddie fading out and screams to Mike, "MIKE! GET OVER HERE! IT'S EDDIE!"

Mike loosens the grip on Mother's throat as he rushes to his boy's side, "what ABOUT him?!?"

"He's fading fast." Billy feels Eddie's wrist and sticks two fingers under Eddie's neck.

"Good - he still has a pulse, but I can't say for how long."

Billy hears the distant sirens and rushes outside to meet the police and paramedics as Mike goes over to Eddie, picking him up and hugging him, sobbing, "no - please God, not Eddie! PLEASE!"

UNBELIEVABLE - IS MIKE EXPERIENCING THE SAME PAIN AS BILLY - HELPLESSLY WATCHING AS HIS BELOVED CRIMEFIGHTING CRONY SLOWLY SLIPS AWAY? WILL MIKE PICK UP THE PIECES AND TAKE BILLY ON AS HIS NEW SIDEKICK? WHY NOT? HE SURE DOES LOOK HOT IN THOSE TIGHT TEES, HAS A "HOLY" VOCABULARY AND CAN TAKE A HIT AS WELL AS HIS PREDECESSOR!

HOLY DICK SARGENT!

BUT WAIT - THE BODY'S NOT EVEN COLD - WHAT THE HELL AM I TALKING ABOUT? SHAME ON YOU ALL FOR WHAT YOU'RE THINKING. WAIT FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER AND SEE IF YOU'RE RIGHT!

CHAPTER EIGHT-SEVEN Big Bad Baby Cop

2007-05-21T14:51:00.000-07:00

When we last saw our heroes, they were called in to find a missing businessman. Upon arrival in a small town, they encountered a police officer who unwittingly tipped them off to strange goings-on in a local inn. Not only did they investigate, and were captured in their investigation, so, too, was the cop, who decided to do some investigation of his own. Now, with the lives of Mike, Eddie, and the cop all in peril, we breathlessly continue.

Meanwhile, the boy cop begins to regain consciousness. He looks around the room to check his surroundings. He sees his arms raised upward on either side of his head, then looks up only to discover his hands are tied and the rope is attached to a hook in the ceiling. He begins to panic and tries to yank himself free, each pull and tug only bringing out the veins in his bi-ceps. His breathing stunted, his face reddened, he grits his teeth, grimaces. This is not, of course, how he'd planned to spend his down time. Herman walks in and slams the door. "I thought you'd never wake up."

"What the heck is going on here? What is the MEANING of this?!?!?"

"You're that stupid little baby-cop that's always hangin' out around here, always gettin' coffee with your stupid partner - your DEAD partner. And now you and those two other idiot-fucks are snooping around here. What's the meaning of that, huh?"

Herman slams a right hook into the cop's chest, making him scream in pain. He refelexively doubles over, but he can't because he's being stretched, hands tied to the ceiling, his feet planted firmly on the ground.

"TELL ME!"

He gives him a backhand slap across the face, so forceful it sends his head back, and so painful he struggles to catch his breath.

"Why was my friend hanging from the wall in your basement? What're you gonna do with him?"

"If you gotta know, he's being tenderized. While he's hanging there, he'll be pounded so severely, he'll weaken, and fall unconscious, then we can grind him up. We do that with old guys who fuck with us - knock 'em out, grind them up and make meatloaf outta them - we sell it to the butcher down the street."

A look of horror and disgust comes over the cop's baby-face, "Holy Hannibal - you're CANNIBALS!"

"Yeah - and there ain't nothing you can do about it, neither. With you and them two other losers outta the way, me-n-my maw can get back to business. Which reminds me, I gotta go take care of that other little putz, but in the meantime - ya like movies, Baby-Cop?"

Herman reveals a tv set with a VCR. "I think you'll get off on this - I play this tape about 5, 6 times a day and jag off to it. I gotta keep a rag around 'cuz I'm always stainin' the carpet."

He turns the tape on and something looks familiar to the boy-cop. It's footage of a squad car in pursuit. Then the two cars pull over and two cops get out of the car. Boy Cop recognizes that it's himself and his late partner about to be ambushed by their suspect. It's video of their LAST RIDE together!!!

"You - you GHOUL! Where did you get this footage?"

"I heard some ruckus and got my video camera out and filmed the whole thing. I also did some cleaning up so now you can hear every shot, every scream. Good stuff, ain't it?"

"I get it! You're trying to drive me crazy! Well, it's NOT gonna work!"

"Oh, I wouldn't talk too soon. You've been a little down in the mouth since the whole thing happened. I think you feel guilty."

"What're you talkin' about?"

"I think it really gets to you that you caused your friend to die. It's all your fault. If you were a better shot, and got that guy first, your partner would still be alive, and you wouldn't be snooping around here like you are, but no, you had to be a bad little baby-cop and get your partner killed."

The Boy-Cop starts to struggle mightily against his bonds and he struggles to stifle a scream. He turns his head away, but Herman gives him another back-handed slap across the face and grabs him by the short hairs in the back of his head and holds his head in place.

"Did I say you could turn away, you little asshole - I said WATCH IT!"

The Boy Cop really starts screaming at this point. This is torture at its most sadistic. But Herman's not finished yet.

"So what was the plan, eh? I know you weren't just some bad aim. I think it was a set-up. I think you planned to get your partner killed so you could muscle in on his old lady and make off with some of that life insurance. What was it, about 2, 3 hundred thou?"

"YOU - DEMON! You low-life SCUMBAG. You just wait! I'll get outta this and you're gonna PAY!"

"No. You're not getting outta here the way you hope. There's only 3 ways and you're not gonna like any of them, but I'll love all of 'em. You're either gonna starve to death, go insane and get tossed in the loony bin, or, I could just put a bullet between your beautiful baby-blue eyes. I really haven't decided yet. By the way, I made a loop of this tape and it'll go on for at least two hours. Will you last that long? Hopefully not!"

He leaves and the Boy Cop, as beside himself as he is, continues to struggle, doesn't see the ropes giving way any time soon and lets out a blood curdling scream which gives way to sobs.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Meanwhile, Eddie, the third dynamic do-gooder, wakes up to find himself with his hands tied in the front with the rest of his body bed-bound by criss-cross wires pinned to the bed-frame. His head is the only part of his body he can move freely. "Holy Gulliver's Travels"

"I like that. It proves there's a mind underneath that fine fee-zeek of yours."

It's Herman, now joined by his maw.

"What's all this about?"

"You just never mind all that - we filled your crimefighting cronies in on all of that, and they'll tell you all about it when you all meet at that great cop-shop in the sky."

Eddie's a little confused. Of course he knows Mike as one crony. "You said crimefighting cronies, a plural. Is there someone else?"

"Yeah, some stupid little cop that felt like snooping around the place. Knucklehead shoulda stuck with directin' traffic - but that's neither here nor there. We're gonna kill all of youse - the other two are pretty much on the way out, so you got some catchin' up to do."

Eddie gets disgusted and starts gritting his teeth and catching his breath as he struggles against his bonds. "Oh, you think you're cleaver, don't ya! Using a bed-n-breakfast as a front to capture and kill your tourists, just so you can turn their remains into meatloaf! I've never heard of anything so diabolically DESPICABLE! You'll be brought to justice at some point - kill us all if you wish, but SOMEONE's gonna bring you down. YOU JUST WAIT!"

"Someone, huh? And just who did you have in mind?"

"Someone who's as dedicated to law enforcement as we are. There's plenty of us all out there. The good guys outnumber the bad guys at LEAST 10 to 1."

"Guess what, you little Shit-bag Sherlock. Your time has come. Your flesh isn't ripe enough to sell off, but I think I know who could stand a little nibble. Herman, hand mother the jar."

Herman reaches for a jar and hands it to his mother. She opens up the lid and starts sprinkling the contents. Eddie tries to move away, but he's hopelessly bound and can't move an inch. To his horror, he looks around and sees ants crawling all over him. He lets out a scream as they begin to bite.

"Holy Nick-In-The-Box! FIRE ANTS!"

Herman sneers, "Exactly. I guess me and you are CSI fans. Too bad you're on the wrong side of the law and wanna lock us up. We coulda been buddies. Now, Nick got outta this, but it doesn't look like you will. There's no Gil Grissom gonna find out where you are. You're on your own."

"Oh, Herman, dear, now that we've secured these little snoopers, what do you say we relax in the parlor with a bit of sherry."

"That's a good idea, maw - I could use a nip or two."

As Eddie screams and cries in agony, the two leave him to his fate - arm-in-arm - off to the parlor.

I'm afraid we have to leave you here with these images - Boy Cop screaming out for his partner as he watches him die repeatedly, Mike and Eddie both screaming out for each other while the bad guys relax with a nice nip of sherry in the parlor. Is there no justice?!?

Yes, there is, but we're not there yet - just read onto the next chapter and you'll see it all unfold. As Eddie would scream, YOU JUST WAIT!

CHAPTER EIGHTY-SIX - Dead and Breakfast

2007-05-11T04:13:00.000-07:00

MIKE - It was a gorgeous spring Saturday morning and me-n-Eddie were out for a run, which really limbered us up for a good-old-fashioned roll in the hay - hearts pumpin', the slight scent of male sweat from us both, our sweat-stained bodies merged into one - Eddie's soft, supple lips - I could not believe I was blessed with this boy's body belongin' to me - the quiverin' climax as our bodies shook somewhat as we both came at the same time - God, I loved that cool sensation of those drops of cum falling on me, rolling down. Our moans gave way to long, deep breaths as we smiled as we went limp - Eddie's head on my chest - my hands running through his hair - a nice cool shower was just the thing for us, then it was off for the rest of the day - no plans of which we were aware, just basking in our love for each other.

EDDIE - Bur that, of course, was before the doorbell rang. We sighed and looked at each other as if to say, do we really have to - but we did. Love for each other and our love for the Job go hand in hand. One of the first things we had in common was our life-long dedication to law enforcement. A cop marries a civilian, or at least gets involved with one, and it can get complicated. Couples go by the way side with "I don't see you anymore" - a cop gets caught in the crossfire - does he save his partner or protect himself - then he goes home and there's another crossfire - does he save his marriage or does he do what he's born to do. You may as well not even exist if you're not doin' what God put you here to do. That's what's so great about us - we don't get a lotta free time to ourselves, but I get so turned on watching Mike in action and I'm right by his side the whole time. Forget People magazine - Mike is the sexiest man alive every month - every year.

Anyway, we open up to find this distraught dame at our doorstep.

"Can you please help me?"

"That's what we're here for, ma'am - what's the trouble?"

"My husband is missing - it's now been 48 hours, so he's officially missing."

"Yes, ma'am"

"Your last interaction with him - was it in person...on the phone...?"

"The phone - you see, my husband travels quite a bit for his career - he partakes in seminars on the prevention of terrorist financing and other financial crimes."

Me-n-Mike exchange glances - "ah, a good guy".

"The last time I heard from him, he was on the road and he was driving into a small town and said he was found a place to stay for the night - some little bed-n-breakfast, he calls it - isn't that quaint?"

"Yes, ma'am - quaint"

"I've been having trouble reaching him - you can imagine all sorts of thoughts running through my head, such as has he been harmed in some way - or is he having an affair..."

MIKE - Her demeanor then did an about-face to anger as she snarled, "I will absolutely murder him if he's sleeping around, I mean...."

EDDIE - I put my hand up to stop her from going on, "Ma'am, never talk about killing in front of two law enforcement officers."

"Well, that is just an expression."

MIKE - "And it's also not good of you to go in that direction. He could really be in trouble, and you're entertainin' thoughts of him takin' a cheap roll in the hay - you'd never forgive yourself for what you thought, so put that outta your mind. You're upset enough just by not knowin' where he is, but that's where we come into the picture. Now, we're gonna help you find this guy, or at least find out what's goin' on with him."

"You last talked to him on the phone - I assume he called you."

"Yes"

"First off, we're gonna check your phone records, find out where this call came from, and we take it from there."

"In the meantime, all you can do is go about your business like you normally would. We'll keep you posted with whatever we find."

MIKE - According to this guy's phone records, the last place he called his wife from was located in this little hick town, about 20 to 25 miles from the city, but that was 3 days ago - no tellin' whether he'd stuck around or what - his wife gave us a photo and we decided to chat up some of the locals, maybe they'd remember him. We arrived in this little burg, population 6, I guess (heh-heh) and no sooner than that, we saw a squad car behind us. The blue lights started flashin', so we pulled over to get out of his way - the guy probably had an emergency - but ya know what! WE were the emergency.

"What the heck, Boss-Man?"

"Ya know how cliqueish these small towns are - they see a strange car comin' in and think we're illegal aliens, or some crap."

"Now, now, now - Hilary Clinton says we can't call 'em that anymore."

"No foolin'?"

"Yep - we gotta call 'em Undocumented Workers from now on."

I laughed and rubbed Eddie's hair, "aw, get outta town."

"I think that's what this guy wants us to do."

And the cop gets out of the squad car. A rather imposing figure, I gotta say. He steps out, spreads his legs apart as he adjusts his cap with both hands, one for the beak, the other for the back, and he walks, no, swaggers his way over to us HIgh-Noon style, his thick hairy arms swingin' back and forth, his tight, painted-on uniform pants followin' his every move. He stops at my window, and his beautiful boyish clean-shaven mug has a big smile across it. He seems like the friendly type, I was hopin'.

"How you guys doin' today?"

"Oh, okay, I guess - and you?"

"Just fine, thanks. Say, would ya both mind steppin' outta the car for me?"

"Yeah, sure"

Eddie pipes in, "what's the problem, officer? Were we speedin' or somethin'?"

The cop sways back and forth a little, balancin' himself on his legs, proppin' himself up on his toes a bit, head tilted slightly, facial expression suggestin' he'd been around the block a few times. Sexy, yes, but a little odd when you consider he had the face of a 12 year-old. No, not that young, but boyish, just the same. Maybe he knew we were from outta town and was tryin' to impress us. He kinda was. Oh, yeah, he had the rough-n-ready cop choreography down to a science, he did.

"Holy halogens - gosh, I'm sure sorry, Mike, I meant to replace that one."

"Don't sweat it, kid - these things happen."

"I pulled you guys over 'cuz a busted light could mean anything - maybe somethin' you're smugglin' leaned on the wiring and shorted it. Can I take a look in your trunk?"

"Yeah - sure thing"

I pop the trunk open for him, but there's nothin' in it. Little Boy Blue sure came to blow it - and I don't mean his horn.

"Oh, yeah, uh, license and registration, please."

Me and Eddie look at each other like, is this his first day or something, but we didn't bat an eyelash. Poor kid's strugglin' here, but maybe he'll be a good cop one of these days - if only for his own sake.

I give the guy what he wanted and his cocky veneer gave way to outright hero worship - his baby-blues opened as wide as they could, he looked at us like we were in Lourdes.

"Holy Mickey Spillane - the Dashin' Duo! I can't believe I'm actually meeting you guys - that's what they used to call US around here." Then he tips his cap to us and puts his hands behind his back in a deferential stance.

"So...what brings you gentlemen out in these parts?"

"Dame comes up to us, sayin' her husband's gone missing - so we checked her phone records, seein' where it was he called her from last - and that led us here."

Eddie picks up the ball - "Right - it only lists the address so we're not quite sure where this last call came from. I'm sure you'd know what this place is."

The cop looks at the address listed and a look of concern mixed with a dash of dread comes over his face.

"Y-you guys don't wanna know."

"What're ya talkin' about?"

"It's an old bed and breakfast run by some old dame and what might be her son."

"Bed and breakfast? That sounds harmless enough."

"But it isn't - at least according to what I've been seein'."

"Such as..."

His eyes dart back and forth and he motions for us to lean forward, as he leans over to us as if to whisper - our shoulders rubbin' up against each other, like a football huddle.

"I go up and down this street a lot, see a lotta travelers go in, but I never see 'em leave. Just Hoss Cartwright and his old lady."

"Hoss Cartwright?"

"Yeah, that's what the kid reminds me of - yeah, that's the clearest way I have of describing people - so, anyway, I never see these guys check out, just those two chucking a bunch of bags in the dumpsters."

"Well, did you ever think of acting on your suspicions and checking out those things?"

"Yeah, a bunch of times, but the Chief always waves me off, sayin' I got too much imagination and he goes 'who do you think you are, Eddie Robinson?' "

Eddie chuckles at this remark. "Gee, looks like I am somebody now."

"So the police never saw fit to see what's goin' on over there?"

"'Fraid not - they always pay their taxes, keep the place neat, never any violations. No one has a leg to stand on."

"Yeah, well now you do - four of 'em, not to mention the ones of the missing guy here. Do me a favor - let your boss know we're in town, checking things out here. Maybe this too-much-imagination is really intuition."

"Gee, that's sure nice of you to say."

"Not a problem - I can recognize a really good egg when I see one, and when you're ready to hatch, you'll know it. In the meantime, though, I appreciate the info on this place. The two of us'll check it out."

"Any way of me finding out what went on?"

"Don't you worry - whenever we're around, even an ostrich has no trouble keeping up to speed."

Eddie remembered the cop's remark about "US", then looks around and sees there's only the one cop.

"You mentioned an "US" - Where's the other one - I don't see a partner."

From cocksure, to gee whillikers to mournful - his face was acrobatic. His lip suddenly tightening, his eyes downcast, then puppy-sad as he looked back up at us - it was then I spotted a small black band blazoned on his badge.

"When did it happen?"

Fightin' back the tears, his adam's apple went up and down faster than the Dow Jones.

"Couple of weeks ago - we pulled a speeder over, he opened fire, hitting us both. I popped him right in the head. Me and my partner lyin' on the ground after we finished him off, waitin' for help, the bullets had us in agony - pep-talkin' each other to stay strong, be tough, we're gonna make it through - maybe go for a beer after they stitch us up. But he closed his eyes and that was it. I've been askin' myself ever since why it was me that made it and he didn't. He had a wife and kids - I thought I got popped enough so he'd live, too. I was a bad cop. Why couldn't I save his life? I musta done somethin' wrong."

"Now listen to me - you're a good cop. You avenged your partner's life and you stopped this thug before he could go on and do this to someone else. You're a true hero, my friend."

"It just isn't right - he should be here with me now and he isn't."

Eddie added, "He is. He's in your heart, he's in your thoughts. Always remember him, always talk about him. Every action you take in that uniform, behind that badge, should be dedicated to his memory. He'll always be with you and you'll always do good."

"You helped the real Dashin' Duo with their investigation. Think about that, too, before you even think of callin' yourself a bad cop again."

He put his hand out and me and Eddie shook it. "Thank you - thank you both. What you both said means a lot to me. The guys on the force always joked that we were the Dashin' Duo of these parts and now I'm standin' face to face with you - the guys're not gonna believe this. Well, you guys have a missing person to track down, so I'm gonna let you get back to that and I'm gonna get back on the beat"

He tips his hat to us and turns to trot back to his squad car and jumps in and drives off.

We arrive at this bed-n-breakfast - I stand in the doorway with my arms folded, and the old lady, described by the boy cop, greets us at the door, "good afternoon, how can I help you gentlemen today? Would you like to see a room?"

I respond, "no, thank you, ma'am, we're private investigators, here about a particular guest - guy said to have checked in about 3 days ago."

I sense a bit of fidgety-ness from this one, "3 days ago? How do you know he was here?"

Eddie pipes in, clutching his fist, then points to her, "The last phone call he placed to his wife was three days ago, and his phone records list this as the address from which that phone call was placed."

I take out the photo his wife provided, "I would think this gentleman looks familiar to you."

It was then the hair was raised on the back of my neck. Her lip began to quiver and her eyes darted back and forth as she tried to keep her composure. I was unsettled by this and I nudged Eddie who looked at me and nodded slightly. He, too, was feeling a little unsteady by this and we looked at each other and back at her.

"No, I - I don't believe I've seen this person before. This - this is a very small town and we know everyone here and, um, so of course I'd recognize this person if I saw him."

Her suspicious gestures, with this address listing, not to mention the ill ease and suspicion of the boy cop, told us this must be the place and that there's something here for us to clean up - we just had no idea what.

Eddie, again with fist in hand, "we would consider it a courtesy if we could have a look around."

The lady continued to contend for composure, "of course - I'd be happy to show you around."

Me-n-Eddie searched every room of the joint - every room to which she allowed access, that is - there was a parlor, a kitchen, etc., and the rooms themselves were immaculately kept up. There was, however, one room from which the old bag kept swaying us, further feeding our fishy feelings and suspicions that something seemed strange.

"Now, if you gentlemen wouldn't mind, I do have a business to run."

A business to run? From the looks of things, it didn't appear there was much business goin' on. What's there to run, we asked ourselves. The old lady showed us the door. I gave her my card and said if there was anything she could remember, to please call us. She responded that she'd be more than willing to help, if she could.

But she's not gonna be of any help, we finally concluded. This is a time we gotta help ourselves. We got in the car and drove away. Of course we were faking. We'd never just pick up and leave when everything seems in apple-pie order, 'cuz you know that's the time it's not.

As we slowly drove away, Eddie noticed something out of the corner of his baby-blue eyes, "Holy Lexus! Look what they've got in the back."

Sure enough, it was a Lexus. We got a look at the license plate for which I ran the number. Sure enough again, it belonged to our guy.

Eddie wrung his hands and swallowed hard, "holy spinal shivers."

"My thoughts exactly. The boy cop was as right as a Republican. These folks did something to him - and me and you are gonna find out and put a stop to this."

"RIGHT YOU ARE!"

We creep back and have a look around the outer perimeter of this joint, peeking in all the windows. There was one which was covered with dust, or something. Eddie's eyes opened wide in horror as he heard a noise.

"Hold up, Boss-Man - listen."

We made no move, we made no sound, so I could hear what Eddie might've heard. It sounded like moaning - coming from the dusty window. We somehow managed to pry it open and to our horror, we saw the missing man tied up and hanging from a ceiling, struggling to loosen his bonds - we also noticed what looked like some kind of grinder - there was a conveyor belt and a blade at the end. He looked at us and got even more scared. We waved our hands and said "no - no - no - we're here to help you." We took out our badges. We untied him.

"Oh, God, I don't know how I can thank you."

"Just having you alive and outta this jam, but, tell us - what's all this goings-on here?"

"It's been a nightmare. I checked into this place about 3 days ago - right after I spoke with my wife - who must be in hysterics right now."

"Yes, sir - she hired us to find you."

"Anyway, I guess I was being a little too high-maintenance - next thing I knew I was hit in the head with something and when I got my sea-legs back, so to speak, I was hanging here being tenderized."

"Tenderized?"

"Being savagely beaten so I'd weaken - so I'd be easier to kill - so they could throw me on that contraption and grind me into meatloaf."

"Into WHAT?"

"Meatloaf - ground beef - they were going to murder me and grind my remains into meat and use it for food."

"HOLY SWEENEY TODD!"

"Yes, something like that - nice show - too bad I'll never hear that score in the same way again. The memories of this would be too hard."

"Yes, sir - memories."

"Anyway, we got this skinny of this, but you gotta get the heck outta here and fast - we saw your car outside hidden in a weeping willow tree. You got your keys still?"

He looked inside his pockets and found them. "Yes- right here."

"Get the heck outta dodge and go back to your wife. We'll phone her and notify her, and we'll meet her back in town as soon as we clean up this mess around here."

The man climbed out the window and made a mad dash for his car and sped off. Me-n-Eddie were plotting our next move.

"Looks like our work here's just begun, huh, Boss-Man!"

"Sure as shootin' - but let's get outta here for the time bein' and..."

"HOLD IT - Do not make a move!"

We were caught - thank our lucky stars our missing man was good and safe - now it's just time to get ourselves undone.

"Now turn around slowly, hands up."

We did as we were ordered. We were facing our captor, holdin' two weapons on us. He musta been what the boy cop called "Hoss Cartwright" - an old bag was standin' next to him.

"Holy Harold and Maude."

Callin' her "maude" wasn't too far off - that smoky manly voice comin' outta some old dame - a little creepy.

"You there, the older one - we saw you dispense of our guest - we have you for breaking and entering now. I thought I made it clear to you earlier. Herman, tie him up and hang him on the rack - he sent the other man packing so he can take his place."

"Right, ma."

As I was being tied and hung up, I spouted, "so, I guess you're gonna make mince-meat outta me, huh?"

"That would be the plan, yes."

Eddie chimed in - "I know I'm not gettin' off scot-free - whatcha gonna do with me?"

"First - this."

"AAAAH!"

Eddie was blasted with taser darts, falling to the floor, shaking uncontrollably, totally immobilized. He eventually passed out. I screamed his name out. He didn't hear me.

"When you get done hanging Sam Spade, you can take Jimmy Olsen over to Room 12. His flesh isn't ripe enough to be sold in these parts, but I have other plans for it. Now, off with him."

"Right, ma."

Eddie was slung over the slug's shoulder and taken away. My hands were bound in front, then I was hoisted on my own pitard so to speak. I saved a guy from a grisly fate, only to have to face it myself. Holy tag-team.

Meanwhile, back at the cop shop, the rest of the boy cop's shift just could not go quickly enough. All he had on his mind was meeting Mike and Eddie and this missing man. As he told the Dashing Duo, he'd always been stricken curious about the goings-on of the establishment. Red lights, stop signs, seat-belts, parking violations, none of this mattered to him. He was all about that seemingly innocent, yet somehow creepy little b-n-b. A mother and son-run business couldn't be more wholesome, but yet, it couldn't be more opaque. His wheels spinning, the now-off-duty officer came to the conclusion that if something is really innocent-looking on the front, yet the goings-on just would not leave his mind alone, it was never more transparent in its opaquity.

The boy cop is now off duty and he changes into his street clothes of the day - a grey tee-shirt which slightly stretches across his broad muscular shoulders, the sleeves only covering half of his upper arms, and shorts which only cover half of his muscular thighs, when he decides to snoop around the bed-n-breakfast himself. He creeps along the outside of the establishment and peeks in some windows and sees Mike hanging on the wall. Mike notices him there and has a flash of relief "thank God, I'm gettin' outta this..." The boy cop's mouth and eyes open wide in horror then his expression changes to angst as he mutters "holy...."

Then Mike's brief sense of relief subsides and turns back into depair as he hears:

THUMP

OW!

SPLAT!

He falls to the ground, face-first, grabbing the back of his head and moaning, and being hoisted by Herman/Hoss and heisted away.

HOLY TRIPLE THREAT - WHAT IS THIS?!?!? Three boys of the badge in doom-laden peril. Mike is about to be tenderized and ground into beef - that much we know - but if your appetite is whetted for the fates of the Baby-Blue Boy Cop and the Boy Friday, you'll read of the horrifying happenings and egregious events in the next chapter.

CHAPTER NINETY-ONE - The Greedy Goulish Girl

2006-12-18T11:41:00.000-08:00

MIKE - Me-n-Eddie found ourselves in yet another snag. Pearl had us tied to pillars inside the duck-shooting gallery - the old game of chance and skill where the player tries to hit a plastic duck with a pellet. Here was the thing, though - there was only a thin sheet of plywood separating us from the ducks and every time a duck was rolled past either of us, we were hit with the pellets. These, of course, were non-penetrating, but they packed a much harder whallop than they normally would.

Eddie was hit a few times and in between catching his breath and sustaining and recovering from another hit. "Holy target practice! These pellets are pounding my person. We gotta get outta this before the real bullets are fired."

I got popped a couple of times and grimaced and moaned before I could catch my breath to say,"these are the hardest bonds I've ever struggled against - MMMPH! - I can't really tell what they've tied us with. They're wrapped around the cuffs of my shirt-sleeves".

"They're ropes, all right", said Eddie, who should know. His wrists were bare, "I can feel the fibers, but these must be industrial strength ropes".

Then it happened - the unthinkable - each of us were hit next by one of the planted bullets - Eddie cried out "holy hollow tip!" and we slumped down, still tied to the pillars. Then we heard something from the other side of the plywood barrier.

"Wow, did you hear all that screaming? What great sound effects!"

"No, it was no sound effect. I think there's somebody back there."

There was a kind of scuffle, then the plywood was knocked down by a man who was shocked to discover us writhing and moaning while pinned to these posts.

"Holy Toledo! It's the Dashing Detectives!"

There was a gasp of horror - "oh my GOD!" - "Untie them!" "How did they ever get into this?" "Oh, please don't let them die!"

The man who discovered us first untied Eddie who grimaced and clutched his stomach and fell over the minute he was released. I did, too. A couple of members of the crowd even ran up to us - "oh, you poor guys...are you gonna be okay?" - I could hear the faint sobs in their voices. The man also checked our wounds and he and the crowd discovered, to their relief, and ours, that our Kevlar tee-shirts had stopped the bullets from penetrating, but they still may have bruised our internal organs on impact.

Eddie was moaning and his face was contorted in agony as he fought for breath.
"Why did she DO this to us?"

Eddie had a point - sharper than that of a hollow tip bullet - this had, after all, started off as a case of grand larceny. That she would want to make this brutal attempt on our lives over pilfered pearls only could suggest that she was one of the most deadly enemies we've ever faced, the greedy goulish girl. The bullets were pretty well smashed when they slammed into our body armor, but they looked pretty huge - not your typical .22 slug. Pearl had meant for these to rip right through us.

EDDIE - I felt the pellets hitting me, and they were sore enough, but I sure knew when I was getting hit by a bullet and I was amazed when I saw how big it was. Me-n-Mike were treated right away. The docs checked us for bruising, internal bleeding and all, and found nothing wrong. We were good to go, but this was a huge obstacle. We were back at our place in no time and I shared my frustration:

"Gosh, this ticks me off - Pearl could be anywhere by now, and we almost had her by this much! She could be making her next move right now and we have NO CLUE."

"I disagree - she is making her next move and we have every clue."

"How can you tell?"

"We got it all on tape, when I was playing 'newsman' - I was wearing a wire - listen."

"I must say your collection is exquisite."

"Yes, thank you - and there'll be more additions to it quite soon. There's a bauble show this weekend and I'm certainly going to make my presence known there."

"Ah - really!"

"Oh, yes, only the finest and rarest baubles you can imagine. Oh, Mr. Grant, I just get goosepimples dreaming about being showered with all those diamonds. I'm going to strike, uh, I mean, I'm going to attend this Saturday evening."

I shut the recorder off and Eddie is wringing his fist. "Strike, huh?"

"Yeah, that's exactly what I was thinking. You see, Eddie, having known about that, and wearing protection, I didn't really sweat it out at all. Sure it was a roadblock, but it's easily overcome. I just thank God you were wearing yours too, boy."

"Well, most jewel heists are armed, and I didn't wanna take any chances."

"Come here, kid, I wanna put my arm around you. Ya know, I get mixed feelings when I see you like this. Part of it makes me proud because you get bothered by roadblocks like these. The thought of Pearl trying to kill us and seemingly getting away with it must have really busted you up inside, but another part of me just hates to see ya like that - just hates to see ya lose heart when things don't go well for us. Do ya sometimes lose faith, Eddie? Do ya feel like giving up sometimes?"

"Wait a minute - where are you getting all of this?"

"Just say yes and get it overwith - just admit it."

"How can you even think anything like that about me? I can't believe..."

"Because I have the same thoughts myself. Sure, in this case, I thank God we got the evidence and it was just pure luck that Pearl gave me this clue, whether she knew it or not at the time. But, yeah, sometimes I wonder if it's worth it - the beatings, the assaults, the roadblocks. If the two of us just chucked it all and became garbagemen that'd be okay with me because we'd still be together, but we wouldn't be who we really are. So I hang in there, I tell myself inside to shut up and keep going. I do get those thoughts, I never wanted to admit it to you because I'm afraid you'd wonder if I was really the man you fell in love with - and I know you're thinking the same thing - do I think differently of you when you lose hope. And the answer is no. Eddie, my love, my partner, my sidekick, of course, those thoughts come up because we're both human, so it's all right - but ya just gotta tell yourself to shut up inside - enforce your faith in all that's good, then you'll make it so. We're supposed to make stuff right in this life and know we're always gonna come out on top. Always. Are ya with me?"

EDDIE - I sure was, am and always will be. The look he had on his face as he said all this to me was priceless. We stood face to face - I looked on him adoringly, the porkpie hat, the shirt with the top button undone, the tie hanging loosely around his neck, his vest unbuttoned. He laid his hands on my arms and I held his bi-ceps in my hands. Our bodies touched, I loved the feel of his cotton shirt. I loved the earnest look of compassion and reassurance on his face. I loved the gruff gravelly voice say the most soothing yet beautiful yet vulnerable words. It was a moment when I really knew we were one. We were captured, roped, tied and wounded together. No greater bond between two men is cemented faster than by shared suffering and shared victory. We were rescued from what could've been a mallardy grave, and we still shared suffering - the snag we were hit with when Pearl escaped as bullets slammed up against our bodies, but we would rise up from this. Pearl and her gang would be brought to justice, but you'll just have to keep reading to find out how that unfolded.

"I sure am with ya. Now, let's beat it to the bauble bash, Boss-Man!"

"BINGO!"

- - - - - - - -

MIKE - We get to the bauble show - not that it was really called that, it was something like Jewel Expo, or something. Be that as it may, me-n-Eddie made our way to the upper level of the auditorium, catchin' a birds-eye view of the whole layout - we had binoculars, the whole shebang. Eddie was alarmed at the sight of Pearl with her two lugnuts.

"Look, Boss-Man! Hannah and Her Bruisers at ten-o-clock! Oooh, they sure got guts!"

"Not exactly, Kiddo - they think they got cart-blanche. They think we're dead."

"They're gonna wish they were when we get through with 'em. Got the cops comin'?"

"As always, my boy."

Pearl makes her way up to a vendor and reaches toward the back of her head - then a blinding blast of light subdues the vendor and those around the booth.

"HOLY LOU CHRISTIE!"

And we jump down into the middle of the melee - one of the thugs shouts out, "nobody move! This is a hold-up!" - and I shout "and this is the END of the hold-up!"

We each take on a thug and proceed to cut and jab- I get a few good punches in. Eddie, however, really went to town on his, even making the poor bastard scream and Eddie even drew a little blood. We subdue them in a matter of minutes and slap on the cuffs - we always wrap our packages nice and pretty and ready for pick-up. Just then, Pearl strikes - a 6-shooter in each hand aimed right at us.

"HANDS UP!"

CRAP IT ALL

"Uncuff my men or I'll blast your faces off!"

"Holy Mexican Stand-off!"

Of course this was pretty jarring - my heart was poundin' almost right outta my chest - about to pop through my pecs. We've been through this kind of thing before. Still reachin' for the sky, I took a few breaths and I started talkin' to this bim.

"Hey, listen, lady, come on - are ya sure ya wanna go through with this?"

"Hey, listen, copper, come on - with these babies I bring to their knees screaming and dying hundreds of flatfeet - or is it flatfoots?"

"Okay, so ya shoot us and we fall down dead - big deal - what's it gonna get ya, toots? Life in prison with no hope of parole, and that's if the jury's in a good mood."

"You were in enough hot water just bein' a jewel thief. That only gets ya a few years - but then you blinded two innocent sales guys and ya maced the two of us. That stuff's illegal in this town. Right there, that's four counts of assault with a deadly weapon."

"Not to mention two counts of attempted murder of law enforcement officers, while using innocent law-abiding citizens as pawns in your putrid plot. Just ducky."

"And look what you've done here today - creating a mass disturbance. You won't be so amazing where you're going, sister. The chicks in the pen'll take one look at you and eat you for breakfast."

"But I will kill you and I'll never go anywhere."

"Oh, gimme a break. If ya wanted to start poppin' us, ya woulda done it already."

She FIRES! I flinch, but I'm not goin' down - I'm not in pain, I'm not bleeding. I'm not hit!

"Eddie! You okay?"

Eddie was now laughing and he folded his arms as he walked slowly toward our nemesis, then holding out his hands. "Ya wanna hand 'em over?"

"Good GOD, Eddie! What're ya thinking? She's a cold-blooded murderess!"

Eddie takes the guns out of her hands and empties the chambers outta one of them.

"With blanks?"

He hands me the other gun, "go on, help yourself. No reason I should have all the fun."

Pearl was beside herself with shock!

"My God, how did that happen?"

"Yeah, that's what I'd like to know."

Eddie stuck his gun in his tool belt and took a couple of steps back, spreading his legs, clutching his fist.

"Very simple, Boss-Man! When I was playin' Jimmy Olsen the other day, I spotted these little babies of hers outta the corner of my eye. At first I thought I'd just empty the bullets, but I thought this one would really end up with egg on her face if she fired the shots and nothing happened. So I stuck a few blanks in there. I was afraid she'd resort to that if she blitzkrieged another bauble boutique. Nothin' says cold-blooded evil better than a beautiful woman with a gun in her hands. But now we get the last laugh."

"JEE-zus MUR-phy, Kiddo - that's fantastic!"

"Very clever. I say, Detective, you should be proud of your young man. Nice job."

"Yeah, it was, wasn't it. So - ya wanna just cut the crap and come with us?"

She shrugs and says, "sure - why not. I know when I've been licked. Could we all walk out arm in arm?"

"Huh?"

I smirk and say, "it's okay, Kiddo. Let's cuff her first, though."

Eddie slaps the cuffs on her and she opens her arms a little, givin' us both a little room to slide our arms in.

"Now, this is more like it. Though I now go to - how you say - the hoosegow - not exactly a walk in the park - it's good for a lady to be escorted by two such gorgeous gentlemen such as yourselves."

No argument there, sister - no argument there.

CHAPTER NINETY - The Amazing Pearl

2006-12-11T13:16:00.000-08:00

MIKE - This last case of ours was unbelievable. No, not the taxi kidnappers, that was a while ago and all is well with that. Here was another one - just another indication that the work we do in this life is far from finished. In a way, that's a good thing, 'cuz there's always use for guys like me-n-Eddie, but it's also bad in a way 'cuz there's yet another crime victim. These occupations out there aree always based on someone else's need. If I was a plumber, I'd probably be all pumped about a busted water pipe. Sometimes these thoughts do occur to me and I often wonder whether I'm just capitalizing on someone else's bad luck. I guess Eddie would probably grit his teeh and say something like, "holy existentialism", or something.

Anyway, I got a call from one of them what-ya-call an exclusive jewelry store, the kind where you need an appointment - I guess that's to keep the lowlifes outta there - no lowlife worth is salt is gonna wait around for an appointment, they're just gonna grab what they want and run. That's kinda what happened with this new nemesis of ours.

We get to this shop and find our callers with cold rags over their eyes, dabbing away at them. Aw, Jesus Murphy they looked bad, too, red, swollen, teary-eyed - we introduce ourselves and the story comes out.

"So what happened here?"

"Oh, God, it was awful. This woman comes in and was admiring a certain pearl necklace we had in stock. And I do mean had."

The other clerk chimes in, "it was a rarity in our catalog and is was valued and priced at $300,000."

Eddie says, "in your catalog? Ya got a photo of it in there?"

"We sure do"

The clerk opens the catalog to the page featuring the now-missing item.

"It is quite exquisite, isn't it?"

It sure was - I didn't think it was worth 300 G's, but it sure was a beaut.

"So how'd she purloin it?"

"Beg pardon?"

Eddie clarified, "What form of weaponry did she utilize?"

"I'm not really sure. It happened so fast. She had tried it on in front of a mirror to see how she'd look with it on, then there was a bright flash of some kind, and the nest thing we knew, our eyes were burning and we couldn't see a thing."

"Except spots."

"You definitely need to get your peepers checked out as soon as possible - no telling what damage that flash might've done."

Eddie asked what the pearl-pinchin' perpetrator looked like.

"Oh, she was quite striking - I'd never seen her before, but she walks in, heads right for the pearl's display case..."

"Hmm, sounds like she cased the joint earlier"

"She what?"

"Checked out the layout of the place at an earlier time."

"Oh, I don't know about that - I would've remembered seeing her before."

"Disguises - crooks are pretty good at that sort of thing."

"They start off that way, anyway, but then somewhere along the way they get too sure of themselves, then they slip up, and that's where we nail 'em!"

"Eddie's right - but, again, what'd she look like?"

"She had flaming red hair, very wavy, a lot of eye makeup."

"All dressed in leather, too - her hat, her coat, her boots, too."

"Can you recall any gesture she made before the flash bomb went off?"

"When she put the necklace on, she clasped it in the back, and was adjusting her hair, then I think I saw her throw something at us."

"And that's when the flash went off. I couldn't see anything after that, but I heard her running out and laughing."

EDDIE - I looked around a little while Mike interviewed the victims - not at the jewels, but for any security devices - I didn't see any, and I was curious.

MIKE - I folded my arms and asked, "Did she touch anything else in here - people sometimes lean on the glass when they're lookin' at stuff - maybe she might've left fingerprints we can analyze."

"No, she just waltzed right in and headed straight for the display case and pointed at it - the pearls were the only thing she touched in here, while she was closing it in the back."

EDDIE - "Figures", I thought to myself - I felt bad for these guys at first, as I would for anyone who'd just been a victim of a crime, but I don't think they were. Oh, there's a crime all right, but not a theft, I was gettin' to think. I kept lookin' to Mike to finish this up so I could let him in on my suspicion.

"Well, gentlemen, looks like we got all the info we need so far. Don't you worry, we always get our man, or dame in this case."

"You were right the first time, Boss-Man", I thought to myself, "two men."

As me-n-Mike left, he doffed his hat, such as he always does when taking off. I didn't, though, I just kept lookin' at them. We stepped outside the shop.

"Well, Eddie, looks like we got a real mystery here - a jewel thief who probably uses disguises. This might take a little bit."

"I think I got it wrapped up already, Boss-Man."

"Yeah? How d'ya figure?"

"No video cameras - no mirrors - especially in a jewelry shop. No fingerprints..."

"She might've worn gloves."

"Pretty hard to close up a necklace with gloves on - too cumbersome. Anyway, I think these guys were in on it - maybe staging this whole thing to claim insurance."

"Why would they call us in?"

"As a ruse. I really got a bad feeling about this - I say we go right back in there and nail 'em!"

"Not so fast, Kiddo, but ya got a good idea - we oughta check with insurance companies that cover jewels, just to see if any thefts were reported."

"Holy Lloyds of London - let's go."

Per my suspicions, we checked with several insurance companies, dealing with jewelry, and we found the one dealing with the shop in question. A robbery WAS reported. I asked to see the theft report. The insurance agent, one Mrs. Babcock, was reluctant, but I was insistent. Mike just grinned through the whole thing. He loves it when I take charge.

"I'm just not aware of what relevance that would have in this case."

"It's our suspicion that it was a false claim. Allowing us to access the report would clarify everything. It could even save you a few thousand bucks."

"Oh...well, uh...by all means - mi informacion, su informaction - heh heh..."

"Holy dollar signs", I thought to myself. Sure enough, it was somewhat different from what we were told. The woman did come in and steal the necklace, but she was armed with a knife. The two jewelers sustained cuts on their hands while trying to fight back, but were jabbed anyway. None of this was true, of course, we saw nary a scratch on their hands - not even a bandage. I loved this - we exchanged stories with the insurance company.

MIKE - As Eddie set about his business, I looked around the office and noticed a flyer with a very strange looking woman on it. "Funny", I thought, "this broad looks like the one these hosebags made up at the jewel shop. Maybe they saw this and remembered the image, or, maybe..."

I brought the flyer to Eddie's attention. "Sorry to interrupt, but..Eddie, take a look at this."

"Holy red herring!"

Just then, an office assistant walks in. "Excuse me, Mrs. Babcock, but....WHOA!"

"Whoa, Joseph?"

"My God, you're the Dashing Duo, aren't you?"

Another fan.

"The Dashing Duo?"

"Yeah, Mike Batz and Eddie Robinson - they're in the papers, like, every other day - they're in the crime section of the newspaper - heck, sometimes they ARE the crime section."

"Oh, I do apologize, Detectives, you see, I don't really read the crime section - much too depressing and horrifying - I much prefer the advice and society columns myself."

"Yes, Ma'am."

"But it's important to read the crime section so innocent citizens such as yourself know what's out there and how to protect yourself against becoming a victim."

"Wow, this is too much - I read about you guys all the time - Chuck Grant's column - I'm buddies with his shutterbug."

This just gave me a great idea - but I had to get Eddie alone to work out the details and pull this off.

Meanwhile, back at the "ranch", me-n-Eddie were pacing back and forth, my arms folded, his fist clutched, trying to sort out what was going on.

"The woman on the flyer perfectly fit the victims' description", I said.

"ALLEGED victims", countered Eddie, "the report they gave us differed greatly from that which they submitted to the insurance company".

"Indeed - hence the mystery in which we find ourselves enshrouded, but I got a plan. That kid back at the office mentioned Chuck Grant's articles about us. What say we give him a jingle and ask him to do some undercover reporting for us."

"Sure! Only..."

"...Only what?"

"Only if he just happens to bear an incredible resemblance to you."

"Eddie - you're suggesting I impersonate a newspaper reporter to gather information on our suspect under false pretenses?" [I chuckle at the thought] "I like it."

"Oui oui monsieur, with me shutterbuggin' away as Ricky Holstein. While you interview her, I'll be snappin' at any jewelry I find laying around, then e-mail it to the local jewelers. If they can identify any of these baubles, we got her for Grand Larceny."

"All right! Let's do it!"

And do it we did - before we took off for the carnival site, we obtained the e-mail addresses of any and all local jewelers around town, and told them of our plan. There had been quite a few thefts lately, and rewards out for any info. They extended them to us, too, but we declined, because restoring order and bringing scofflaws to justice is reward enough for us.

EDDIE - We hit the carnival site and looked around as we saw the fat lady, the strong man, the bearded lady, the sword swallower - you know, the usual suspects - not suspects in our way, but, you take my meanin'. The interview was fun - ya shoulda seen us - Mike was so convincing as Chuck Grant, tape recorder at the ready - and my Ricky Holstein was pretty easy to pull off - just look all wide-eyed and innocent while shutterbuggin' away.

"So, you are the Amazing Pearl, eh? I'm Grant from the Times - I think you'd make a pretty darn interesting story."

"Oh? Why is that?"

"Not only are you breezin' through town, but you're a celebrity to boot."

EDDIE - Pretending to admire the numerous jewels on her person, I gushed, "gosh, those are sure pretty".

"Oh, thank you - I'm glad you enjoy them. The are pieces I've recently purloined, uh, obtained - they were quite a steal all of them."

"Yeah, I'll bet".

"Would you like to photograph my collection?"

"With bells on."

I couldn't believe she was goin' right for our ruse. She opened up a display case and I snapped away, saying stuff like, "boy the readers are sure gonna love this."

MIKE - After a few minutes, the interview was over. Me-n-Eddie bid the
nice lady" goodbye, thanked her for her time, and went on with this case.

PEARL MAKES A PHONE CALL - SHE HAD A CALL TO RETURN AS THE PHONE RANG DURING THE INTERVIEW.

"Hello? Hi, Strong Man. How would you like to come over and work out on me - I'll make it worth your while. Would you believe it? My show's going to make the local newspaper, isn't that dreamy? Those two men? Reporters, of course - well, one was a reporter, the other one was his photograher. What do you mean no? The Dashing Duo? Who are they? Oh - - oh my God, well then they must be stopped at once. If my jewelry ring is exposed that'll be the end of me - I'll reach the peak of my beauty in prison! Seize them instantly!"

EDDIE - As we make our way outta this joint, we're approached by a couple of guys what look like gym nuts. They were meaty, beefy, big and bouncy, all right, wearing nothing by trunks and boots. They looked like superheroes, they stood with spread legs, crossed arms and clutching fists, but...holy antonyms...they were super - but far from heroes. Me-n-Mike were menaced in a malicious manner.

"Man, what gym were YOU guys born in?", said Mike.

"Never mind that - what were you two dicks doin' with the Amazing Pearl?"

Not knowing they discovered our true identities, we kept up the disguise, which they saw right through. We threw a few punches which nearly broke our hands, and that's when the wrestling match started. Me-n-Mike thought we were gonna win this one, it looked good for a while, but then somehow we were grabbed from behind. I stomped on one of the strong men's feet and turned around, trying to toss out another right hook, but it was all in vain. Pearl was summoned and she appeared momentarily.

"You two imbeciles. What made you think you could fool the Amazing Pearl? You're no reporters, you're the Dashing Duo and you're going to pay for being the Dahing Duo. I would never have known had it not been for my avaricious allies."

"And you call us imbeciles."

I suddenly get hit in the face with an aerosol blast.

"OW! I'm blinded - holy retinopathy - my eyes are burning."

MIKE - I got just what Eddie got. Me-n-Eddie fall to the ground, writhing, moaning, can't catch our breath.

"How long are we gonna BE like this?"

"Until right before you die, of course. This is a rather powerful jolt of Mace, known to bring men to their knees, as you have so graciously demonstrated for us."

"So that's it, done in by the wanton wiles of women's weaponry", I said, right before we passed out.

Next thing we knew, we found ourselves tied to a pillar of sorts. We regained our sight, but it was so dark in our makeshift prison, we may as well have still been blinded. A voice came over some loudspaker. It was Pearl.

"Have you woken yet, gentlemen? I would assume you have by now, since I measured out the dosage and am quite knowledgeable of its capability. You and your young friend are tied inside a shooting gallery - ducks - you know the game."

"Where pellets knock the ducks down and you win a prize."

"Originally, yes, and there are still pellets - for the most part. There are four 6-shooter air rifles - two of which are loaded with one actual bullet. Your chests have been aligned with the duckie's heads. As the conveyor goes round and round, your chances of survival are going down and down."

"Holy russian roulette!"

"Not Russian, Boy Breathtaker - not around here - I'm from Poland. I would make a wager, saying that if you do survive this trap I would surrender and accept deportation, but since you two will most definitely be dead sitting ducks, I see no point in carrying on this charade."

"The only charade is that you're going to get away with this!", I say.

"You are in no position to jump to conclusions, Defective Batty - oh, forgive me - Detective Batz - my English is a little off."

We hear her co-horts' voices in the back - "want me to pull the switch and get these guys goin'?"

"I thought you'd never ask", the heinous harlot hissed.

And we were off.

WHAT IS THIS? A GAME OF FAT CHANCE? A GAME OF SKILL, MINUS THE "S"?

HOLY RUSSIAN ROULETTE INDEED! HOLY SITTING DUCKS! DUCK, IN THIS CASE IS NOT A VERB THAT WILL SERVE THEM WELL - THEY'RE TIED SO TIGHT THEY CAN'T MOVE A MUSCLE!

READ ABOUT THE CONCLUSION IN THE NEXT CHAPTER - IT WON'T DO YOU ANY GOOD TO DUCK OUT!

CHAPTER EIGHTY-THREE - Holy Conundrums, Boss-Man!

2006-12-07T19:25:00.000-08:00

MIKE - One of the wheels of the cab I was driving to rescue the hostages had flown off and sent me spinning out of control. I stayed calm for the most part, except from shouting, "aw holy crap!" as it first happened. I regained my composure, and used the radio to call Eddie for help - I knew he had a tough choice to make - watching over the prisoners and Tim until the right guys came for them, or speeding off to help me. I was hoping he'd stay with them - as much as I needed him at this moment, he had to do his job. I aimed the cab at a tree - this had to end sometime and I didn't want anyone else gettin' hurt.

EDDIE - Mike put out an SOS on the cab radio. I was really stuck - with me gone out to help Mike, the prisoners could break loose, possibly kill Tim, I didn't want that on my head and I didn't want Mike's tragic fate on my head either. Holy conundrum!

"Mike - where are you - are you all right?"

"I'm going into a tree, kiddo - I'm about a block away from Corcoran."

I then heard a scream and a horrible crash, then an explosion. Just then, Tim ran up, "gimme your keys - I'm gonna find him!"

"But you're shot - you need medical attention."

"I'll get it later - see you back here in a bit!"

A few minutes later, the cops came by and nabbed the bad guys, the EMT's came, too, and I told them what was up - my partner's life was in danger, the shooting victim was running out there to see about him.

"I heard the car explode over the radio - the kid going out to get him - he's been shot in the arm, he's losing a lot of blood - they're really gonna need you guys."

The ride in the ambulance seemed to take forever - yet the site of the crash was only a couple of miles away. I braced myself for how I was gonna find Mike...and Tim...what could I do for him in return, ignoring his injury just to see about Mike so I could get turn the bad guys over to the cops. This was above and beyond the call of duty for this kid. Play through the pain.

IT'S TIM TO THE RESCUE - HE SPOTS THE DEMOLISHED, FLAMING CAB AND SHOUTS MIKE'S NAME - TRYING TO GET A RESPONSE - HE RUNS UP AND SEES MIKE TRAPPED INSIDE

MIKE - I couldn't get out - damn seat belt was stuck - I couldn't move, the car was on fire, but not on the inside...yet. Suddenly, I just see this pair of arms reach in and rip up the seat belt, dragging me out through the driver's door window - thank God it was a nice day and I had the window down. As he got me out and we started to run from the vehicle, it blew up to smithereens, sending us flying a little. We both landed with a thud on the ground, the kid was rolling over a few feet - he must've been really tossed. I lay on the ground lookin' right up and then this guy came up - his head blocking out the sun that was burnin' in my eyes. In my delirium, I smiled, and purred, "oh, Eddie", then reached up and kissed him. But it wasn't him - it was Tim.

He pulls away, "my God, Detective"

Realizing what I did, I snapped to attention and tried to talk to him, "my God, I'm sorry - I thought you were Eddie! I didn't mean to creep ya out, kid, ya gotta believe that."

Tim catches his breath and says to me, "I wasn't creeped out, Detective, I - - I enjoyed it."

"Eddie doesn't need to know about this."

"Neither do the guys at the cab company."

I put my hand out, "Deal"

Tim puts his hand out - we shake on it.

"I'm glad I got to you in time - you were gonna get the rest of those hostages out of that garage."

"I sure was."

"You still are - let's do it - we're pretty close."

Me-n-Tim jumped in the car and sped off to the rescue.

"Why'd ya come out here? Eddie called the docs to come get you."

"He was in a tough spot. I knew he had to watch the guys back there and I heard your accident on the radio, so I jumped in. Eddie didn't want to let me come out here at first, but it's just a shoulder wound, that's all. You guys play through the pain, don't ya?"

I chuckle at the thought, the kid was right. We arrive at the garage a couple of minutes later. We were sitting right out in front. Tim was ready to jump right out and get into it, but I took his arm and held him back, for his own good. We had to be careful. I didn't want his shoulders to be a matched set of lead.

"Aw, come on - ya gotta let me go in with ya. Some of my buddies are in there."

"Oh, absolutely, but we just gotta go about it carefully. I have a funny feeling about this."

"Oh, yeah? What's up?"

"I don't know yet, but there could be something's up. My gut tells me this might not be a simple operation. I got it outta your boss about the hostages, but it might be a trap."

"So, what do we do?"

"If we get shot at, we got bulletproof shields in the back. It might be a good idea to keep them with us. Some of your boss's goons might still be inside with them. The goal is for all of us to make it out alive. Ya with me?"

"Sure as shootin', Detective."

"Call me Mike. Come on...out through my door."

We step out of the car, slowly, cautiously, reaching for the shields. We crouch down behind them and approach the building cautiously - my breath held for the first shot - the first of many, I feared. Nothing happened. Then we reach a door, which of course was locked. Tim gave me his right arm and said, "here, take hold of this", and he kicks it in.

"Steel-toe boots."

"Ah"

MEANWHILE, BACK AT THE CAB COMPANY:

EDDIE - The cops came and took the bad guys off to jail- the kingpin, led away with his hands cuffed behind him, turned around and snarled at me - as if that'd every bothered me before. When you know in your heart you're right, it doesn't matter worth a darn who says what about you.

"It should've been you three being dragged outta here - on stretchers. I had the whole thing figured out."

"But we had good on our side, so, of course, we won."

"Yeah, well, we'll see who really won when your new boyfriend, Timmy, sees what happened to his little playmates."

"You callous, cold-hearted creep. Officers, take him away while I can still contain myself."

The EMT's ask about Tim. I tell them he took off with Mike to see about the other hostages at the 5th and Corcoran garage.

"He may have lost a lot of blood, I'm not sure, and the hostages may have been harmed, too. Officers, can ya send some back-up over to the garage? From what this wanton waste of life tells me, Mike and Tim might be in grave danger."

"One can only hope."

MEANWHILE BACK AT THE GARAGE:

MIKE - Me-n-Tim make our way in and we hear some screaming.

"Good grief, Mike! It's coming from down the hall."

We proceed and Tim kicks in yet another locked door. Tim's eyes and mouth open wide in horror at the sight of his cab-company-comrades riddled with machine-gun fire. The sound of us breaking down the door drew their focus and their weapons on us.

"DOWN!", I shouted as we crouched behind our bullet-proof shields. As I returned fire, I could see Tim straining to support his shield as the ammunition was getting heavier and heavier.

"Don't lose your grip, boy! HANG ON!"

I got in a few lucky shots, zapping one guy in the heart, another one right in the head, wiping them both out instantly, and I managed to knock the weapon right out of the other guy's hands, then I shouted to Tim, "let's get 'im!" and we clobber 'im. Tim runs right over to his buddies to assess the damage. It wasn't a pretty sight. The three hostages were moaning, writhing, screaming, one of them was pounding the floor with his crumpled fists, his face beet red with agony. I called Eddie and shouted to him, "Kiddo, where are you?"

"Right behind ya, Boss-Man"

Eddie stood proud with some EMT's at the ready to tend to the newly-administered wounds of the victims. After their examination of the three, the prognosis looked favorable.

"Yeah, they look pretty serious, but we can help 'em - they're gonna be all right."

Tim wept, "Oh, thank God."

The cops came in next, two of the venomous vermin were instantly killed while the other one didn't look so good after we got through with him. One of the officers assessed their damage, and I said to them, "we busted right in and caught these guys right in the act of shooting these kids". One of the officers nodded to me, "You did what ya had to do, Detective - they were clean shots. I'd say these killings were justified."

I nodded my head and said, "thank you."

The technicians treated Tim, too. All were taken to the ambulances waiting outside. As Tim was on the way out, he looked back at me with tear-stained eyes, and a quivering lip. It was the saddest I had ever seen anyone look in my entire life. A young boy like him suffering so much tragedy and shock and horror all within a couple of days - there was no reason, no rhyme, no right. I'd run the gamut of emotions in the few seconds spent considering Tim's saddened face. I was angry, sorrowful, mournful, grievous...but proud, too. Looking on him, I felt a smile come across my lips, showing everything I'd started feeling then - it was a smile of assurance, of comfort, of pride, of admiration of his courage - it was also a smile of hope that he'd remain the sweet innocent boy I met at the cab company, taking a bullet for protecting his job's interests, ignoring the physical pain while he helped us in avenging these crimes. I'd hoped he wouldn't lose that.

EPILOGUE:

A month or so goes by - me-n-Eddie made love the minute we woke up. He started it, licking my nipples and gently growling just like a little teddy bear. Okay, I'm only gonna say this once, and please don't puke when you read this - a little Eddie-bear.

OKAY - it's outta my system. Anyway, his growling and licking aroused me from a sound sleep. I tease him, "what do you think you're doin'?"

"I don't think I'm doing anything - I know I'm doin' something. Got a problem with that, Mister Man?"

I shook my head, "nope - I'm good - just wanted to know, is all."

Then Eddie took custody of my cock, rubbing it up and down, licking here and there, and was coming in for a landing. I grab the bars on the headboard of the bed and hang on for one heck of a ride. Aw, this was good stuff - real good stuff. I let out a moan and as Eddie came up for air, I shot a wad like a geyser.

"Holy old faithful."

"That's right, kiddo. You can set your cock to me. Oh, Eddie, what a good-morning-gift - what can I give you in return?"

"Keep your hands where I can feel 'em - turn and face the ground."

"Oh, yes, officer, anything to cooperate in the name of the law."

"You be a good guy about this, do what I tell ya, and I'll see to it that you get off."

I can't tell you enough how much I love this boy - how this boy makes me feel so loved. All the troubles in the world disappear when this boy's inside me, his hands on my butt, his lips and his tongue on my body, making me feel warm, embraced, comforted. Nothing beats all like a man's real love. I felt Eddie's warm cum sprinkle my back, like a cool mist of rain to soothe the heat of a hot summer's day. Nothing like it, folks...nothing.

We had the whole day in front of us. I turn back and lay on my back and Eddie rested his head on my chest.

EDDIE - I put my head on Mike's chest, one arm around him and the other across his chest, his warm, soothing, hairy chest - fingering and gently kissing his nipples as we lay together. Sometimes my arm would go to sleep with his body right on top of it, but I didn't care - it was all for a good cause.

"Whaddya wanna do today, Boss-Man?"

"I think we already did it, Kiddo."

"How about we just spend the whole day like this, cocooned from the rest of the world. They're pretty safe out there. We did a pretty good job seein' to that."

"Pretty good? We're the Dashing Duo - the best", I say as I kiss the top of his head.

The doorbell rings

"AW, crap!"

"Now, now, somebody needs us, Boss-Man - that's what we were put here for."

We got dressed and answered the door. Me-n-Eddie were a little taken aback by what we saw. We exchanged glances. This man was very solidly built, wore a black baseball cap with the curved beak shielding his eyes, already covered with black wraparound shades. Black leather jacket, opened, revealing a black tee-shirt, tight coal-black jeans and black leather bike-cop boots, gloves. A clean-shaven square jaw was the only hint of flesh betrayed on this man. Was he a hit-man, a guy hidden in the witness protection program? What was this? Me-n-Eddie thought he was hot, don't get us wrong, but we didn't know who this guy was, or what he wanted.

"So, how can we help you?"

"It's what I can do for you, Dashing Duo, if you'll let me in."

Cautiously, we let this guy inside, usherin' him into the parlor. Of course, we were always at the ready, always able to handle ourselves - it was, after all, two against one. As he reached inside his jacket, Eddie blurted, "watch out, Boss-Man!" "I got it, Kid!" All he did was produce a business card. It said, "Ace Justice - NightCabbie".

"Night Cabbie?", I said, "what's this all about?"

"I hear you guys were having trouble with a corrupt cab company recently."

"Oh, yeah, some guy out for vengeance 'cuz he says one of their drivers ran over his son. They tossed him in the clink for life, I'd say."

"It's not the only company in town, you know - there could be stuff like this goin' on all over. Drivin' a hack is kinda like bein' a cop - you're vulnerable behind the wheel, at the mercy of whoever rides in back - they could stiff ya, they could kill ya. You could go home at the end of your shift, but maybe you won't. That's what I'm here to prevent."

Eddie asks, "so, you're a kinda vigilante?"

"You might say that - I must remain vague about any personal details in order to keep my secret identity just that - secret."

I was scratchin' my head tryin' to make sense of this, "uh, do I know you? Have we met before? I'm sorry to say I can't recall seeing anyone like you before."

"You're not supposed to. Yes, we've met. All I'll say is I feel undying gratitude and loyalty to you for what you did for me."

"Geez, lots of guys feel that way", I say with all crossed-fingered modesty, "or so, they say. Come on, guy, can't you tell me who you are?"

"I'm Ace Justice - that's who I am."

Eddie asks, "what did my boss do for you? What made you wanna...."

"You were there, too, Eddie. Revealing the genus of my guise would only hint at my identity."

Eddie clutched his fist and nodded in resignation, "he's right, Mike. We need to respect his right to shield his true identity."

Ace did break a grin, "I'm glad to see you haven't changed, Eddie. You've kept that Robin-esque streak I like so much."

Mike was non-plussed, "but...but WHO...."

"Never mind, Mike, it's okay. Whoever this guy is, he's one of the good ones."

"You betcha."

"Okay, so you came by to thank us for whatever it is we did for ya, and to say you're here to curb cab crimes and crookery. I gotta say, as much as me-n-Eddie love crimefighting, we really can't be everywhere at once, so we do appreciate any guy who wants to lend a hand, so...welcome aboard", I shrugged.

EDDIE - The doorbell rings again, this time I'd answer it as Mike and Ace Justice continued their conversation. I was real suprised when it turned out to be Tim on the other side.

"Tim, hey, what's up?" I said, greeting him with a handshake. "How's the shoulder healing?"

"Hey, Eddie - uh, it's good - hasn't given me any trouble or anything - if it did it would be the least of what's goin' on, though."

"Huh? I don't getcha. Ya wanna come in and sit down?"

"Sure, but just for a bit. See, I really came by to say good-bye. I'm leavin' town and goin' back to Iowa."

"Iowa?"

"Yeah, that's where I'm really from."

"Gosh, was it anything to do with all that went down with the cab company?"

"Sort of. I got fired."

"No way."

"Fraid so - oh, Eddie - it's really been a nightmare over there. I'd been there a couple of years, and I did the best job I could, but what I never told you was the owner of the company is a total jag---, I mean, a total jerk. He ran the place like an Enron, or something - not paying good, making the mechanics sweep the floor, clean the toilet, that kinda thing. It didn't matter if the cabs were working right, he wanted the freakin' toilets to shine, can ya beat that? See, I was always pretty timid around him, doin' everything he said, keepin' my mouth closed, my nose clean, my eyes and ears open, but when this whole kidnappin' thing went down, and I showed some real guts helpin' you guys with puttin' a stop to this, I got to thinkin' I wasn't the same guy, anymore. It made a man outta me, the bullets, the fights, seein' the bad guys go off to jail, and knowin' I helped out in it..."

"Yeah, you really chipped in - helped me out of a bind I was in when Mike had his accident, and you played through the pain - you did it all with a really sore shoulder..."

"Right - like you guys are always doin' - see, that's what gave me some real guts, I knew I couldn't just go back in and be the same as I was ten seconds before I was shot. It really changed me. Nothin' wrong with cleanin' up around the place, but I wanted to service the cabs first, that was more important, and I told this guy that, but he thought I was bein' insubordinate, and he fired me, sayin' he could always get another worthless grease monkey like me."

"But you're not any of those things - not just a grease monkey, and especially not worthless. So, ya get a job somewhere else around here, there's no need to leave town, ya know."

"Yes, there is - see, mechanics is all I really know, and in those kinda circles, a guy like me...it's hard..."

"Guy like you?"

Tim breathed a heavy sigh and exhaled, I can see this was hard for him, and I was too, kinda. Well, we were sittin' pretty close together, lookin' at each other, and all....

"Eddie - I'm gay, and I, uh, tried keepin' that to myself, especially around the types I was workin' with. We'd go out to bars, hang out, that kinda thing. I didn't wanna be anti-social or anything, so I'd....I heard a lot of 'fag jokes', and on and on, and gettin' fired showed me I can't go on like this. So, I decided I gotta get outta this town, and back home. Start a new life."

"Yeah, but...Iowa...isn't that kinda homophobic out there? Small town stuff, and everything..."

"Maybe I shouldn't do this kinda lifestyle. I mean, I do like men, there's no doubt, but if I just go back to where I grew up, maybe I could...."

"What - forget who you really are? Squish that? Ignore it? Tim, buddy, that doesn't just go away just 'cuz you're having a bad time with it - right now. You said yourself you're not the same since all this happened, how it gave you guts, and now you're telling me you're goin' back home to forget....Tim, you went through a transcendental experience - the man you are was strengthened ten-fold and brought out - it must be nourished to flourish. Look....", I put my hands on his arms and looked into his eyes.....

"...you kept yourself hidden, taking that crap, pretending you were just Good-Time Timmy who loved hanging out in garages, ignoring your true self just to keep that lousy job, but now's the time to live for yourself, do what you wanna do. You're a young kid, like me. I remember what you said when you pointed out that my boss was right here with me, when we were both drugged-darted and paralyzed. That's what helped me get through that. When we're trapped, shot, beaten, anything - you name it, we always survive because the other guys is there, too. Maybe you need a guy like I got, a real mentor who sees what's in you and helps bring that out in you. And maybe..."

I hug him, rubbing the back of his head with one hand, holding him with the other....

"...maybe - this is what you need, too. The feel of a man's flesh gently and lovingly touching you. You're a beautiful boy, Tim"

I could hear him sniffling as I tell him this. He said I was, too.

"That's 'cuz of Mike."

"yeah, he's a great cop"

"Not only that - if we were two garbage collectors, or janitors, it'd be the same thing, 'cuz he's who he is, and I'm who I am. It's his love that makes me who I am."

MIKE - He doesn't know this, but me-n-Ace are there the whole time, listening in. I'm very touched and moved by what Eddie's saying. Ace sees this, too, and puts his arm around me. I whip out a hanky and dab my eyes.

Tim says, "you ever tell him that?"

...and then I hear Mike saying, "he just did". Tim and I break our embrace, he wipes his eyes. Mike stands proud, a stoic grin across his face, but a trace of redness around his pupils, and a bit of moisture on his lower eyelid betray his emotion, but I don't let on.

Mike extends his hand to Tim, "hi, ya, fella - good to see you again."

Ace stares at Tim - not that we can see his eyes, but his face is aimed right at his, so I'd guess he was looking right at him.

"So, you're Tim. Batz has just been tellin' me about you. So, what's shakin'?"

"Oh, uh, Tim, this is Ace Justice - he's sort of a.."

"vigilante, mercenary, whatever... I'm a crimefighter. Your look fits the description - your bravery, modesty, and all. So, anyways, like I asked, what's shakin' with ya?"

"Well, to be honest, I came over here to say good-bye, but me-n-Eddie were talkin', and, uh, I think I'm gonna stick around here. I got fired from the cab company, so I'm not sure what I'm gonna do, but..."

"I do", says Ace.

MIKE - Hoo-boy, I think I know where this is goin'.

"You're workin' with me. A boy with your heart and muscle belongs in crimefighting, not fixing cars, although I could use your expertise in case we get a flat somewhere along the way. I've been doin' this alone for a while now, but after I read about you, I got to thinkin' it wouldn't be bad to have someone like you by my side, sharing in the victories and defeats. You got a taste of crimefighting with these guys, and you did good. Now, you're gonna get a real feast."

"He's right, ya know", says Mike, "the life of a crimefighter is the most rewarding one, ever."

"It sure is", I say.

"One thing, though, I operate incognito - neither of these fine gentlemen has any idea of my secret identity. Workin' with me, you'd need to do the same. A disguise. You'd still be Tim Blake when we're not on the streets, but out there, you'd need a crimefighting handle. Now, in order for you to come into the fold, I need to reveal my identity to you, because you'd be living with me, but you'd need to take a solemn oath that you'd never betray me to anyone - not even to Mike and Eddie."

He took out something that looks like chap-stick, or something like that, and he smears this on his lips. I look at Mike to say, 'what's all this?', and he just shrugs.

"Come here, Tim", and he kisses him. Tim's a little timid about this, as anyone would be when a masked stranger suddenly comes up to you and kisses you, but a lot of guys fantasize about that sort of thing. Anyways...

"I do like you and I think you're hot, and in time you'll come to feel the same toward me. I'd be good for you - not like that imbecile you worked for at the cab company. Now, that's not the only reason I kissed you. What I had on my lips and what I transmitted to you was a mild hypnotic drug that curbs your temptation to reveal secrets that shouldn't be..."

"You drugged me to keep your identity a secret? You couldn't just trust me? Don't you think I'd be virtuous enough to respect your wishes without drugging me? My gosh, you think I'm good enough to battle the bad guys by your side, and I'm honored by that, but I wouldn't ever think of goin' behind your back. You wanna be my new boss, and you told me to not do something, so of course, I'm gonna obey you. That's what guys like me do. You needed to drug me for that? I'm sorry Mr. Justice, or whoever you are, but I just can't be a part of that, I'll find something to do out there..."

"Tim, I was testing you."

"Huh?"

"I wanted to see what you were made of, in terms of loyalty. This is not a drug. It's ordinary lip balm. What you just said spoke volumes. You're so guileless and virtuous you couldn't even stand the thought of workin' with somebody who'd pull a dirty trick like that. That's the kind I need with me. Please don't walk out on me, Tim. I never would really force anyone to fall in love with me, all that was just to see how you'd react, what sort of boy you are. You don't have to love me, Tim, but please be my sidekick, my comrade, my friend."

Well, wouldn't ya know it - Tim thought about it for a second, me-n-Eddie looking at him, nodding at him "do it".

He agreed, and went up to him and kissed him, on his own volition. Me-n-Eddie just looked on proudly. We were witnessing the birth of another crimefighting team. I could only hope they'd enjoy their partnership the same way me-n-Eddie have, and are, and always will.

I discovered Ace's true identity when we spoke privately. I was sworn to secrecy - I'm not even allowed to tell Eddie. Tim, or should I say Rick, stops by and hangs out whenever he can, not going into details, but telling us how much he loves his new life, his new street handle as Rick Righteous, and how much he loves his new mentor, Ace Justice, NightCabbie.

CHAPTER EIGHTY-TWO - Dispatching Vengeance

2006-11-26T10:37:00.000-08:00

EDDIE - Our investigation took a dark turn as a mechanic was shot in an attempt to thwart a possible tampering of the cab company's vehicles. Me-n-Mike were tending to him when we were also wounded and rendered powerless by paralyzing darts to the neck. Hardly the first time for us, but there are some things you just never get used to. Anyways, Mike fell unconscious, but I remained alert, I just couldn't move. I was still clutching my neck wound when the poison took full effect and my arm went limp along with the rest of my body. Tim was still conscious, too, having only been shot in the shoulder with a conventional bullet. But he was rendered powerless, too, as the bad guys shackled his ankles and wrists. With Mike unconscious, me paralyzed, and Tim chained up, the bad guys went about demolishing all the cabs in the garage awaiting servicing. Tim started to struggle against his bonds.

"What're you doing?"

"Maybe I can break these chains somehow. We can't just let 'em get away with this."

"You're right - we can't - - and we won't. These thugs'll be delivered to justice faster than you can do an oil change."

As he continued struggling, it was aggravating his shoulder wound. His face was frozen in a continuous grimace and he screamed periodically.

"It's no use, Tim. You look like a pretty strong guy, but those chains are at least 10 times as strong. We just have to roll with this for now."

"What are they going to do to us?", he asked, his face beet red, sweaty, and panicky.

"I really don't know - I'd hate to think of it."

And Tim really raised a good point when he said, "at least your boss is right here with you - mine took off for the day."

"He did?"

"Yeah, just a few minutes before all this went down."

"He drove off?"

"Well, yeah, there's no other way to get around in these parts."

None of this made sense to me - me-n-Mike were standing right outside when we heard the commotion and raced back in. We would've heard a car start, but we heard nothing, and saw no vehicles leave the site. I had to get a couple of other things outta the way before I raised my suspicion.

"You have a parking area in the back, right?"

"Yeah"

"Can anyone exit through there?"

"No, it's all blocked off - everybody's gotta enter and exit through the front."

"That's exactly where we were standing - outside."

"I don't getcha."

"We were out front the whole time and saw and heard nothing - no cars going in or out. Tim, your boss didn't take off - I think he's here and..."

Suddenly I felt something slam the back of my legs. I couldn't move them, but I still had sensation in them. Turns out it was a metal pipe. I've been tortured before, but not like this.

"What the hell are you two shitheads goin' on about? I see you can't be trusted to be left alone for even a minute. You need to be baby-sitted, I guess. Guys, get back to that later, we gotta do something about these hambones."

We were each slung over the shoulder of a henchman and Mike was dragged by his legs. I thought I might've heard him moaning. I think he was waking up from the drug.

"Wha - what's goin' on here? God why is my neck so sore?"

"Shut up"

"Hey, tie Mr. Shit-Wrench to the lube rack - hang him by his arms. Wounded limbs must always be stretched to the limit."

EDDIE - As the goons do as they are bade, I could hear Tim begging "no - no - NO!" as I started to feel the effect of the blow-dart wearing off. I checked with Mike, who was regaining consciousness. We had to form a plan of action in a hurry if we were to beat these guys, they'd already hung Tim up by his arms and were coming after us.

MIKE - I came to and wondered what happened to us. Eddie filled me in. I moved my hand a little and discovered the drug had worn off. I had a plan - don't I always - that me-n-Eddie would play possum until I thought it was good to pummel these thugs.

EDDIE - We were both slung over the shoulder of each thug - they were looking straight ahead as they carried us to what they thought would be our tragic fate, but we had other ideas. I slowly reached into my tool-belt and took out what was surely a holy diversionary tactic - a smoke bomb.

MIKE - The thugs were startled at the explosion and lost their grip of us. We immediately sprang into action.

EDDIE - Me-n-Mike were really wailing on these guys - I sent my thug across the room with a right slam to the gut and an upper-left-cut to the jaw. I had seconds to throw the switch that lowered Tim back to the ground and undo his bonds - once free, he joined right in with us. Mike called out to me, "hey Eddie, it's about time to end this masquerade ball."

"Right with ya, Boss-Man", and we ripped the ski-masks off these goons. Tim took a sock to the jaw and fell backward, but kicked his way back up - he slammed his opponent in the chest and sent him flying and we whipped his mask off, too, and that was the most alarming unmasking ever. Tim was shocked, but we weren't - it was Ralph, of course, the ringleader of these heinous hijinks.

"You were behind this whole thing - you shot me?"

"Sure did - you were gettin' too close - shame, though - you're a good guy - I was hopin' to get ya on my team, but ya got in the way".

And now for the moment we're all waiting for - the why'd ya do it!

"All right, you, spill it - what's the deal with screwin' with the cab company?"

"I wanna talk to my lawyer."

"Holy habeus corpus"

I send him reeling with a right hook, "that's what I think of your lawyering up, pal. Now I mean business. At least one of your guys is missing, taken at gun point, some of your cabs are messed up, ya shot your own mechanic - don't worry, kid, the ambulance'll be here soon - but you're gonna need one, too, dirtbag, unless you give the whole thing up. What - - were - - you - - up to?"

Finally the dispatcher couldn't take it anymore. He was ready to fess up. We all had him on what he was doin', but we had to know why, too. I stood over him, arms folded, legs spread, Eddie stood right at my side, fist in hand, always ready to use it. Tim stood clutching and rubbing his bleeding, wounded arm.

"Hey, kid, why don't ya relax and get more comfortable. I mean, ya just got shot for Pete's sake."

"Naw, I'm good just like this. I want this crumb to see what he did to me. After all the hard work and loyalty I give him, what do I get - a bullet."

"Kid makes a good point, dirt bag. Ya still haven't told me jack about what's up with destroying a cab company."

"All right - all right - I'll admit it. I wanted this place to go down - - after my son went down."

"Beg pardon?"

"My son - he was run over by a cab - this was a few months ago - he was just getting out of high school, and was gonna work part time while going to college. I found out it was a driver with this company. I went to his trial - I saw the judge slap 10 years of probation on him and revoke his drivers license. But that's not all I wanted. I wanted this one dead for killing my son. Oh, he apologized and all that, but that wasn't enough. He was only sorry he got caught. I couldn't do anything to him, I wasn't allowed to know where he lived, or anything. So I struck back the only way I knew how - I joined the company and set some kid up for a fatal robbery. I dispatched him out to some area and he was robbed at gunpoint and shot. I thought that'd be enough, but it wasn't - I really wanted vengeance on this dump for what they all did to me. They kill my son and then laugh right in my face. Well, I got news for them, there's still a couple of their guys missing and I ain't telling a thing."

Eddie started to get pumped up. You could see the fury in his eyes. "Aw, let me at him, Boss-Man - let's both tear him apart."

Grinning, I said, "sure, kiddo, knock yourself out - or him."

The dispatcher saw Eddie lunge at him with one arm raised and the other hand grabbing him by the collar of his shirt, causing the guy to panic.

"OKAY OKAY OKAY. Enough of this, I've had enough."

"Where are the other guys bein' held?"

"About 3 miles from here - in a garage at 5th and Corcoran. I got some friends of mine out there holdin' 'em."

"Okay", I say, "this is how it's gonna be. THe cops come and get you guys, the docs take care of Tim over here - I go out there and find the hostages safe and unharmed, I'll tell the authorities you cooperated and maybe they'll go easy on you - I'm not promising anything, but that's what I'll tell 'em provided Tim's arm is okay - same with the hostages. They just better be in good condition. Eddie, can ya stick around and wait for the boys while I got out to this garage?"

"Sure thing, Boss-Man, you can count on it."

"Oh, and meet me out there when all this is cleaned up, huh? I'll be takin' one of the cabs here."

"Can do."

I grabbed a key off the wall - indiscriminately - and head off for this garage this guy was yakkin' about. The cab I took had kind of a bumpy ride, but I didn't think anything of it, til one of the tires flew off and sent me spinning. I didn't have time to dial Eddie on the cell phone. Dialing 7 digits could mean life or death. I had to stay focused. I used the cab's radio instead, screaming Eddie's name into the microphone, hoping he'd hear me, and then......

THEN WHAT? MIKE SENT SPINNING UNCONTROLLABLY INTO GOD KNOWS WHAT SORT OF FATE! WHAT'S EDDIE TO DO IF AND WHEN HE HEARS MIKE'S CALL FOR HELP? SHOULD HE TAKE OFF AND LEAVE THE BAD GUYS AND THE BLEEDING, BULLET-BATTERED BOY-GOODWRENCH? SHOULD HE SACRIFICE HIS PARTNER, HIS MENTOR, THE LOVE OF HIS LIFE TO MAKE SURE THE COPS AND THE DOCS GET THE RIGHT GUYS? READ ON, MY FRIENDS - JUST - - READ - - ON!

CHAPTER EIGHTY-ONE - The Case of the Cute Cabbie-Capture Caper

2006-11-09T18:24:00.000-08:00

AT THE END OF THE RIDE, THE CABBIE PULLS UP TO THE CURB AND ANNOUNCES TO THE PASSENGER, "Okay, pal, the total is $17.50." HE JOTS THE AMOUNT DOWN ON A LOG HE KEEPS FOR HIS OWN RECORD, THEN HE FEELS A COLD STEEL OBJECT AT THE BACK OF HIS NECK AND INSTINCTIVELY REACHES BACK TO BRUSH IT AWAY THEN HE HEARS THE THING THAT NIGHT CABBIES DREAD THE MOST:

"This is a loaded 38 caliber pistol. Now, do everything I tell you and you'll survive to see the end of your shift. You can go home in one piece."

THE CAB DRIVER GASPS, RAISES HIS HANDS AND SHUDDERS SLIGHTLY.

"Put your hands in the air where I can see them. Do not try any acts of heroism. This is a robbery and this is gonna happen. Keep your hands right where I can see them and tell me where you keep your cash."

"It's in the compartment between the seats."

"Good. You're doing very well. This will be over in about 18 seconds."

THE PASSENGER KEEPS THE GUN AT THE BOY'S NECK WITH ONE HAND AND REACHES FOR THE CASH WITH THE OTHER, THE CABBIE KEEPS HIS HANDS IN THE AIR, BUT AS HE SEES THE PASSENGER'S HAND REACH ACROSS, HE SUDDENLY JOLTS AND GRABS THE BAD GUY'S WRIST AND STARTS WRESTLING WITH HIM.

"I forgot to warn ya, pal, I was the star on my wrestling team in school."

HE CLIMBS IN THE BACK SEAT, PULLS THE BAD GUY'S HAND BEHIND HIS BACK AND HOLDS IT THERE. HE TRIES TO BREAK LOOSE, AND OPENS THE BACK DOOR TO TRY TO GET OUT, BUT THE CABBIE'S RIGHT ON TOP OF HIM. THEY SCUFFLE FOR A BIT, WRESTLING FOR THE GUN, BUT THE BAD GUY HAS SOME WRESTLING SKILLS OF HIS OWN AS HE KICKS THE CABBIE OFF HIS BACK, GRABS HIS GUN AND TAKES AIM. THE CABBIE'S EYES WIDEN IN HORROR AS HE REALIZES HE'S TRAPPED.

"Don't you worry. There are no bullets in this gun."

"Huh?"

HE SHOOTS THE CABBIE IN THE ARM, INSTANTLY KNOCKING HIM OUT. HIS ASSAILANT TIES THE UNCONSCIOUS CABBIE'S HANDS BEHIND HIS BACK AND GRINS, "not bullets, just a mild tranquilizer." HE MAKES A CALL ON HIS CELL PHONE, "Hello, boys, it looks like we can make the rent this month. I just snagged a new roommate for us."

ANOTHER CAR DRIVES UP TO PICK UP THE NEW PRISONER. "I thought you'd never get here. Help me with this one, would ya - all of these rippling muscles weigh a ton".

AND YET ANOTHER VEHICLE - THIS ONE FROM THE SAME CAB COMPANY. THE OTHER CABBIE SCOFFS, "What the hell's this guy doin', whackin' on the job..."

BUT THEN HE SEES THE KIDNAPPERS ABOUT TO LOAD THE CABBIE INTO THE TRUNK.

"Holy MOLEY! Hey, #6 to base - #6 to base - emergency - have I got a HOLY CRAP for you!"

"Come in #6, what's up?"

"Jimmy in #8's bein' kidnapped - these guys are poppin' the trunk open-n-everything!"

"WHAT?!? SHIT!! And he's a new guy, too! Hey, uh, see if you can spot a license plate number."

"Roger, chief"

THE WOULD-BE RESCUER PEERS AT THE NUMBERS ON THE LICENSE PLATE AS BEST AS HE CAN, WHILE KEEPING A SAFE DISTANCE. HE READS THEM TO THE DISPATCHER.

"I'll call the cops, too."

"Naw, never mind - I'll take that from here. Ya still got fares to pick up tonight."

"But what about . . ."

"I know yer worried about 'im, but ya gotta stay safe and ya gotta keep doin' yer job! We got a plate number - we'll call the cops in - hey, gimme a locale."

"At 6th and 3rd - due east."

"10-4"

AS IS TYPICAL OF ALL YOUNG BOYS IN THIS SERIES, ONE CAN ONLY GUESS WHAT THIS GUY'S GOING TO DO NEXT. THAT'S RIGHT - HE TRIES TO STOP IT HIMSELF.

"Hey, you - hold up! What the heck ya think yer doin'!"

THE CABBIE'S ASSAILANT AND CAPTOR TURNS AROUND, DART GUN IN HAND, AIMED AT THE WOULD-BE RESCUER, WHO INSTANTLY REACHES FOR THE SKY/

"You get back - if ya don't wanna join your friend here. Be a smart kid and get lost. Don't be a hero."

WITH THAT, THE ASSAILANT OPENS FIRE AROUND THE BOY, FIRING OVER HIS HEAD, AND TO HIS LEFT AND RIGHT SIDES AS THE KID RUNS FOR COVER. HE ESCAPES UNHARMED. THE KIDNAPPER'S CAR DRIVES AWAY, AND THE KID LOOKS BACK AT IT, BREATHING HEAVILY, GRIMACING, SHAKEN AT WHAT HE'S JUST SEEN. HIS RADIO COMES BACK ON, IT'S THE DISPATCHER.

"Number 6 come in - NUMBER 6!"

"6 Here!"

"We got some help comin' in here pretty soon - head back over this way - they might want ya to tell 'em what you saw."

"Roger 10-4"

"10-4"

MIKE - Me-n-Eddie get a call from a cab company - a robbery and a kidnapping. Some kid cabbie saw the whole thing and called it in - pretty open and shut case, I'd guess. We head off to the cab company to see what's what. Dispatch lets us in and we introduce ourselves.

"Oh, hey, there - glad to meet ya guys - I heard a lot about ya."

"Good to meet ya, too - so, what about the kid who called this in - he here yet?"

"No, but he's on the way - I told him to pop on back over here."

"What do you know so far?"

"Well, nothin' more than what I told ya already - kid sees this goin' down, calls it in - I told him to not try to be a hero or nothin' - just hope he didn't try anything - I didn't want him to end up gettin' snatched up, too."

"Is this the first time this has happened here?", Eddie asked.

"Yeah - and I'm surprised it did, too. Been opened 25 years now, nothin' like this ever went down before. Feel kinda bad, though."

"Yeah, I can see."

"I mean, I'm the one who told him to pick this guy up. I kinda feel like this is my doin', ya know?"

I assured him, "No, it's not your fault. You didn't know he was gonna pick up someone who'd do this to him, right?"

EDDIE - Funny thing - as soon as Mike asked him that, he paused, like he was trying to figure out what to say next - like an actor forgettin' his lines, or something.

"Uh, oh, sure, right - yeah, you're right, Detective - I'm worried about nothin', I guess."

Me-n-Mike look at each other. I motion to the dispatcher, Mike has a confused look on his face.

Then the kid cabbie walks in. Me-n-Mike introduce ourselves to him and he tells us the whole story, even sayin' that the guys took some shots at him.

"Holy moses, the slugs missed me by that much, one of them hit one of my windows. Here..."

MIKE - The kid takes a couple of shell casings outta his pocket.

"Pretty cool, huh?"

"Wait a minute - why'd they shoot at you? I told ya to keep yer distance. Did you try goin' after them?"

"Sorry, Chief, I couldn't help myself - I just wanted to..."

"Sure, ya just wanted to...yeah, I know - all you kids are all alike - yer all tryin' to be some kinda Boy Wonder or somethin'...even you!"

EDDIE - I know we're dealin' with a taxi company here, but I still couldn't resist sayin, "yer talkin' to me?"

"If the CAPE fits, yeah. I don't know what it is with all-a you kids - it's like you ain't nothin' unless you're out there savin' lives - ya all wanna be cops, firemen and everything."

MIKE - I was pretty concerned with the way this guy was talkin' - I had to speak up.

"My partner, Detective Robinson, is a fine young man devoting his life to the fight against crime. You should be proud of this other young fella here - he saw a buddy in trouble and tried to help him."

"Hey, I know what yer sayin' - but I can't run a cab company if all these kids are out there playin' hero - they got people to drive around out there."

"I see. Hey, kid, what's your name?"

"Freddie - Freddie Foster."

We shake hands, "good to know ya, Freddie - you never mind what yer boss man tells ya, you did good."

"Holy cow - really?"

"Why, sure - now we got somethin' to go on."

"Sure as shootin' - you called us in for help, but we wouldn't know where to start without you as a witness. When we catch these guys, and we catch 'em all, you'll even be brought into testify at their trial, identify them in a line-up, that kinda thing."

"Holy willikers - hey, how long you been doin' this?"

"Little while now, I guess - it feels like 5 minutes - when me-n-the Boss-Man hooked up, time kinda stood still - guess you could say I just got really into it."

"Hey #6, don't quit yer day job - while ya still got it, that is."

"Right - I should get back on the beat - I mean, the road (heh). Good to meet you guys."

"Hey, uh, we'll walk out with ya - wait up."

"You did good by callin' us in. Don't ya worry, we'll get your kid back and we'll nail these guys."

I salute the guy and Eddie doffs his cap and we're off with Freddie.

"Listen, kid, if there's anything else you might find out along the way, why don't ya drop us a dime. Here's our card."

"Batz & Robinson - boy, I sure will. I'll keep my eyes and ears open."

"'Preciate that."

EDDIE - Freddie drives off - I have a sinking, uneasy feeling about this whole thing. Me-n-Mike face each other, I'm standing with my legs spread eagle, wringing my fist in my hand and the sleeves of my shirt show off my bi-ceps. The car door is open, Mike stands with one leg hoisted up, resting on the outboard, one hand on his hip, pushing his trenchcoat back, his other arm resting on his upraised thigh. We both make pointing gestures when we talk.

"Mike, I got this funny feeling something's not right here."

"You, too, huh?"

"The way the Dispatcher paused when you assured him this incident wasn't his fault -the way he went off on Freddie about trying to help the other cabbie - like he has something against young guys fighting crime."

"Devil's Advocate - he's worried about the business, he's worried about his drivers making it safe at the end of their shift - he is in charge of them, ya know."

"But he had the same attitude toward me - I'm not one of his drivers. Why would he be worried about me?"

"Oh, he's worried about you all right."

"Because he's up to something and is afraid we'll find out what it is - but why would he call us in on this to begin with?"

"A ruse. You do remember that mobster's moll murderously mowing us down."

"I always will - that memory will always leave me cold."

"As I lay wounded, I heard you ask if she was gonna shoot you, too, and she did. At that point, she was really out to get me, and she shot you 'cuz you were on my side - you woulda been a witness."

"So he wants me out of the way. I don't get it, why didn't he just track me down and kill me right off the bat?"

"Come on, now, Eddie - you've been in the biz for a while now - it's all a game. He's toying with us - he wants us to come into the picture, make like he needs our help, throw us off the scent, and then BANG!"

"Well, then let's go in there and put him away once and for all."

MIKE - Eddie was about to get runnin' back in the office to confront our suspect, but I put a hand on his shoulder to stop him. I took a long breath and exhaled slowly.

"I'm afraid we can't do that."

EDDIE - As he stopped me from running back to the office to pounce on this guy, he had this look of sadness and frustration on his face, but he was trying to stay stoic. I looked into his eyes, too, and I took his meaning. I looked down for a second, then looked back up at him and nodded in reluctance. I hated the sound of these words which lazily left my lips, but they were right.

"We don't have - - any evidence."

Mike smiled at me and patted my shoulder in an act of assurance and consolation.

"Not yet, my boy, but we will. Right now, we gotta stay one step ahead of this guy - eyes and ears open, nose clean, no stone unturned. He is trying to kill you and has probably perpetrated some putrid plot to do so. But I'll be right there - just as you were there for me when we both took it from that murderous moll."

MIKE - As I said that, it gave me pause - I flashed back to that night. I looked into his eyes and my eyes softened as did my voice:

"That was the night I knew I was in love with you."

Eddie's eyes softened, too, and a small smile snaked across his face.

I then put out the gruff exterior for a second, but that gave way to what was really in my heart.

"I mean, SURE, we got it on and I thought you were hot, as I still do, and all, but..."

I took his hand in mine.

"I had a pretty good life, then you saved it, and made it - - wonderful. I love you."

I put my other arm around him, and he did likewise with me, and we shared a beautiful kiss.

"And I love you, Mike."

A SUDDEN SLIGHT SOUND OF A SHOT AND SCREAM ARE HEARD

"Holy buzz-kill - what the heck was that."

"Only one way to find out - LET'S GO!"

"RIGHT AS RAIN, BOSS-MAN!"

MIKE - We charged upon the scene after hearing what sounded like someone getting shot - we saw no one in the dispatcher's office and headed out to the garage in the main area. A mechanic was shot and wounded, and the back door was wide open. I knelt down to the crying kid and checked his wound.

"Where'd you get hit, kid?"

"In the shoulder. I saw someone who didn't belong here, looked suspicious so I said to him, 'hey, what're you doing here', and he shot me. The bullet knocked me down."

Eddie saw the back door open and asked, "did your assailant run out through the back?"

"Yeah - there's just these doors here."

"Describe him."

"Assumin' it was a guy, he had on a ski mask and a black tee-shirt, pants and gloves."

Eddie slammed his fist into his hand out of frustration, "gloves - sure, I shoulda known - DARN IT ALL - now there's no fingerprints."

"Well, sure, but there's a puddle toward the back - footprints - there's a bullet in the kid's shoulder - ballistics...hey, uh, what's your name?"

"Tim"

"Good to meet ya - I'm Mike and this is Eddie - we're detectives - "

"Hi - good to meet ya too"

Eddie went on, "thanks - what do you do here?"

"I'm a mechanic"

"Oh, okay - anyways, we were checking out a kidnapping of one of your cabbies, questioned the Dispatcher and left, then we heard the shot. Was your assailant trying to steal something?"

"No - he was messin' with one of the cabs here I'm workin' on and I caught him in the act, and he caught me in the shoulder, I guess."

"Don't you worry - we'll get you help for that straightaway - Mike, what's the matter?"

MIKE - I was in deep thought - here it was another young guy hit just right after the first one. They shared basic size, shape and coloring - I clued Eddie in on my suspicions

"They must be connected."

"True - but how, and why?"

"That's kinda what I was asking him when he shot me - why? I'm just a fixer-upper around this place."

"You did try to stop him."

"He was askin' for it - I've been here about 2 years now and I really love the joint - I always look out for this place - check peoples' parking and all of that."

Then he got this look of horror on his face, which puzzled me - 'cuz his shooter took off, and all.

"What's wrong, kid? Your wound gettin' worse?"

His eyes widened and he kept saying no, no, no

"Come on, nothin' to be scared of now - you're among friends here and - - AAHH!"

"MIKE!"

"OW! Holy karate chop!"

EDDIE - Me-n-Mike were hit with something in the back of the neck - and it wasn't a mosquito bite either.

MIKE - We took it in the back of the neck and fell over forward
- and that's the last thing I remember before..........

BEFORE?

BEFORE WHAT?

WHAT UGLY UNHOLY MESS HAVE OUR HEROES FOUND THEMSELVES IN? AS MIKE WOULD SAY, 'ONLY ONE WAY TO FIND OUT' - IN THE NEXT CHAPTER.

CHAPTER EIGHTY - Bullets, Bloodshed and Brothers Bonding

2006-10-23T04:18:00.000-07:00

WE LEFT POOR CIVILIAN 911 DISPATCHER RICKY ALVAREZ SCREAMING AND CRYING FOR MERCY AS HE WAS PULVERIZED BY PERILOUS PUB-DARTS BY TWO HENCHMEN JUST OUT FOR A FRIENDLY GAME OF SKILL. AFTER THE FIRST ROUND, THE DARTS WERE PULLED OUT OF HIM AND THEY WANTED TO GO TWO OUT OF THREE, THEN

"HEY! What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"Cheese it - it's the boss!"

"I told you idiots to watch this kid. Why is he crying and screaming?"

"He's homesick - he just wants to get outta here."

"I don't think so."

LOOKING OVER RICKY'S BODY, HE SEES FRESH WOUNDS ON HIS ARMS AND HANDS AND TINY RED PINPRICK HOLES IN HIS TEE-SHIRT.

"The boy's bleeding - what did you do to him?"

HE WAS ABOUT TO SAY THE WORD "DARTS", BUT REMEMBERED THIS GUY WASN'T A COP - WASN'T ANYBODY WHO COULD HELP - ANYBODY WHO WOULD CARE WHETHER HE LIVED OR DIED DOWN HERE. THE BOSS EYED A PAIR OF DARTS STICKING OUT OF ONE OF THE HENCHMEN'S HANDS AND GRABS THEM "DARTS? You were using him as a dartboard?"

"We couldn't help ourselves."

"Excuse the fuck out of us, we got bored."

"Oh, yeah? Well, my miscreant minions, I get bored, too. How would you like it if I did THIS!"

WITH THAT, HE PLUNGES A DART IN EACH OF THE HENCHMEN'S SHOULDERS AND THEY SCREAM IN PAIN AND GO DOWN.

"COME ON BOSS - GIVE US A BREAK - PULL THESE THINGS OUT - FUCKING THINGS HURT!"

"Of course you didn't think about that when you were throwing them at Ricky a few minutes ago - DID ya!"

ONE OF THE NOW SOBBING HENCHMEN ASKS, "What're ya doing back so soon?"

"I never left - I was upstairs the whole time, monitoring you morons. I came right back down when you started playing your sick little game."

"And as for you..."

THE BOSS TURNS TO RICKY AND RAISES HIS HAND AS IF TO TAKE ANOTHER SWING AT HIM, THEN HOLDS BACK AS RICKY STARES RIGHT AT HIM WITH MOIST RED EYES. HE'S QUIVERING.

THE BOSS STARES RIGHT BACK AT HIM THEN SOFTENS HIS GAZE

"No. I can't do this."

HE KISSES HIM SOFTLY AND PUTS HIS HANDS ON HIS SHOULDERS.

"I can't go on with this."

RICKY'S HANDS AND FEET ARE UNCHAINED. THEN HE TIES RICKY'S HANDS TOGETHER IN FRONT.

"Don't let him go!" YELLS ONE OF THE HENCHMEN

"Maybe he's finally gonna finish him off!" YELLS THE OTHER.

THE BOSS TAKES A GUN OUT AND AIMS IT AT THEM BOTH.

"No, it's you guys who are finished. I have other plans for the kid."

BOTH HENCHMEN ARE SHOT TO DEATH

RICKY SCREAMS IN HORROR, COULD HE BE NEXT?

"No. It's not your death I want. It's your loyalty. You're staying with me."

HE TAKES THE BOY TO ANOTHER ROOM - A BEDROOM - AND CUFFS ONE OF HIS HANDS TO A BEDPOST.

"You'll stay here for a while. I have a couple of things to do, but I'll be back for you."

MEANWHILE, BACK AT MIKE AND EDDIE'S;

EDDIE - I went through all those traffic-cam photos - it was getting frustrating going through all those pictures of basically the same thing. But I had to find out what happened before the dash-cam went on. I, for one, would never want to pin anything on a police officer, but he wasn't in much of a position to be interviewed at this point in his recovery. We had to have hard-core evidence. We had to win this thing. We had to hang in there, though - sure it was monotonous, but this is what we had to do to save Ricky Alvarez's life.

MIKE - Dash-cam video stills are pretty blurry sometimes. I was going through all the photo manipulation programs I had, trying to clear up this number once and for all. Problem was there are tons of vehicles out there that look exactly alike at first glance. We were up for hours. Holy midnight oil as Eddie would say. If it wasn't for my Boy Friday, I don't know how I would've gotten through this. A case can sometimes really take a lot outta you. After I got what looked like the number, I ran it through DMV records and found there were several names attached to it.

"How are ya comin' along, Eddie?"

"My eyes are gettin' a little irritated, a little itchy, but I gotta stay focused. I don't care if this takes all night."

"Good boy."

"You havin' any luck?"

"I finally did get the image cleared up, but there's a bunch of names attached to the one plate. I dunno if it's a bunch of other people or maybe a bunch of aliases."

"Read some of the names. Maybe there's a pattern."

"Let's see - Floyd Pinkerton - Jerry Fillmore - Jeff Butterfield - Rubin Hoffman - Joe Fisher - Mitchell Woods...all in their late 20's"

EDDIE - Oh, there was a pattern all right. As Mike read off the names, a funny feeling came over me - all of those names sounded familiar for some reason. Then it hit me. Then I hit the desk I was sitting at and I blurted out:

"Holy psychedelia!"

"Huh? I don't getcha."

"Mike, think about it - Floyd Pinkerton? Pink Floyd - Jerry Fillmore equals Jerry Garcia playing at the Fillmore West - Jeff Butterfield becomes Jefferson Airplane and the Butterfield Blues Band - Joe Fisher, Country Joe and the Fish - Jerry Rubin, Abbe Hoffman.."

"OF COURSE! These all represent the 60's counter-culture, where...COPS WERE PIGS!"

"And the ages, Mike - think about the age..."

"NEVER TRUST ANYONE OVER 30!"

"This guy's a throwback! A COP - - OVER 30 yet - was shot and the younger guy, also with the police department, even though he's not really a cop, they just thought he was, was kidnapped."

"If that is the pattern, that is the sickest thing I ever heard of - corrupting our law-abiding youth and murder, attempted or otherwise, of the establishment."

"But Ricky is NOT gonna be corrupted and Officer Burke is NOT gonna die!"

"NOT IF WE HAVE ANY SAY IN THE MATTER - LET'S GO, EDDIE! THESE DUDES ARE, LIKE, BUSTED!"

"I dig yer message, man!"

AS OUR HEROES RACE TO THE SCENE, OUR VILLAIN HAS JUST LEFT RICKY UP IN HIS ROOM, HANDCUFFED TO A BEDPOST. ALL OF THIS HAS HAPPENED IN LESS THAN ONE DAY. RICKY BEGINS TO THINK OF WHAT WAS GOING ON WHEN HE GOT UP THAT MORNING, GOT READY FOR WORK, JOYFULLY RODE ALONG WITH OFFICER BURKE. A DAY THAT HAD STARTED OUT WITH SUCH PROMISE IS LOOKING TO BE THE BIGGEST NIGHTMARE OF HIS LIFE.

"Oh, God, what's gonna happen to me?"

HIS QUESTION IS ABOUT TO BE ANSWERED, AS OUR HEROES ARRIVE UPON THE SCENE. OUR VILLAIN IS WALKING OUT TO HIS CAR AS A VOICE HE WOULD RATHER NOT HEAR CALLS OUT.

MIKE - We spot the bad guy comin' outside, ready to head out somewhere, but he's not goin' where he thinks he might be. Oh, no, me-n-Eddie have a chage of plans for him.

"Get the shields ready, kid, he could be armed,"

"Right, Boss-Man."

We fold up the shields behind us before we make our approach.

"Floyd Pinkerton - alias Jerry Fillmore, alias Jeff Butterfield, alias Joe Fisher"

"What the hell do you want?"

"I want you - behind bars - you're the ringleader behind the shooting of Officer Jack Burke and the kidnapping and shooting of Ricky Alvarez, and you're coming with me - right now."

EDDIE - The bad guy reaches for his piece - I warn Mike

"Watch it, Boss-Man, he's got a gun"

The shields come out. I fire a lucky shot, knockin' his piece outta his hand. He flees back inside, we go running after him.

EDDIE - I catch up with the bad guy, land a punch in the face and demand to know where Ricky's being held.

"You'll never get that out of me. He's mine now!"

He takes off running again, with me almost right on top of him. He heads into a room and I follow suit, kicking the door in and see Ricky handcuffed to a bedpost. He uncuffs him, holds his body up in front of him and aims a smaller, more concealed weapon at me.

"Hands up, boy. Make one move and the kid cop gets it!"

"Holy human shield"

"You - kid cop - search Prince Valiant for any weapons - and don't try to pull anything or else this'll be one bullet I won't try to remove."

Ricky walks over to me to search me - I have my hands up. I'm loking right at his abductor, with weapon in hand. I plot my next move. I figure gettin' popped with a gun of such small size can't do very much damage, and I'd kinda be a movin' target, anyway, so the odds of dodgin' gunfire are in my favor, more or less. We're standing at a distance that's narrower than my height, if I could just leap up nd try to kick the gun outta his hand. I whisper to Ricky, "grab my right hand - and duck."

He does just that, and I take my leap. It worked! My feet kick the bad guy right in the face, and he fires a shot, but none of us are hit. He's knocked against the wall and I move in for the kill, so to speak. As I cuff him to the bedpost, I shout out, "how many more of you in this place?"

"You'll find out soon enough, and you won't like it!"

"We'll see about that."

MIKE - With piece and shield at the ready, this is gonna be some bust, all right, but then, I'm sucker punched, and fall to the ground, but I bounce right back up again. Bullets fly, but none hit me.

EDDIE - Ricky and I take off to look for other possible henchmen, then I hear Mike's voice and some shots.

"Holy blitzkrieg! Mike's in trouble - we gotta get 'im out!"

We see him being pummelled by two thugs. I say to Ricky, "the shield's gonna hold out - it always does, but we gotta get one of 'em to start shootin' over here - lighten the Boss-Man's load. Here, get behind me behind this - grab onto my waist - I got a plan."

I took out a flash grenade - nothing lethal or harmful, but just something to put them off their aim, but unfortunately, when the flash cleared, one of the goons started firing on us, but fortunately, we had the shield to protect us -

Ricky started to panic - his breath was rapid and labored, as was his heartbeat, which I felt pumpin' away as he was right on my back, I felt every breath, every heartbeat, even every drop of sweat.

"Just hang in there, kid, this'll be over before ya know it."

See, I knew they were bound to run out of ammo and have to reload - and THAT'S WHEN WE GOT 'EM! As soon as they took out the empty magazine and reached for the other, Mike jumped on one and I shouted to Ricky, "MOVE! NOW!" and the three of us beat the bejesus outta the two of them. Ricky continued to wail on our guy as I'd seen that the kingpin, the big boss-man himself was fleeing for his life. I tackled him but good.

"Oh, no you don't!" I shouted as I slammed him into a wall and cuffed him right then and there. As I was subduing the suspect, I heard a cracking noise. I called out to Mike who said he was okay - he subdued his guy, then I turned around and caught Ricky standing above his guy. The kid was shaking.

"Ricky, what's up there, pal? What's the matter?"

"He's - he's dead, Eddie - I snapped his neck."

We called the cops, who came and got 'em all.

MIKE - They were about to grab the cuffed kingpin but then I snarled at him, "well, well, well...you guys were out to snag all of us, but it's the other way around, now, isn't it!"

EDDIE - I added to the mix, "cop-nappin', cop-shootin', not good stuff, Maynard"

But then Ricky stepped in.

"No, that's not true - sure he had me kidnapped, but he didn't want me shot. In fact, he even removed one of the bullets."

MIKE - Of course I asked, "why not both?"

"The risk of nerve damage to the leg was quite high. I thought it would be best to just leave it in."

"Just like Officer Burke."

"See, I used to be a Surgeon."

"I love it, goin' from a saw-bones to a psycho. Guys, take this away, it's makin' me sick."

"Kid, I'm not sure ya shoulda said that - it might give 'im a lighter sentence."

Eddie interjected, "he had to, Mike - it was the truth. No matter what, we always have to be just and righteous."

"Sad but true, kiddo. Sad but true."

- - - - -

IT'S BEEN A COUPLE OF WEEKS SINCE THE WHOLE EPISODE PLAYED ITSELF OUT. RICKY GETS CALLED INTO THE OFFICE OF THE CHIEF OF POLICE.

"You wanted to see me, Chief?"

"I sure did - I'd like to know the meaning of this."

"Hey, it's just as it says - it's my letter of resignation."

"Uh-huh? Why's that?"

Ricky drew a heavy breath and explained, "After my ordeal out there - while I was recovering from everything, I got to thinking this might not be a good line of work for me."

"I see. You have plans after this?"

"Yes, sir, I do. I'm going to work for my cousin's insurance agency - I'll be in Sales."

"I don't know - Where's Ricky and what have you done with him?"

"Excuse me?"

"You're taking up his body, whoever you are, but this is not Ricky Alvarez, the kid who'd do anything just to be involved in public service - sayin' it was in your blood."

"Well, sir, I guess it wasn't after all."

"Sure it was!"

MIKE - Yep, that was me. Me-n-Eddie were standin' in the chief's office doorway hearing everything- believin' nothing. See, the Chief called us in to see about this little matter.

"It still is. How long's it been since this whole thing happened - two - three weeks, is it?"

"Uh, something like that."

"Uh-huh - and in that time, you went to a proper hospital and were told the same thing about your leg, that they have to leave the bullet in there to avoid nerve damage. How's it feelin', kid?"

"My foot doesn't really hurt or anything - just a little tender."

"Hmm, I see."

I walk over to him, stickin' my hands in my pockets, my coat open, behind my arms, Eddie - same thing. My head tilted back a little, a sinister look on my face that says, "yer fulluvit", the occasional raised eyebrows. I got this kid - I got 'im. I always do. Eddie does, too.

EDDIE - I pull out a chair for him and motion him to sit. He does have a bad foot, now, don't forget. Me-n-Mike stood on either side of him, the Chief standin' nearby with his arms folded. This wasn't just a "gave it the ol' college try, now I'm movin' on" type of deal. Naw, once you get a taste of this life, you're ready for the banquet. Oh, uh, one thing, instead of all this he-said he-said hooey, I'm jottin' down our initials by what we said, so you can get the whole picture as it happened. This is the last "I said", here, so I said:

"So, when you were in the hospital, and recovering at home, betcha told everyone about what happened."

RICKY - "Yeah."

E "I can hear it now - 'see? I told you this was a dangerous job - I knew you were gonna get in trouble - you have got to leave the police department and get a job in an office'..."

M "...settle down...."

E "....meet a nice girl...."

M "...do the 9 to 5 thing, scramble to make that bottom line and maybe you won't get an ulcer by the time you get laid off..."

RICKY - "Hey, this is my cousin's insurance company - I'm not gonna get laid off."

M "Oh yeah? What about profits? What happens when they go down? You sell this and that, but a customer might find a better deal somewhere else."

E "This great cousin of yours is sweatin' it out - lots of closed-door meetings, lookin' worried all the while, but he sees ya walkin' in and suddenly it's , 'Hi, Ricky, how ya doin'!' You say 'ya look a little down - you all right?' 'Aw, yeah, couldn't be better - heh-heh- couldn't be better...' and guess who's got a bottle of booze in his bottom drawer then he gets the picture he's gotta cut the crap with ya..."

M "...as he sits ya down in his office, wipin' the sweat off his forehead and sayin' this is the end of the line, kid..."

E "...and ya collect 5 minutes of severance and stand in the unemployment line and pound the pavement - with a bullet in your leg."

M "Lookin' for all the world like a little professional with a briefcase, the resume, the I'm Gonna Get That Job Today attitude - with a bullet in your leg."

E "You may get two, maybe three interviews - get asked if ya got any illnesses, accidents, anything of that nature..."

M "And you say no..."

E "But then ya get a little irritation down there, maybe your skin breaks out.."

M "...you get a cramp as it shifts inside you..."

E "Hey, there, what's the matter - you okay? What's wrong with your foot?"

M "Ah, it's nothin' - got a bullet in my leg, that's all."

E "(GASP) Holy Workmen's comp - ya think he's gonna pin that on us, make a few extra bucks?"

Finally Ricky cracks wide open - knew he would. Me-n-Mike look at each other and wink "Yep - we're gettin' 'im"

"What's all this about? Where're ya getting all of this?"

EDDIE - I take a chair, turn it around, sit on it backwards, I put my hand on his shoulder and peer eye to eye.

"What we're doin' is the same thing your folks are probably doin' with you. In the outside world, a young kid like you hobbles around on one of his bad days, people always askin' about what's wrong and all, and ya gotta keep explaining it to 'em. A couple of yuppies might go on about 'hey, check it out - he got shot! Can we see it?' But you won't get any of that here. We all know what happened. We've all been through it. You're a member of the family here. We're your brothers."

Mike bends down to his ear and says right into it, "and brothers are thicker than cousins and yuppies."

"You - you guys have been through this? You all got hit on the Job?"

"You bet. Me-n-Eddie got popped twice in the ribs the first real case we worked together. You think he quit?"

"Naw, no way I couldn't wait to get back out there!"

"You think I quit? I'm still standin' here with a porkpie hat and a trench coat, always at the ready - my head spinnin' about clues, light bulbs goin' off, me-n-the kid leapin' into action."

"I - I was also tortured with darts and chained to a wall..."

"Us too"

"I got smacked around a lot - tied up..."

"Haven't we all!"

"But you guys are real strong - nothing gets to you - you were born for this sort of thing. I was screaming and crying and trying to break loose when they were throwing those things at me, and laughing and carrying on like that. I wasn't very strong about it - I couldn't take it!"

"And we could, huh?"

"We don't like the things that happen to us out there. We rather they didn't, but it's all par for the course."

"And we all get hurt - and we all feel it - how many soldiers in war get hurt and captured, beaten, shot, and re-enlist as soon as they're okay..."

"How may cops get clipped - run to the repair shop and are back on the beat the minute they're okay?"

"It's their life, Ricky. It's in their blood. They have that same love for the public, the wanting to protect them, to serve them, to be there for others the way they'd want others to be there for them, just like Sweeney was on the phone when you called about your pop."

"Sweeney thought a lot of you - Jack Burke does, too. When he heard you were free, he couldn't wait to see ya, but ya didn't go visit him."

"It didn't seem like a good idea - I wanted to"

"Then why didn't ya? Man, you missed out on the best bonding experience ever. There you are, two guys - each with hearts of gold - - and bullets in your legs."

"Every time you walk on it, put your shoes on it, press the brake and the gas pedals with it, you'll know it. That bullet will always represent what you did for the Job and the life you love the most."

"Like the holes in Christ's hands, feet and side."

EDDIE - Ricky put his head down, stared right at the ground, then started nodding -

"Yeah...yeah...it's true - my family did talk me into leaving. It wasn't my idea. I didn't wanna quit. I even told 'em I wasn't always out on the beat like that, that I was just in training that day, that I'd be on the phone, and all...But I do wanna stay. It's a great buncha guys in the communication center. I know it looked like I was just runnin' away when they were kidnappin' me, but I was really runnin' for the squad car radio, hopin' I could call for back-up, but I was shot before I could get there."

"It's all on the video, kid."

"I had a great time ridin' around that day. Officer Burke was pretty cool."

"He still is, kiddo. He misses ya - he wants to see ya."

"I'll go after my shift. I'll go visit him - I will. Can I have my letter back?"

"Thought you'd never ask."

The Chief gives him the letter back and he tears it up.

"So, whatcha gonna tell your family?"

He looked at all three of us and said, "I'm gonna stay with my brothers."

MIKE - Ricky had a bittersweet reunion with Jack Burke, tellin' him all about the bullet they had to keep in his leg - they had that in common. They bonded over bullets.

Sadly, though, Officer Burke died of his wounds. As he and Ricky were talkin', he started to flatline. Ricky got the doctors in there as fast as they could run, but it was too late. They couldn't save him. Ricky watched him die. The funeral was three days later. Ricky was in full dress uniform, as was everybody, includin' us. He was buried next to Officer Sweeney - the sidekick who never left his hero. Ricky was also one of the pallbearers - in fact, he was one of the guys in front, pickin' up the casket and walkin' to the burial plot - with a bullet in his leg.

CHAPTER SEVENTY NINE - The Case of the Kidnapped Cop

2006-10-02T19:50:00.000-07:00

ON AN ORDINARY DAY, SOMETHING NOT SO ORDINARY IS ABOUT TO HAPPEN. POLICE OFFICER JACK BURKE IS ON PATROL, ONLY HIS PARTNER IS A CIVILIAN RIDE-ALONG. HE'S RICKY ALVAREZ, A NEW 9-11 DISPATCHER IN TRAINING AND OFFICER BURKE IS SHOWING HIM THE ROPES, TAKING HIM ON PATROL WITH HIM. RICKY COULDN'T BE MORE EXCITED.

OFFICER BURKE IS ABOUT 6'3, SQUARE-JAWED, BROAD-SHOULDERED, A DEEP BOOMING SLIGHTLY GRAVELLY IRISH VOICE, SQUINTED STEEL-PIERCING EYES. HIS UNIFORM SHIRT BETRAYS A PAIR OF TONED, MUSCULAR HAIRY ARMS WHICH BEAR SOME "MEDALS OF HONOR" AS IT WERE.

"Yeah, I seen some stuff out there - gets pretty rough - people don't realize bein' a cop ain't a glamorous job. It's got nothin' but rewards, though. No matter what happens to me out there, I go home at the end of my watch knowin' I was doin' somethin' real special out here."

JUST SAYING THE JOB ISN'T GLAMOROUS MADE IT SEEM ALL THE MORE SO IN RICKY'S EYES. HE'S 5'10, SLIGHTLY CHUBBY BUILD, ROUND-SHAPED FACE, BIG BROWN EYES THAT SEEM TO TAKE IN EVERYTHING AROUND HIM.

"In case yer wonderin', we don't do this with all the trainees, but I think ya got somethin' about ya - I've been hearin' about ya, you really love this line of work, dontcha."

"Gosh, I sure do. It was the best day of my life when I heard I got the job. All I ever wanted to do was to help people. I may not be a cop or a fireman or anything like that, but I'm the first guy they talk to when they call in an emergency, and if I can just be that friendly, reassuring voice that tells 'em it's gonna be okay. We had to call 911 a lot with my dad bein' sick - he had a stroke and I called it in and I was all upset and stuff, and the guy on the other end of the phone kept talkin' to me, tryin' to settle me down - heck, he stayed on the phone with me the whole time til the paramedics came to the house. I never forgot him. He even came to my dad's funeral. Sure was nice of him."

AS RICKY RELATES THE STORY, BURKE SENSES SOMETHING FAMILIAR.

"Ricky, how long ago was this?"

"Five and a half years ago - but it seems like yesterday - why?"

A LOOK OF SADNESS CROSSES BURKE'S EYES, THEN HE SMILED A BITTERSWEET SMILE, AS IF REMEMBERING SOMEONE.

"The dispatcher, he was a guy named Sweeney, right?"

"Yeah! How'd ya know?"

"My best friend. He told me about the whole thing. He had a leg injury due to a car crash and was given desk duty, so he was a dispatcher while he was healin'. Some time after that, he was well enough to go back on the beat. He was shot to death three days later."

RICKY'S EYES AND MOUTH OPENED WIDE. HE TOOK A BREATH, SQUINTED HIS EYES, GRIMACED, EXHALED, AND SHOOK HIS HEAD. "No way."

"That's what I said at first. Right in front of me, too. We pulled someone over, just barely closed the squad car doors behind us and took a couple of steps, then I saw his chest get popped 6 times. I took cover, whipped out my piece and started firin', I got shot in the ankles, but I just kept pumpin' it into this thug. I finally blasted him right between the eyes. I wanted to run over and beat the livin' crap outta him, nobody wipes out a buddy of mine without payin' for it - but I thought better of it - my nailin' him was enough. When I was at the hospital, they saw that it was too risky to take the bullets out, that it could mean some real nerve damage if they did, so I still got the slugs in my ankles. When I walk on them, when I look down on them, changin' shoes, that kinda thing, I think of him."

"Wow - you still have bullets in your feet - don't they hurt?"

"Nah, not at all - in fact I'm glad I got 'em - I took 'em for Sweeney."

THEN SUDDENLY A CAR CAME UP BEHIND THEM, BEEPING THEIR HORNS, TAPPING THE SQUAD CAR BUMPER, THEN THEY WHIZZED PAST, SPEEDING DOWN THE ROAD. BURKE PUT ON THE MARS LIGHTS AND SIRENS

"Hang on, kid - we're gonna have some real fun now!"

HE GAVE CHASE - STAYING ON THE TAIL OF THE OFFENDING CAR THE WHOLE TIME, NEVER LETTING UP

"Fuckin' joy riders!"

BURKE PUTS ON THE P.A. AND ORDERS THE CAR TO PULL OVER AND STOP BUT THEY IGNORE HIM AND KEEP SPEEDING. THIS GOES ON FOR 5 OR 6 MILES AT LEAST. BURKE'S HAD ENOUGH BY NOW.

"Get your asses on that shoulder now!"

HE REACHES FOR HIS SERVICE WEAPON, TURNS TO RICKY AND SAYS, CHUCKLING, "Watch my smoke, boy!" AND SHOOTS OUT THE BACK WINDOW AND A SIDE MIRROR. THE CAR LOSES CONTROL, IT SWERVES, THEN FINALLY PULLS OVER.

"Got 'em!"

RICKY SMILES, "Ya sure did!"

BUT IT'S THEY WHO HAVE BURKE AND RICKY, FOR AT THIS MOMENT, THE OCCUPANTS RUN OUT AND ARE WEILDING AK-47 RIFLES, ASSUME COMBAT POSITIONS AND THE RINGLEADER RUNS OVER AND SMASHES THE WINDSHIELD WITH THE BUTT OF HIS RIFLE, PISTOL-WHIPS RICKY IN THE TEMPLE, AND AIMS HIS WEAPON RIGHT AT RICKY'S FOREHEAD.

"You get the fuck out now - hands up - hands up - hands up!"

ANOTHER RIFLE IS ALSO PRESSING AGAINST BURKE'S HEAD

"Face it, piggly-winks, you're out-gunned. You've lost this one!"

"GRAB HIS GUN!"

BURKE'S SERVICE WEAPON IS TAKEN AND HE STANDS WITH HIS HANDS IN THE AIR AS IS RICKY. THE BOY BREATHES HEAVILY, HIS HEART PALPITATES AND PANIC PAINTS HIS FACE AS HE LOOKS OVER AT BURKE WHO BETRAYS NO EMOTION - MAYBE HE'S BEEN THROUGH THIS SORT OF THING BEFORE. HE LOOKS DOWN THE BARREL OF HIS OWN SERVICE WEAPON.

"All right, you, big bad cop - ya wanna bust somebody? Cuff the kid."

BURKE SNARLS AT HIS CAPTOR, "no fucking way."

"All right, we'll do it ourselves, but you're not gonna like it."

THE KIDNAPPER AIMS AND SHOOTS BURKE IN HIS LEFT UPPER CHEST. BURKE GRIMACES AND GRABS HIS WOUND AND SCREAMS AS HE'S GRAZED IN THE HEAD AS HE GOES DOWN!

RICKY, SEEING A CHANCE FOR ESCAPE, THROWS HIS HANDS DOWN AND STARTS TO MAKE A BREAK FOR IT, BUT IS SHOT IN THE ARM AND LEG AND GOES DOWN! THEN HE'S HANDCUFFED, DRAGGED TO THE CAR AND TOSSED INTO THE TRUNK!

MIKE - So where do we come into this? About here should be good. We were called down to headquarters. The Chief of Police filled us in.

"Both of shot up, eh? How badly were they hurt?"

"Burke took one in the chest and his skull was grazed, but he was still conscious when they found him. The boy only suffered wounds to his limbs, but I worry about him most of all. He wasn't even a sworn officer, he was a civilian."

"Was?"

"Uh, sorry, Detective, we shouldn't presume his passing, but he was taken hostage after he was sent down."

Eddie was pacing back and forth, frustrated, "were there no witnesses? Didn't anybody see anything at all?"

"My boy, we have the best witness there is. Videotape from the squad car's dash-cam, which I will show you. Detective Batz, I know you've seen a lot over the years, as tragic as some sights may be, I know you have a pretty thick skin about these things, but I am concerned about you, Detective Robinson. After all, you are at a very young age, and you have a very soft spot in your heart for all police officers, and this is very graphic footage."

MIKE - I put my hands on Eddie's shoulders. "You sure ya wanna see this?"

"Not a problem, Boss-man. Saving Ricky's life and catching these crumbs are all that matters."

MIKE - "Good man. All right, Chief, lay it on us."

EDDIE - The video starts with the chase as the dash-cam comes on as soon as the officer turns on the lights and sirens. We see Officer Burke try to stop the car by shooting out the rear window, then the car pulls over. I see the ugliness unfold in front of my eyes. The horrible sound of gunfire, the sight of the officer falling in pain. I could almost feel the bullets hit them both, having been shot before. Ricky gets shot next. I see some skin tissue and blood fly out of his arm as he's hit and goes down. He falls out of camera range, but I can hear the bullet he took in his leg, then I see him tossed in the trunk. The bad guys drive away and Officer Burke is shown struggling to stand up and he clutches his head. It leaves me cold. I ball my hands up into fists and put my arms up to my chest as I shake.

MEANWHILE BACK AT THE POINT OF CAPTIVITY - The gang of thugs drags poor Ricky into their hideout. Their kingpin looks him over.

"Where'd you get this one? He's not in a uniform!"

"He was sitting next to the cop in the squad car - we figured he might be undercover."

RICKY MOANS, "Please - I don't know what you want with me - I'm a Civilian Emergency Dispatcher - I was only being taken as a ride-along to..."

HE'S PUNCHED IN THE STOMACH

"Enough outta you!"

SEEING HIS BLEEDING ARM AND LEG, THE BOSS SNAPS, "Why was he shot? There wasn't supposed to be any shooting!"

"He tried to get away. We tried to make the other cop handcuff him, but he refused so we had to pop him, then this mutt tried to make a break for it, so we had to clip his wings."

"Well, I guess the damage is done, nothing we can do about it now - but take him down to the infirmary and fix up his wounds. Just because he's being used as a pawn doesn't mean he has to bleed to death."

"Does this mean you're gonna let me go?"

"Wish I could, but I can't. If we're gonna bring the PD down to its knees, we gotta snatch every single one of 'em. A kid like you shouldn't have gotten involved in this. I have no interest in civilians, but you're here now, anyway, so I guess we gotta make do. Guess you were just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Take him away - get him fixed up."

SEVERAL HOURS GO BY AS THE BULLET IS SUCCESSFULLY REMOVED FROM RICKY'S ARM, BUT THE SLUG IN HIS LEG IS ANOTHER STORY - IT'S IN A VERY PRECARIOUS SPOT - - REMOVAL COULD SEVER A NERVE AND RICKY COULD NEVER WALK AGAIN. HE WAKES UP FROM THE ANESTHESIA AND THE RINGLEADER BREAKS THE NEWS TO HIM.

"Where am I? What happened?"

"You have been taken hostage and as you tried to escape, one of my men shot you, but your wounds have been treated. The bullet from your arm has been removed, but we had no choice but to leave the other bullet in your leg. There would've been irreparable nerve damage if we tried to extract it."

"But...why? Why did you kidnap me? What do you want?"

"That's not important for now. Just do as we say and you won't suffer any further injury."

RICKY SITS UP, RUBBING HIS ARM, "Gosh...still hurts."

"Yes...it's going to for a while. But don't worry, you'll have some company real soon. Guys, next plan of action. Boy Wonder here needs a roommate. You two stay here and baby-sit the kid, you guys - let's get rollin' - we got some more to scoop up. We're gonna bring this pig-pen to its knees yet.

MEANWHILE BACK AT P.D. H.Q., AS MIKE AND EDDIE ARE MULLING OVER WHAT COULD HAVE PROMPTED SUCH AN ATTACK. THE CHIEF TAKES THE SIMPLE APPROACH

"The thugs probably had something to hide or else they wouldn't have attacked the officer and the civilian as violently as they had."

"Oh, it's much more than that. It seems as if the bad guys acted all too swiftly."

"With emphasis on ACTED."

"Correct! I have a feeling they planned this whole thing. Too bad the dash cam wasn't activated until Burke was in pursuit."

EDDIE - Suddenly a thought came to me. I snap my fingers and point at Mike, "THAT'S IT! STREET CAM!"

"Of course, why didn't I think of that? Chief - on Burke's beat, do you have police cams in the area?"

"Why, yes of course, but they only take still shots."

"Every 5 seconds."

"Well, true, but..."

"That's all we'll need. Give us the footage, we'll run it through a video editor and somehow animate the footage. It may be a bit bumpy, but we'll get the whole story."

THE CHIEF PLACES A CALL TO THE PHOTO LAB.

"Hello, yes...I have Detectives Batz and Robinson here - they would like the street camera footage of Officer Burke's patrol beat between the times of...."

"The kidnapping was recorded at 1:30 - let's get the footage from about 1:00 on..."

"Yes, give them the photos snapped from 1:00 this afternoon."

"We'll put all this footage together..."

"...and then we NAIL 'em! Holy open-n-shutter - let's GO!"

MIKE - My God, it felt like we were going through all those photos for days, but it was only a couple of hours, but still, it was more time that Ricky Alvarez was missing and in the hands of merciless miscreants - God only knew what they were doing to him.

EDDIE - Just what I thought it was - a total set-up. We can see now that the bad guys were really tailing Officer Burke - the way they drove up on him and slammed into him, baiting him to gice chase just so they could perpetrate their putrid plot. It really left us cold.

"Gosh, Mike. I get this awful feeling there may be more to come with this."

"I'm afraid you're right, but we do have a lead. At least the cops'll have one to go on - know what to look out for. This may not be the holy open and shutter we thought it'd be, but we are gonna get these guys - or our names aren't Batz & Robinson."

RICKY'S HANDS ARE CHAINED TO A PILLAR - HIS ARMS OUTSTRETCHED - HIS LEGS ARE SHACKLED - SPREAD EAGLE, OF COURSE.

"This sucks - we're not out on the next one - is this all we're good for, just keepin' an eye out on this one?"

"Yeah, I know what ya mean. I'd much rather be out on patrol than stuck back here doin' some stupid desk job."

THE HENCHMEN LAUGH AMONG THEMSELVES, "My God, we sound like a couple of cops."

"Who knows - maybe after we wipe all of 'em out, we can take over. I wouldn't mind struttin' my stuff in one of them uniforms."

"Yeah, they do look pretty hot."

"Hey, I just got an idea. Why don't we turn lemons into lemonade."

"I don't getcha."

LOOKING UP AT RICKY, THEN LOOKING BACK, HENCHMAN 1 SAYS, "Why don't we make our own fun here - a friendly little game of - DARTS, huh?"

"Don't tempt me - besides, the boss says not to hurt this kid anymore than we did."

"Nah, it's just gonna sting a little - we'll yank 'em back out."

"Sure, why not - no one's gonna know - besides, the kid's not gonna say anything. Who's he got to say it to?"

"Right!"

THEY APPROACH RICKY WITH BIG SMILES ON THEIR FACES.

"What're you guys up to?"

"Oh, nothing really - we're just gonna play a little pub game. A game of skill."

"Just a little game of darts, to pass the time."

EACH OF THEM TAKES 4 OF THE DEADLY MISSILES.

"Been thinkin' of improvin' my game - it's kinda quiet here, so now's a good time as any."

RICKY STARTS TO STRUGGLE - THE HENCHMEN EACH TAKE ONE DART AND AIM IT.

"No! You're never gonna get away with this!"

"Oh, really!"

"Hey, what's the point spread?"

"Chest 50 points - arms and legs 25 each. I'll be a sport - you go first."

"Why, how commendable."

"Nah, think nothin' of it."

"Hey, these ain't drugged, are they?"

"Of course not - that's too easy on him - we want him to feel everything."

"Hey. All right!"

THE FIRST DART IS TOSSED HITTING RICKY RIGHT IN THE CHEST - HE LETS OUT A SCREAM.

"Bull's eye!"

ANOTHER ONE HITS HIS LEFT SHOULDER. HE JERKS HIS HEAD BACK AND FORTH, FEARING HE'LL BE HIT THERE, TOO. HE TRIES IN VAIN TO MOVE HIS HANDS, THEY GET IT, TOO.
FINALLY ALL OF THEM ARE TOSSED, HITTING HIS ARMS AND LEGS. RICKY'S SOBBING BY THIS TIME.

"Not a bad game. Wanna go two outta three?"

"Sure."

WHAT A GHASTLY END - OR IS IT? HOW LONG CAN HE STAND SUCH TORMENT? HOW MANY MORE COPS ARE ON THE HIT LIST? WILL THE ENTIRE POLICE DEPARTMENT BE WIPED OUT? HOW LONG BEFORE OUR HEROES CATCH UP WITH THESE DASTARDLY DEMONS AND BRING THEM TO JUSTICE? THE ANSWERS, MY FRIENDS, ARE BLOWING IN THE WIND - MORE TO COME IN THE NEXT CHAPTER.

CHAPTER SEVENTY-EIGHT - Malicious Minionettes and Blood Brothers

2006-09-28T04:30:00.000-07:00

WHEN WE LEFT OUR HEROES, THEY WERE PARALYZED BY POISON DARTS, ROPED AND TIED, AND HAULED OFF INTO A TORTURE CHAMBER TO FACE THEIR GRISLY END, BUT WE DIDN'T KNOW WHAT THAT WAS - UNTIL NOW

MIKE - Jesus Murphy - imagine that, me-n-Eddie, two real powerful law-enforcin', bad-guy-bustin' hero types, bein' hauled off into some broom closet by two dykes from Europe. We're spread out on what looks like a conveyor belt of sorts - I'm stretched out in a way that I'm facin' away from Eddie, but I smell his hair - I took a little comfort in that - at least if we're on the way out, no matter how painful, he's goin' with me. But it looks like he's goin' first.

EDDIE - After we're laid out on some conveyor belt, our nemesis walks in

"Hello, boys, I thought you'd like to know the dire, painful fate in store for you."

"Sure", Mike grumbles, "when I'm dead and St. Peter asks me how I got up there, I'd like to know what to tell 'im."

"Well I'll be more than happy to fill you in. Your young protege is going to be the first to suffer this fate - perhaps his screams for mercy can be of some indication."

"Not very likely", I say "I wouldn't give a dirt-bag like you the satisfaction."

"Don't speak too soon, Detective, boys such as you are known to eat their words at some point - that is, if you're not all eaten up first."

"Would ya just cut to the chase?"

"You're strapped to a conveyor belt which will send you right into the jaws of a giant paper shredder. The youngster's going to feel everything first - his feet, his legs, his package all slowly sliced and diced. It's going to be a long, hard agonizing demise for the two of you, especially you, Detective Batz, for you're not only going to get it, too, but you'll see your little Boy Friday's blood and guts just go flying all over this room, and there'll be nothing you can do about it."

MIKE - Knowing now that Eddie's gonna get it first, and tryin' to think of a way outta this, I tell him, "Just hang on, Kiddo - one way or another, this'll be over soon"

The dirt-bag yells at one of the minionettes to flip the switch and we're on our way. They take off, too, sayin' "I'd love to stay and chat, but we have several hostile takeovers to plan, and with you two out of the way, it'll be a breeze. You guys have a great day, okay? Okay, tha-a-a-a-a-a-nks."

The switch is flipped and we inch closer and closer to those blades. Suddenly, I feel movement coming back - the drug was wearing off and I say to Eddie, "hey, kiddo, can ya move at all?"

Turns out he was gaining his movement back, too.

"Yeah, Boss-Man, I'm trying to loosen these bonds somehow."

EDDIE - The two of us gave sruggle to these ropes, and as I pushed and pulled, I was kinda lifted off the conveyor for a second, or at least felt like I had been. I noticed something. Sure, our hands and feet were bound, but I don't think we were strapped to this gizmo all the way.

"Hey, Mike, I don't think we're tied all the way to this thing. Maybe we can just roll off - it's not that much of a fall."

"Ya know, I noticed the same thing. Let's roll."

We threw ourselves off and landed on the floor, now able to move, we untied each other, and noticed the extra ropes intended to hold us down on the belt must've come loose. We undid each other's bonds, rubbed our wrists for rope burns and all.

"Gosh, Mike, it sure was a good thing those other ropes came loose."

"If they were ever secured in the first place."

"I don't getcha"

"Let's look underneath. Ah, interesting. I get the feeling they only tried to make it seem as if we were being strapped down. We felt them pull tighter on them, but it seemed to come loose too easily. Look, there's no indentation on these rope ends - that suggests they were purposely not tied together strongly enough to hold us."

"Gosh, Boss, ya think they wanted us to break out?"

"I don't know if they were thinking of us, but maybe they wanted to get caught, that they wanted us to live so we'd go after them, at least the two dames."

"Wow, as if by being apprehended, they'd get away from this guy."

"Exactly."

"But, gosh...something doesn't make sense. When I was shot and kicked, my assailant said she loved torturing big, bad cops, like she's not able to do back home, or something to that effect. Why would they take pleasure in hurting and trying to kill us, and then do something to spare our lives?"

"Ya know, it's tempting to just write this off as a piece of good luck for us, but it doesn't seem that simple. I'm even more puzzled by this than anything else in this case."

"Maybe it's a trick - they could be planning something much more sinister for us."

"I know where you're coming from, but something still tells me this was a cry for help. I know what Miranda did to you, but I was staring right into Natasha's eyes as she shot me and tied me up. She did do all that, but there was something in the way she was looking at me - I always stare right at my opponents when they torment and try to murder me - and in her, I caught a little sadness in her eyes."

"You wanna hear something funny? It would've made a lot more sense if I was all chopped up - after being drugged and kicked and all, but for them to make it easy for us to break out. I'm grateful I wasn't turned into confetti, but now I'm totally baffled."

"That's the problem with these dizzy dames - they never know what the hell they want, but it's always too much - but we gotta get movin' - I wanna find out about this hostile take-over this dirt-bag alluded to before he left us to die."

"Gotcha!"

We leave the torture chamber and make our way slowly and deliberately throughout this cat's hideout. They might've anticipated our escape and had a plan B in store for us - bullets, arrows, gas - you name it - I wouldn't put anything past these people.

EDDIE - We check the whole place and found nothing - their car was gone - they must've gone on to this so-called hostile takeover, whatever it was at the time. Mike was frustrated.

"Well, there's nothing for us here - might as well go back to HQ and mull this over"

At the same time, I was still looking around, there must be some kind of lead, which is typical for the average villain. There's always a slip-up somewhere - either because the bad guys are never as smart as we are, or they wanna get caught. I thank God every day I'm one of the good guys - life's a heck of a lot simpler when you're good. I saw some bits of paper on the guy's desk - I thought I'd take a look at them for the heck of it. What I read didn't make much sense to me. One of his notes read "pig farm - slaughterhouse".

"Hey, Boss-Man, can ya make anything outta this?"

"Let's see here - pig farm slaughterhouse - nope, can't say that I can"

Then it dawns on me - "I got it! We bugged the place when we first came in, right? Maybe he talked about it after he left us!"

"And it could all be on tape!"

He grabs my arms and gives me a jubilant kiss, "GOOD THINKING, Boy! Let's go off and NAIL this bastard!"

We listen to the tapes - first, of course, we heard our initial confrontation followed by our shooting, and then we struck pay dirt!

"Now that those two rug rats in there are out of the way, let's wipe out some more law enforcement meddlers - this is a pretty small town, not much of a police force - if we wipe all of them out, and we will, there'll be nothing to stop us from taking over this dingy little burg."

I gasp in horror and me-n-Mike speed off to the police department, but let the tapes roll. The voice of one of the minionettes appears.

"Why kill them off right away? We could storm the pig farm, hold them hostage and demand a ransom - then slaughter them all anyway even after our demands are met."

"Why, Miranda, you deserve a big fat promotion for this!"

I start shaking, this left me so cold. "Holy horrors, Boss-Man - we've just GOT to smash this scheme."

"Oh, we will, Eddie, we will. Remember we always get our man - no matter what!"

MIKE - We raced to the station but we thought we were too late when we arrived - the desk sergeant wasn't at his desk - we looked around and discovered the guy was bound and gagged, but thankfully otherwise unharmed.

We undo his bonds and check on his well-being.

"Oh, thank goodness you two showed up."

"Did ya see where they went?"

"I'm not sure - they struck me in the back of the head, tied me up and shoved me behind - where you found me."

"Are you all right?"

"Yes, I'm fine, but please go get 'em before they attack anyone else."

"That's why we were put on this Earth, sir. To the main lobby, Eddie!"

We peruse the station, to see what other sort of damage was done in his wake. Suddenly we spot them, about 10 to 20 feet ahead - "oh, holy mother of Christ, don't let me be too late - let me get these mugs", I prayed.

We follow 'em to the squad room and the scumbag was brandishing what looked like a smoke-bomb.

"Good afternoon, mindless minions and maurauders. I am holding a lethal smoke-bomb in my hands and you're all my captives. If our demands are not met, my girls will take a letter."

"Holy crap - not the crossbows again!"

That was when we leapt into action. I punch this maggott right in the back of the head and me-n-Eddie jump all over him like white on rice. Strange thing happened, though - Natasha, I think it was, the nice one, suddenly gave her weapon over and ran to the first cop she spotted and gave herself up, almost begging for her life.

"Good girl", I whispered, as we were trashing her little former ringleader.

EDDIE - Me-n-Mike subdued and cuffed the suspect and I was about to go into my next plan of action, seeing to the well-being of the once-future, now former hostages, when I heard a cop yell, "Detective! Watch Out!"

I spinned around, "huh?", then spotted Miranda about to fire on me again.

"Oh my gosh, no!"

She fired all right - but I was spared another wounding by the brave cop who pushed me out of the way, threw himself into the line of fire and was hit with the arrow instead. He went down screaming. Miranda gloated, "Ha! I didn't get the one I wanted, but you'll do just fine.." and looked out at all the terrified faces and snarled, "as will all of you", then......

BAM - like a quarterback, I tackled her from the side, knocking her to the ground.

"Ha! Big strong bully cop likes to beat up a lady, yes?", she grinned.

"I got news for ya, toots - biology aside, you are no lady", I snarled as I was pounding her weapon on the floor, trying to loosen her grip. I knock it out - it goes flying several feet - she starts to try breaking loose to go get it, but I slap on the cuffs - I was way too fast for her. I went and got the weapon myself, as it should be. I put on my gloves, pick up the weapon and turn it over to the cops, "Exhibit A, guys!"

Imagine that, this all unfolded in the most perfect place possible - it's as if some fetishist were writing all of this in a blog, or something - but, anyway, I run over to the wounded officer, who was shaking and moaning.

"You gotta get this outta me - it's killing me - I can't move a muscle."

"You gotta relax, pal. It's just a temporary drug - it'll wear off before you can say Eddie Robinson."

"How do you know?"

"The two of us were hit with these just a couple of hours ago - it wore off in about 10 minutes."

"No foolin'?"

"Yeah", I said as I gently extracted the arrow from his left arm, "here - gimme your belt - I need to do a torniquet! There now, just relax and just let the effect wear off naturally - it's all you can do, pal."

I tried to make the cop as comfortable as I could, then ran off to see what else needed tending to.

MIKE - I picked up this dirt-bag and Eddie grabbed his remaining minionette and we called the D.A. in to see about Natasha. When he arrived, I said she turned herself in and volunteered to open her yap about her fellow bad-guys and turn state's evidence.

"You guys are gonna go easy on this one, right?"

"It's hard to say - I'll certainly recommend the most lenient sentence, based on the facts. Understand, the charges against her for aiding and abetting assault with deadly weapons and kidnapping does disqualify her from immunity, but the court will take her full cooperation into consideration. Every case varies, so we'll just have to run it up the flagpole."

"Mm-hmm, gotcha! Thanks, mac."

Then the wounded cop comes up to us, holdin' his arm.

"Hey, Detective Robinson - you were right - I just got the use of my legs back."

"Aw, thank God - are ya still in any pain?"

"Nah, just my arm stingin' a little, but it'll be okay. Hey, thanks - you saved my life."

"Are you kiddin' - you saved mine first - I thank you!"

"I was just doin' my job."

"Nah, don't gimme that. A ditch-digger is just doin' his job - what you did was act when you saw a fellow law enforcement officer was in peril and you put your life on the line to save his. You're a gosh-darned hero."

The cop smiled at that and thanked me, then said, "You're such a great guy - just as cool as I heard you were. I'd offer my hand to shake, but I'm afraid it's got blood on it."

I thought fast on my feet, saw a thumbtack and pricked the palm of my hand.

"Put it right there, pal - blood brothers."

EPILOGUE - The trial didn't take very long - the jury didn't even have to deliberate for very long - 25 years for Chris Spencer as well as for his other identity - that of former police candidate Brian Cook. Eddie was very nonplussed to discover this - how could a cop go bad? Poor boy just never seemed to grasp the idea, and still can't, bless his heart. For that is a very rare occurrence, and we all should be shocked and appalled at such a development. The worst thing anyone can do is become complacent, to "get used to it" as people like to scream at others.

Miranda also got 25 years, but Natasha was the one who made out the easiest - a 5-year suspended sentence as well as probation, for turning state's evidence. She has to report to a probation officer every week. I've kept track of her progress and she's doing very well. She's young yet, so these 5 years won't take much out of her life, providing she turns it around and does something good with it. Spencer / Cook was about to be transferred to a maximum security state pen, but before he was, he wanted to talk to me-n-Eddie. I didn't think it was such a hot idea at first, but Eddie thought if we spoke to him privately, we could get down to what was really behind his crimes. I then relented and agreed. A guard accompanied us, although the two of us were strong enough to subdue him if he were to pull any actions untoward.

"Good afternoon, Detectives, I'm glad you could come and see me."

"What's this all about?"

"I just wanted to apologize - I never did get a chance to in court. My attorney advised me to just stay silent, to not even testify on my own behalf. I guess I just wanted you both to know where I was coming from."

Eddie asked, "which was where...?"

"As you heard, I once had aspirations of joining the police force in my hometown. My father owned a business and I was his only son, so he wanted me, of course, to carry on the tradition. I was in my first few weeks as a rookie, and I loved every minute of it. Even if nothing happened on patrol, at least there'd be the comraderie. I really hated having to leave the force, to join the business, but I had to."

"Was your dad sick or something?"

"No, I think I was. He was so against my being a police officer that he threatened to cut me out of his will if I went against him. So, I dropped out and went to work for him. Within a year's time, the business went belly-up and my father embezzled pension funds from all the employees. They were left with nothing - not even receiving a severance package because there was no money left. Dad cut me out, anyway, regardless of what I did, so I was left with absolutely nothing. All I wanted to do was to please my dad - make him proud of me, but no matter what I did, he never would be."

EDDIE - I took all that in, breathed a heavy sigh. His story was a real revelation, but I still wanted to know, "why do you hate law enforcement officers so much? Shooting that security guard, attempting to seize and hold the Police Department hostage, shooting me-n-my partner?"

"It's that old story when you can't have something you want, you deny you ever wanted it when you have to settle for second best. I guess I just went to far to the extreme."

"Aw, that's such bull-crap - that is no excuse to inflict harm on others who've done nothing to you. you could've re-joined the force at any time after you lost your job - you had nothing to lose - you would've been welcomed back with open arms. You're nothing but a greedy, self-important, black-hearted man who only wanted to see other people suffer for your own sick self-interest. You on the police department - don't make me laugh..."

MIKE - Eddie was pretty pissed-off at this guy. I saw him just about to lunge over at him.

"...why, I oughta tear you apart..."

And he did - our suspect jumped back when he saw Eddie pound the table and jump over at him. I grabbed Eddie just in time, I even held him back as he struggled to get out of my grip, but I had to hold on tight, for all of our sakes, especially Eddie's.

"YOU let me go - I wanna have it OUT with this animal!"

"Eddie, Eddie, please settle down - we caught him, he's being punished, he's serving his time, he realize what he did was wrong. Now, please, Eddie - I don't want you to do something you'll regret later."

I turned to our now-convicted nemesis, "As for you, my partner is correct, that really was no excuse for the crimes you committed."

Shaken and somewhat teary-eyed, he said, "but it is true - and I am sorry."

Eddie still wasn't buying it - "You're only sorry 'cuz you got caught. I'm outta here, Mike, I'll meet you outside."

He left and all I really had to say to this guy was, "well - apology accepted, but not necessary. You did endanger the lives of four law enforcement officers, but law and order caught up with you and now you're goin' up the river. So, we're even. Oh, and, when you do get tossed in the clink, I'd keep your ex-cop tale under your hat. Nothin' makes a better prison bitch than a cop-gone-bad."

I saluted him and said, "see ya round."

Then I had Eddie to deal with. I didn't know what I was gonna do - I ver rarely see him this angry and damn-near murderous. I found him outside, leaning up against the car, one arm folded, his face buried in his other hand. I put my hands on his shoulders.

"Hey, kiddo. You're gonna be okay."

He put his hand down and revealed wet, bloodshot eyes. Poor kid was cryin'.

"Gosh, Mike, I don't know what came over me in there."

"Oh, I do. The guy tried to kill your brothers in there, and nothin' gets to you more than when a member of your own family is harmed in any way."

Wiping his tears up, "it's more than that, I think. Maybe I saw someone who had a real choice to stay on the force and I wasn't, and..."

"Eddie - is that a jealous heart I hear inside you?"

"He could've gone back and he didn't, and...."

He put his head on my shoulder and I patted the back of his head, "I gotcha. It brought back all that crap from the Academy. I know. "

"I don't get it - why am I not over it yet?"

"I'm afraid when we suffer a loss, we never quite get over it. It stays with us whether we realize it or not. None of us wants it to, but it does re-surface here and there."

"But I love my life exactly the way it is now, I've got everything I've ever wanted in life."

"Even so, the pain of rejection will always live inside us. The question is what're ya gonna do about it. You've done great with it so far. You got a second chance and you decided you were gonna be the best crimefighter you knew how, and you are. You're amazing. Eddie, look at me."

"I've worked with some people back then that weren't up to much and those memories still get to me, but then, I see a guy like you. You're warm, loving, giving, loyal, ya got a good head on your shoulders, you'll suffer any blows to avenge a crime. You take that inner pain and you make good with it. I'm so proud of you. I love you."

I tenderly wipe the last remaining tears on his face. "Your face is too beautiful to be stained with red eyes and tears, huh? I love your smile. Come on, let's see them pearly whites."

He laughs and that gorgeous smile comes out, he seems happier.

"There, now, that's the boy I fell in love with."

We embrace and kiss - we got a beautiful day ahead of us - just the two of us.

CHAPTER SEVENTY-SEVEN "The Yuppie"

2006-09-19T11:06:00.000-07:00

MIKE - We had this real strange case over the last couple of days - me-n-Eddie, that is. It seems there was a rash of bank robberies - nobody hurt, no hostages or anything, but it was a real strange bunch that left ya wantin' a shower after they were gone.

The cops were called and they called us. We showed up at one of them First National Banks - hell, they got them all over the place. First National Bank of this, that and the other thing. Anyhay, we get over there and two blue-boys are tellin' us what they heard just went down.

"Hey, there, whatcha knowin'?"

The cop was a pretty young rookie - now, I mean he was kinda young, sorta young, not pretty in that sense - although he was real good lookin'. Dark brown hair parted on the left side, face shaved cleaner than a baby's butt. He took down the facts from one of the tellers and was lettin' me in on the gist of ths situation.

"The blonde over at window 10 - she's the one he got. Said he walked up with these two chicks and he handed her a note. Then the two chicks started wavin' their guns around, yellin' at 'em all to get their hands up. Security over there pushed the silent alarm button, but he got caught, I'm afraid he caught a bad piece of lead, too."

"Uh-huh - okay, then, thanks for the info..."

"Boy I wish I was here earlier, they wouldn't have gotten away with anything. Me and my partner woulda nailed them right on the spot."

"Well, there is surveillance video and we got witnesses here and all that. What can ya do - you guys were out on patrol - that's a badge on your chest, not a crystal ball. What counts is you were here to comfort these people, checkin' on their well-bein' and all - but this dirt-bag is gonna be caught, you can make book on that. Anyways - Eddie, I'll go check out what the Teller's tellin', you get the story from security - and we'll let the blue-boys back on the streets."

"Gotcha, Boss-Man!"

EDDIE - I was to interview the Security Guard who was leanin' up against the wall, grimacin', holdin' his hand.

"Hey, pal, Eddie Robinson here."

"Oh, yeah, how are ya? I'd shake your hand, but I got a bullet in it."

"So I see - Paramedics should be on the way."

"Oh, God I hope so - man, this thing's burnin' up in me. Whole thing just happened about 10 minutes ago. We just opened up, and this guy walks in with these two girls, all dressed to the nines - I'm thinkin' 'holy Tony Orlando and Dawn', ya know!"

"Oh, it was a Mexican guy and two black chicks?"

"Well, no, but it was a guy with two babes walkin' in, and I couldn't think of anyone else to compare 'em to."

"Describe them"

"The guy was wearin' a three-piece pinstripe suit, had slicked-back hair, and the two chicks had these nice lookin' dress suits, I guess ya call them. Anyways, I'm scopin' out the threads 'cuz I'd like to get a suit like that, but I don't know - on my salary that is, but I'm lookin' and I see him hand the teller a note. She gets a little nervous and starts emptyin' out her cash drawer, then the two chicks take out these guns. I figure I gotta do somethin', so I was watchin' them - hopin' they wouldn't see me press the silent alarm over there. I kinda moved a little slow, ya know, sidesteppin'. I'd press the button, then take out my piece, but just before I let go of the button, the chick makes me and I get kinda nervous and then BAM! Right in the hand. She barks at me to put my hands up, blood runnin' down my arm. I'm like 'please, I'm bleedin' and she cocks the gun again and aims right at my chest. Then the guy yells out they gotta get goin', so they take off - that's when the cops came, and I guess they called you guys. Man, I hope my hand's okay - the short-term disability doesn't pay out much - I can't afford to be off the job very long."

I try to comfort the guy, sayin' that if this place is worth its salt, they'll make note of his bravery, and takin' one for the team.

"I can't get over it - how's a guy who can get these really great threads out robbin' banks?"

"Well", I chuckle, "if he's wearin' those kinda threads, he must be a heck of a bank robber, but not for long - as long as me and my Boss-Man are on the case - we'll put this guy outta business toot sweet."

The guard felt another stinging jab, "aw, holy carpal tunnel - I gotta get this outta me."

That's when the paramedics came in and treated him. I give 'im my card, sayin' if he remembers anything else, to just give us a call. Mike comes up to us, sayin' he's gonna get the surveillance tapes so we can look 'em over. I salute the guard, tellin' him "good goin'" and we're off, but not before Mike stops in the middle of the lobby to put the crowd at ease.

MIKE - Aw, Jesus Murphy, these people were all shook up, but we got what we need so far to start this investigation off and I just stop to tell 'em this:

"All right, folks, we got the situation under control, based on what witnesses tell us, we got the tapes, so just relax and go about your business - Batz & Robinson always get their man. Let's go, Eddie."

"Roger" and we were off.

"Excuse me - Detectives?"

I turn and quickly doff my hat and Eddie puts his hands behind his back and nods.

"Ma'am?"

"I don't mean to trouble you, but I've just finally remembered the robber's license plate number."

"Good JOB, lady."

"I wrote it down this time so I don't forget it again. It was a nice looking car, too, I was admiring it - he was parking when I was just a few doors from here. Funny, it's strange how I forgot a plate this easy to memorize. I kept trying to remember if it was "I'm a god" or "I am God" - silly me, transposing the m and a like that."

Eddie bristles as his fist hits his hand, "Gosh! Either a total narcissist or a blasphemer! Oh, you were right, Boss-Man, this guy sounds like a total loose cannon!"

"Did you get the make of the car at least!"

"Oh, who on earth could miss a Mini!"

Eddie says, "A mini what?"

"That's an English make of automobile. My parents were from the United Kingdom, you see, and while I don't have the accent, I'm very familiar with all things English."

"Yes, ma'am"

"Anyway, he was very nattily dressed with these two ladies at his side. At first I thought he was being a very naughty boy."

"He certainly was, ma'am - disrupting business, impeding the well-being of customers and staff, wounding a security guard."

She giggles, "oh, I meant being naughty with those two ladies. If you wish to call them that, certainly."

She then leans over and winks, " 'nuff said".

I doff my hat once more, "yes, ma'am - quite enough said. But, thank you for your information. You've been an invaluable help today. So, Eddie - looks like we got some tapes to watch and some plates to trace - ready to bust another one?"

"Yes SIR, Boss-Man!" He starts to run for the door when he forgets himself, and stops to tip his baseball cap to the lady, "oh...ma'am".

I hear the lady say to no one in particular, "oh, isn't that sweet? Father and son detectives."

Eddie hears it too and laughs when we're out of ear-shot. "Well, SUIT-DADDY probably."

Laughingly, I go into my Robert Young, "You did a fine job this morning, SON! A fine job indeed. I'm very proud of you!"

"Gosh - you think mom's got some milk and cookies waiting for us?"

"We put this dirt-bag away and you got somethin' a whole lot sweeter comin' to ya!"

Eddie grins and purrs suggestively, "oooh, yeah - how's about a little appetizer to tide me over."

"We-e-e-ell, okay - but only one - we don't wanna spoil your appetite."

"Daddy, I'm a growin' boy - I need all the nourishment I can get."

I look down at his tight blue-jeaned package. Then his wide leather belt with two rows of buckle loops which ropes around his shiny, baby-blue polo shirt, lookin' and smellin' like it just popped off the rack and onto my boy's six-pack abs. I put my hands on his upper arms and held him while we kissed - gently, softly, but passionately.

EDDIE - When my lips are on Mike's, I just feel like all the love in the world is holding me in its arms. Nothing feels sweeter, warmer, safer or more beautiful. I love the feel of his teeth as they gently nibble at my lower lip. I do the same for him. I'd do anything for him.

MIKE - I move one of my hands up to the back of his head, slowly stroking his shiny, smooth, silky hair. "Oh, God, your hair smells so beautiful - it looks so beautiful, just like the rest of ya."

EDDIE - We finish kissing, then we gaze into each other's eyes: mine - all wide and innocent and eager to learn; his - all knowing, all loving, all soothing. He smiles at me, "come on, Kiddo, we got a bad-guy to bust."

"Let's get 'em!"

Meanwhile, back at HQ - me-n-Eddie are lookin' over the surveillance tapes and we took both license plate numbers - that dizzy Dingle dame back at the S & L couldn't remember which was which, so we did both. Eddie gets on the horn to the cops and gives a more accurate description of the perp, based on the tapes, tells 'em that this guy may not yet be through for the day, that it might be a good idea to keep a squad car in the parking lot of every bank in the area. In the meantime, we got this guy's name, Chris Spencer, and his address, so we're gonna stake out his place at the same time.

"Chris Spencer, eh?", chortles Eddie, "typical yuppie name if I ever heard one. I wonder if they change their name when they get these jobs, just like actors, ya know?"

A flash of lightning just went out over my head, "Of course - bein' a bad guy, he must go around with different aliases. Good thinking, Eddie!"

Eddie just smiled and said, "awwww".

And we check the VIN on his car as well as his social security number, just to be sure, and sure enough a whole list full of names. I won't go into all that here, for the moment, I figured it'd be more fun for you all to hear his whole story as we confront him with it later on. Speaking of confrontation, it's "TO THE STAKE OUT!"

- - - - - - - -

We get to this guy's house - a nice-enough lookin' place, I'd guess, but I'm not here from Better Homes and Gardens, folks -I'm here to toss this maggott in the clink for at least 5 to 10. Anyway, Eddie starts snappin' pics of the terrorizing trio as they exit their car and go inside, then we skulk around the property, taking some more snaps, through windows and the like. Turns out there was an open window - we crawl through and just go about things real quiet-like.

"You brought the bugs?"

"Sure did, Boss"

We got a set-up in the car wherein anything this dirt-bag says at the point of confrontation will be played right back in his face in a court of law.

Now we got this maggott - me-n-Eddie always make the first move on these things - just like a lotta yuppies ya gotta be aggressive to get what you want. Anyways, we just barge right in - badges in hand. One of the dirt-bag's minionettes is sitting at a Reception Desk (aw, gimme a break), reading a magazine, like they all do, but apparently startled. If she wets herself, I hope they got an immigrant Janitor to clean it up - I ain't steppin' in nothin' I ain't gotta.

"You - Della Street, we wanna see your head honco - toot sweet."

"Oh, I see, do you gentlemen have an appointment?"

Eddie walks over to some inner office door, waving her off, "nah - consider us a couple of walk-ins."

"I'm afraid you can't..."

"Too late, sister, we already did."

EDDIE - We walk in the Yuppie's "office" and he's doing - what else - but playing miniature golf.

"Oh, sorry, there, Spence - I didn't know this was Wednesday."

We startle him and he misses his shot and he panics. "Dear God, NOT the IRS"

Mike folds his arms and chuckles at such a comparison, "Don't you wish - this here is Eddie Robinson and I'm Mike Batz - we're hard-nosed P.I.'s that are gonna put you outta business toot sweet."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

I chime in, wringing my fist with my hand, "you don't have to know a thing - we're the ones that know it all. A series of bank robberies and the surveillance videos have your ugly puss all over them".

"Your wheels have been identified - only 'cuz some Eagle-Eyed dame was admirin' it while you were takin' off from one of your last, uh, meetings, this morning."

"If you come quietly, the system will go kinda easy on you - but I'm not sure how easy, what with breaking and entering, armed robbery resulting in the wounding of a security guard - assault with a deadly weapon, if ya take my meaning."

"All right, all right, I'll come quietly as you say - I still don't know what you're talking about, but I'll come down for questioning, if only to prove my innocence. In the meantime, could you give me 5 minutes?"

Me-n-Mike look at each other and back at him, and he unfolds his arms, lets them hang at his side, even though I still maintain my battle stance and balance myself on my eagle-spread legs as I grin wickedly at them, and he says, "Make it two and a half"

"Done. Miranda - Natasha, please come in and take a letter."

I say to Mike, "take a letter?"

"Boy, some guys just can't let go."

His two minionettes walk in carrying something we're not sure what they were. Then we found out. They're each armed with a crossbow aimed right at us.

Im startled at this and my arms go down. When I'm held at gunpoint, I'm sometimes not sure whether to raise them up, so I just hold them in mid-air, and I say, "HOLY WILLIAM TELL!"

MIKE - I figure out the letter angle.

"Great," I snarl with clenched teeth and my arms folded, "Crossbows shaped like the letter "A". How clever of you."

Each of them stands at one side of their boss.

"Arms at your sides, Detectives, you're my captives now."

"So, which of the two of us fires the opening salvo?"

"We settle this by alphabetical order. You first, Miranda."

EDDIE - Miranda - she's my assailant. I stare right at the barrel of her weapon, my body a wide-open target. She glares at me with evil in her eyes and slowly squeezes the trigger. A small arrow flies out. I hear the click of the trigger, the "whoosh" of the ammo flying right at me, and I catch it in my arm, just under my sleeve - directly in the flesh. "I'M SHOT!" - Gosh, did it sting - I pull it out, I'm in such great pain I can't speak, but I want to say, "why did you do this?", then I quickly sink to the floor.

MIKE - I'm hit in the right shoulder - I somehow manage to pull it out, and I wave it at them, tellin' them they're not gonna get away with this, but the drug takes effect on me, too, I grab my arm and hit the ground, nearly fallin' on top of Eddie. Oh, I'm pissed off, all right, I may be in agony, but that does nothing to my sarcasm, "so, what's your next bright idea for us?"

"You're going to suffer greatly until your last breath. These were drugged enough for paralysis, but not enough for sedation, I'm afraid. I don't let my adversaries off that easily. Girls, tie them up real good before it wears off."

The two minionettes did as they were bade - and they were so bad. Eddie was sort of layin' on his side and one of these bitches walks up with stiletto heels and pointed toes and kicks him right in the stomach, makin' him groan and since his arms were limp, he couldn't even grab it instinctively.

"I just love torturing big bad policeman - we couldn't do in the old country."

"You sick sadistic slut-bag - ya think you're so tough - steppin' on the kid after ya shoot 'im." I'm shaking I'm in so much pain, and my breath is labored, "when we get outta this, you are all gonna get it!"

Then this maggott speaks out, "Sorry, detectives, but your only way out is through death. Miranda, Natasha, come-come, dispose of these super-sleuths properly".

These broads were pretty strong, too, picking us up after our hands and feet were tied and haulin' us off to another room, where only the worst awaited us.

AND WHAT WAS THAT, PRAY-TELL! WHAT SORT OF SICK, SADISTIC SLIPPERY SLOPE HAS BEEN PLANNED FOR OUR HEROES! DREAD IT ALL YOU LIKE, BUT BE SURE TO READ ALL ABOUT IT IN OUR NEXT CHAPTER!

CHAPTER SEVENTY-SIX - "The Odious Obliterator" or "A Killin' in a Kiln"

2006-09-10T12:01:00.000-07:00

WHEN WE LEFT OUR HEROES, THEY WERE BABBOOZLED INTO A NEGOTIATION SESSION WITH BAD-GUY BOB - CASEY, THAT IS. HE'S THE DISGRUNTLED EX-EMPLOYEE OF A PLASTICS COMPANY WHO OVERPOWERED SECURITY AT THE OFFICE AND HELD ALL OF HIS FORMER CO-WORKERS HOSTAGE UNTIL HIS FORMER BOSS, MR. WALLINGFORD, HIRED THE DASHIN' DETECTIVE AND HIS BOY FRIDAY TO NEGOTIATE A SURRENDER AND AN END TO A STAND-OFF. UPON ARRIVAL, THEY WERE PINNED DOWN BY GUNFIRE BEHIND BULLETPROOF SHIELDS AND WERE LURED INSIDE AND SEIZED FROM BEHIND VIA CHLOROFORM TO THE FACE. NOW, BAD-GUY BOB AND HIS HIDEOUS HENCHMAN, ACE, ARE PLOTTING TO CARRY THE DOPED DUO TO THEIR EGREGIOUS END VIA A KILN IN THE BACK.

ACE IS BEGINNING TO HAVE SECOND THOUGHTS ABOUT MIKE AND EDDIE'S LIMBS REMAINING LOOSE.

"Shouldn't we tie them up, just to be sure? What if this stuff wears off and they fight back?"

BOB THINKS FOR A SECOND AND SAYS, "ya know what? Sure - that'll be a good insurance just in case."

"Ya know somethin' else? Wouldn't it be great if they did wake up while they were burnin' up? Oh, imagine the screaming - I can just hear it now."

"Yeah, that would be pretty cool. They'll get the message that no one fucks with Bob Casey."

"Or Ace Henderson."

"Where do you get off includin' yourself in this?"

"Well, I'm helpin' ya kill 'em, ain't I?"

"Yeah, but you're just a helper - I'm the main man here, don't forget. Just like party-boy over there - the dashin' dick only keeps him around 'cuz he's an easy piece of ass."

"Ugh, gross - they're gay?"

"As the 90's."

"Man, that's another good reason we should listen to 'em scream. We gotta wipe this gay shit off the planet. It ain't decent."

SUDDENLY, ACE ALMOST GETS HIS FACE KICKED OFF HIS HEAD, BY A GORGEOUS HUNK OF TWENTY-SOMETHING ED!

"Oh, and you are, I suppose."

MIKE GETS UP AND PUMMELS BAD-GUY BOB WITH A RIGHT HOOK. FROM HERE, SINCE THEY WOKE BACK UP AGAIN, I'LL LET THEM TAKE OVER THE NARRATION.

MIKE - Me-n-Eddie really let these guys have it. Casey was so out of his mind, he didn't know what to say, so he just sputtered.

"What? What the hell? I thought you guys were knocked out cold."

Eddie says, "no, not us - but YOU'RE a different story!"

BAM!

He pummels the henchman and slaps on the hand-cuffs while I get into it with Casey, who somehow kicks me in the face and I go flying back. While regaining my sea-legs, he pulls his gun out and says, "I ain't just whistlin' Dixie, Dashin' Dick-head", then he gets a rag to his face, from Eddie. While Casey was strugglin', he fires off all the shots and I duck and bob and weave like crazy, to avoid gettin' hit. Eddie stands with hands on hips, spread-eagle, growling, "neither am I". He gets cuffed, too. I call the cops to collect these creeps and the henchman says, "I guess I didn't put enough of that stuff on those rags".

Eddie now crosses his arms, then pumps his fist into his hand and points at the henchman, all the while balancing himself on those gorgeous gams, as far apart as he could get 'em. While I get back up, I catch a view of his super tight butt, so I kinda take my time gettin' up, 'cuz I was gettin' it up, if ya take my meanin'.

"Yeah, well, maybe ya did, maybe ya didn't. We never inhaled it. We played possum."

"Ya held your breath?"

"Better than that, dirt-bag, we had nose plugs."

I finally get up and walk over and join in the gloating.

"Yeah, kiddo, that was a good plan on your part."

"Just in case your friend over there might've used gas or something. Ya can't get anything past us. We've been in this business too long - we think of everything."

"Bulletproof shields, nose plugs, and I should also mention...God on our side."

"We never got your name, what is it?"

"Ace Henderson."

"Did you work here with Bob Casey?"

"No, I was just one of his beer-buddies. He told me he got the axe and was pretty pissed off, so we went out partying and, as a joke, I said he oughta go back and start shootin' the place up, like a mailman. I felt pretty bad for him, and all, but I only meant it as a joke - honest."

"If you were only kiddin', why'd ya go along with it when he got serious?"

"Why didn't ya call the cops and warn 'em? Why'd ya help him try to murder us?"

"I'm his best friend, ya know. I mean, I lend him money when he needs it, give him rides and all, I do everything he asks me to, 'cuz I'm his buddy. Just like you two are buddies."

Eddie clutches his fist and says, "there's another difference between you guys and us. See, we do stuff for each other, we look out for each other - it's an equal give and take thing. I came up with the nose plugs, Mike came up with the shields. We're a partnership. Whereas it sounds to me like you let this guy use you - ya didn't mention anything he ever did for you. Does he?"

"No, not really. Guess he got a lotta stuff on his mind, I guess."

"He didn't care whether you went up the river, just as long as ya did what he told ya. You probably don't think very well of yourself if you keep hangin' around jerks like him. Ya married - have kids, stuff like that?"

"I was married, but she took off on me - took the kids, too - sayin' I didn't spend enough time with her...."

...and then it was as if a light bulb was switched on...

"...'cuz I was runnin' around with Bob."

"Looks like you'll be spendin' a lotta time around him when you're both locked up."

"Just a sec, Boss-Man - they know each other, so they might get locked up separately."

"Aw, Bob would never go for that."

"It ain't about Bob, here, Ace. We'll tell the DA everything you told us, maybe if you cooperate, you might still get locked up, but not as long as this guy would. I think this might be your ticket outta this so-called friendship with him."

"He's right, Ace. Bein' locked away from him, ya have a good shot at rehabilitation, get on your own feet, as they say. You could start a new life when you get outta the pokey. You work with us, pal, and we'll work with you."

"Really?"

Eddie nods yes and winks at him, "honest injun. We'll do everything we can to help ya."

[He always drove me wild when he does that - heh heh, I think he knows it, too - I started gettin' a little frisky there]

So then the cops come by and take their pick of the litter - that is, they pick up the litter, and me-n-Eddie are just about to get in the car and drive off, when I spot him lookin' kinda in deep thought.

"Holy apples and oranges"

"I don't getcha - whaddya mean?"

"I mean that guy comparing the two of them to us - where does he get the guts?"

I furrowed my brow and folded my arms and said, "well, I tell ya somethin', he's kinda right with that one. See - he felt a loyalty to his buddy just like you do to me, 'cuz we're buddies, ya know - and he wanted to be there for him, and all that. So it starts off good."

Then I put my arm around his shoulder, "BUT - that's where the similarities end. See, he made a real stupid joke which the other guy took seriously and that's what led to today's proceedings. You, on the other hand, are incapable of that sort of humor. Don't you go worryin' about bein' compared to dirt-bags like them, kiddo. We're the good guys, see? Always remember that. I love you."

I kiss him on the cheek. He puts his head on my shoulder, and I move my hand to caress his hair. I then look up, feel the warmth of the sun on my face and there's a nice, soft balmy breeze. It's a beautiful one, all right.

"Ya know somethin', kid? It's a beautiful day and it's early yet. Whaddya wanna do?"

He grabs both my arms, grins mischievously, and plants a bunch of rapid-fire pecks right on the lips, "what do YOU think?"

CHAPTER SEVENTY-FIVE - The Negotiator

2006-08-22T11:45:00.000-07:00

MIKE - I'll bet you're wondering about that title. Well, guys, lemme tell ya, it's usually a lot more fun trackin' down the bad guys and givin' 'em a good once-over, but it's not very often ya get introduced to them. Such as the case we just wrapped up. It seems a disgruntled ex-employee of some company stormed in, started shootin' off a few rounds, and took all of his ex-co-workers hostage. The day begins when one of the bosses who was lucky enough to escape, comes poundin' on our doors.

EDDIE - Me-n-Mike were in the weight room when we heard our doorbell ring off the hook and the door was really bein' banged on. Turns out it was a CEO of some office who escaped a seizure, and was havin' one at our front door.

MIKE - I let him in and says to him, I says, "Batz here, how can I help you?"

The guy was real shaken and ashen, his mouth was tremblin', he was stutterin' as he handed me his card. The name said Edward Wallingford, CEO of Purile Polyester Plastics. I ushered him into our living room, asked hin to sit down. Eddie offers him a beer or something, and the guy wanted straight scotch. Heh, how do ya like that - 2 in the afternoon and the guy's already beltin' 'em back. I guess ya can't blame him, after nearly gettin' taken prisoner, that is.

"Oh, Detectives, I'm so glad I was able to find you. You would not believe what's happened at the office. We recently let a man go, and he broke in earlier and was heavily armed and shot up the whole office."

Eddie interjects, "was anyone hurt?"

"Not at the time I fled, which was within the past hour, but you never know what he might've done in the meantime."

"So where do we come into the picture?"

"I need someone to talk to him. I understand you two are quite good at interrogations and such. You always get your man, according to what I hear."

"That's right - nothin' much gets past us."

"That's what I'm hoping for."

Eddie asks, "is there any reason you didn't call the police first."

The man pauses, then scoffs, "are you joking? The officers in this town can't even issue a parking ticket to the right vehicle. I had to waste an entire day in traffic court, only to be told it was for another vehicle with a similar license plate. And to top it all off, the lummox didn't even show up for the hearing, so it was all thrown away, including my afternoon."

I see Eddie furrow his brow and tilt his head a little. He rubs his fist with his other hand and looks back and forth between ol' man Wallingford and me. I look up at Eddie with an expression that says, "you sense something wrong?" and Eddie gives me a nod and a double wink. The kid is a total boy wonder - always sniffin' out trouble, and he smells it here. Not sure why, but he senses it. Anyway, I go on talkin' to this guy.

"What's the guy's name?"

Wallingford takes a sip and says, "uh, what?"

"The name of the guy you let go."

"Casey - Bob Casey. He worked in manufacturing."

"What did he do - to get the axe, that is?"

"Oh, his performance was questionable, and he was always late, didn't have a decent attitude or a good work ethic. Those are the things that made me what I am today. I've been working since I was 15. I had to take over as the breadwinner in our house after my father passed away. I went to school during the day, worked very hard all night. It was very difficult, but did I complain? You best believe I did not. I knew what the right thing to do was - and I always did the right thing..."

more glances between me-n-Eddie

"...and I expected all of my employees to follow suit. I've always encouraged them, strongly, to report early and stay late. I always pay a fair wage and I always believe in getting the very best out of all of my underlings, pushing them to the nth degree until they saw the inner ability to produce that they didn't even know they had in themselves. This man, Casey, always wanted a raise, said he had a wife and baby to support. That wasn't my problem - I'm not the one who put a gun to his head and made him do it, and then he comes to me expecting me to solve all of his problems, oh, the very nerve of it."

Eddie was lookin' like he'd had just about enough, "so what about this hostage crisis? Did he give you any demands?"

"Well, for starters, he wants his job back, says he was fired unfairly."

"You said his performance was questionable - what exactly did he do?"

"Oh, he worked the bare minimum, that's what he did. When he was in the middle of something, his supervisor would ask him to drop what he was doing and take on another task, but, no, he insisted on finishing what he started. He weas very insubordinate that way, and, of course, there was the raise thing."

Now, I was thinkin' I'd had just about enough.

"Ya know, Mr, Wallingford, now that we've established the problem here, maybe it's time me-n-my partner go off to the site to negotiate with this guy - ya never know if he might've shot somebody, or what else he may have done."

"Yes, yes, yes, I see - oh, by all means - I left a building full of terrified employees, not to mention the interruption of business, this isn't very productive on his part, you know."

Me-n-Eddie look at each other, then back at old man Wallingford.

"Right - now, you go back home and relax, God knows you've had a pretty trying day so far - we'll take over from here."

"The boss is right - we'll give this guy a good talking to and restore order to your office faster than you can say Eddie Robinson."

"Uh, sorry, detective, but that's JACKIE Robinson."

"Not in this office, Wallingford - that's the boy's name, Eddie Robinson. It's a little joke of his."

"Uh-huh. Yes, well, anyway, gentlemen, see what you can do. The losses could be staggering."

"Yeah, I know what you mean - the loss of any innocent life...."

"No, no , no - the loss of any hard-earned dollar, my boy. Keep me posted on your progress, would you?"

I give him a cold hard stare, "sure...anything you say, there."

Wallingford leaves - and thank God, too.

"Holy Norma Rae, Boss-Man - do ya think he's pullin' something?"

"Meaning is there a hostage crisis at all, and if so, does he seem to not care in the sleatest?"

"The what? Oh, I think you mean the slightest."

He's right - I tend to confuse two words I wanna say and can't make up my mind - the least and the slightest become THE SLEATEST.

Okay, enough from the old English major - we got some lives to save - maybe.

Since me-n-Eddie were both working out at the time of Wallingford's visit, we were both wearing tee-shirts and gym shorts, and were both a little sweaty. Eddie clenched his fist and put it up to his chest and said,

"This guy was actin' a bit too fishy for my liking. How do we know what we're gettin' into?"

I wrapped my right arm around his shoulders, and put my left hand on his left bi-cep, my left arm showin' some muscle as I lifted it up, my tee-shirt sleeve riding up about half an inch. I clenched my teeth as I whispered,

"That's a chance we have to take. Best thing to do is be prepared for anything. Innocent lives are at stake. We uphold the law at any cost with God on our side."

I turned Eddie around to face me and the two of us kissed passionately, we could both feel each other getting a hard-on and we pulled each other as far into each other as we could.

Eddie started to tremble, "oh, gosh, Boss-Man, I love it when you get macho, your virtuosity and righteousness turns me on. I gotta have you."

"You can have me anytime you want, 'cuz I want you, too. I wanna make love to that body that stands at my side when we face our felonious foes. I get hard when you stand by my side and look up at me like I'm your mentor."

"You are my mentor, my teacher, my lover, my rock."

I felt a little pre-cum oozing out of me. I wanted to save it for when we're both naked and intertwined.

"Oh, God, Eddie, let's make love right here and now. I have to have your mouth in mine."

"How about in the shower?"

"Good plan".
----------------------------
We get out to the stand-off site and get out of the car. It was a pretty eerie atmosphere, not a single sound.

"Gosh, Boss-Man, I don't like this. It's too quiet."

"Yes. He could be lying in wait. Better get the riot shields."

"Check"

I also grab the megaphone and try to get Casey's attention. Me-n-Eddie each hold a riot shield, just in case he opens fire on us.

"Bob Casey! I know you're in there! I'm Detective Mike Batz - I wanna talk to ya!"

He appears at a window - he's grossly overweight with disheveled hair, and a scruffy beard, wearing old work clothes, not to mention the gun in his hand. Not aimed at anyone in particular, but he's still holdin'.

"Why don't ya drop the gun and let's talk."

"Who sent ya here? Was it that son-of-a-bitchin' coward that canned me?"

"Guy's name was Wallingford, wasn't it?"

And with that, the gun was raised and aimed, me-n-Eddie whip out the shields toot-sweet.

"DOWN! SHIELDS!"

The bullets fly, hitting our shields with brute force. We crouch down behind them - Eddie's arms extend to hold the shield at, well, arm's length from his body. He does flinch a little every time the shield is hit, I can see it in his face.

"Just hang on, boy, hang on - don't let that shield slip one inch."

"Gotcha boss - but, boy do those bullets pack a whallop!"

I knew he'd have no trouble keeping the shield in place. His arms, besides being downright gorgeous and hot, were rock-solid, could toss a bad-guy across the room and knock him unconscious with a single punch, and could also embrace me and make me forget the troubles of the world around us. Now, they're extended, rigid, bulging, every red-blooded American vein popping out. He's wearing shorts today, too, it is kinda warm outside. The muscles in his legs which support him as he crouches as he supports the shield which leaves him unscathed. He doesn't suffer a single bullet wound - not even a graze. If it wasn't for this mess we're in now, we'd be having the hottest sex imaginable. You just read my description of the boy and imagine for yourself. Hopefully one day all you suit-daddies like me will meet up with a golden boy like the one I got.

EDDIE - Holy pillar of strength - Mike sure is one - not breaking a sweat even as each bullet seems to hit harder and harder with each shot. You should see him - staring straight ahead, not moving a muscle, not flinching one bit - like I did. He even reassured me to hang on. You talk about love. Someone who knows you to have more strength than you realize in yourself. His body is so rock-solid, you'd think he was born bulletproof. I'd love to take him right now if this maniac wasn't firing on us.

MIKE - the shooting stops. Me-n-Eddie look at each other as if to ask "is he done yet?" and just as we're thinking of putting the shields away, we change our minds. Instead, I raise up the megaphone and try to talk to this guy again.

"Casey - this Mexican Stand-off isn't getting us anywhere. I know you don't really wanna hurt us - or any of your hostages..."

POW - a shot is fired, and clips off a piece of my "bull-horn". The shooting resumes, he's re-loaded his weapon.

"Ya wanna bet? I should kill all of ya - my co-workers who probably snitched on me - and you guys for having anything to do with that prick Wallingford."

I could see this guy means business and there's only one way to get at him - if we advance behind the shields and make him realize we're not gonna take this crouched behind plexiglas. Me-n-Eddie agree we gotta go in there. We get closer and closer, ignoring all the ammo blasting all around us. It was then the bad guy finally stops.

"All right - all right! I'll stop - I give up"

EDDIE - We hear him telling all the hostages to get out now - while the gettin's good - before he changes his mind. They all flee.

"The hostages are out now, but I want somethin' in return."

Holy bargaining table - what was it!

"Ya wanna talk to me? Fine - you get in here, then. Drop the shields and come in here with your hands up and your pieces on the ground."

"Boss - I thought we were gonna get him to surrender - instead, we are!"

"For now - it's just a ploy - like a boxer in a ring who lets his opponent get his punches out first - tiring him out, then he really lets him have it."

"I sure hope it works."

"No prob - it always does - we're good guys, remember?"

We go inside. He waves the gun in the direction of two chairs he wants us to sit in, hands always up where he can see 'em. This is smelling more and more like a trap. What is he going to do with us? I'm afraid we're just gonna have to cruise and find out bit by bit.

He opens the chamber on his gun and shows us four bullets - two for each of us.

"Now you decide how this thing is gonna go. You two slugs can avoid taking my slugs if ya do the right thing."

"And what's that?"

"I dunno - you tell me."

"What's this whole thing about, anyway, Casey? Is it revenge against the old man?"

"Yeah, that's exactly it."

"Then why didn't ya shoot him earlier? Why'd ya take the whole office hostage?"

"They all thought they could control me. Bob, do this, Bob, do that. You're doin' it wrong. You're late, you're gettin' wrote up. You - you- you. It was never their fault. I did everything wrong in their eyes. I figured now, the tables are turned."

Eddie interjects - "So you wanna take us hostage and murder us by proxy."

"Huh?"

"Using us to get back at Wallingford, the way he hired us to get to you. You say the outcome depends on us - I'm afraid it depends on you, too, my friend. You could tell us what your demands are and, since we're already between you and the old man, we could help you guys settle your differences. But not here. All of us need to be in the same room, on equal footing. If you cooperate, you may still be facing charges, but they'll be lessened, depending on your willingness to work with us. You're still doin' good. I know you don't really wanna use that gun. You don't have to."

Casey thinks for a second and kinda grins, sayin' "you're right - I don't wanna use this on you, and I ain't gotta."

Me-n-Eddie look at each other and smile. We're relieved. This is gonna be resolved quickly. The worst is over.

WANNA BET? THE WORST HAS JUST BEGUN - FOR AT THE MOMENT MIKE AND EDDIE MOMENTARILY DROP THEIR GUARD, THEY'RE AMBUSHED FROM BEHIND WITH RAGS OF CHLOROFORM. THEY STRUGGLE, OF COURSE.

"HOLY SUCKER PUNCH!"

"HOLD YOUR BREATH BOY! DON'T BREATHE...ANYTHING....IN!"

BUT IT'S TOO LATE - THEY LOOK AT EACH OTHER ONE LAST TIME BEFORE THEY FALL SIDE BY SIDE.

CASEY LOOKS AT THE UNCONSCIOUS PAIR AND SNARLS, "I ain't gonna kill you with this, but I got somethin' else in mind. Good goin', Ace. You know you oughta become one of them knock-out guys at the hospital."

His henchman, Ace, laughs and says, "so, whatcha gonna do with these guys? Ya gonna rope and tie 'em? Ya gonna shoot 'em?"

"Naw, naw, we got past that point. I promised I wouldn't shoot 'em and I meant it. You never seen this, but this place has an oven in the back, baking the plastic things into shape, like a kiln or somethin' they call it. It's big enough to fit these two losers in it at the same time."

Ace laughs some more, "the cooked crimefighters, the grilled gumshoe and the boy fried, eh?"

"Uh, Ace, can we kill 'em first and do the nicknames later? I want these boys baked before the chloroform wears off."

"Oh yeah! Sorry"

"That's cool - I'll grab the suit daddy and you get the kid."

HOLY HORRORS! THE DASHIN' DETECTIVES VICTIMS OF A KILLIN' IN A KILN? AN OVEN OBLITERATION? KEEP READING FOR THE FIERY FINALE IN THE NEXT CHAPTER!

CHAPTER SEVENTY-FOUR - Wretched, Roguish Role-players

2006-07-28T04:12:00.000-07:00

THIS CHAPTER BEGINS WITH OUR HELPLESS HEROES IN PURSUIT OF THE PERPETRATORS AND THEIR KIDNAP VICTIMS - TWO MEN DRESSED LIKE BATMAN AND ROBIN FOR A SUPERHERO CONVENTION. THE VAN CARRYING ALL CONCERNED PARTIES PULLED INTO A SECURED PARKING GARAGE ONLY ACCESSIBLE WITH A KEY CARD WHICH MIKE AND EDDIE DO NOT HAVE. OH, WHAT DO THEY DO NOW?

MEANWHILE, IN A BEDROOM IN ONE OF THE APARTMENTS, THE KIDNAPPERS LOOK ON AS THEY WAIT FOR THEIR VICTIMS TO WAKE UP FROM THE CHLOROFORM, WHICH THEY DO. THE MAN DRESSED LIKE ROBIN WAKES UP FIRST - HANDS AND FEET TIED TO THE BED RAILINGS. HE REALIZES WHAT A PREDICAMENT HE'S IN AND BEGINS STRUGGLING, ONLY TO BE TOLD:

"No good trying to escape, kid. You're here for the duration."

IT'S THE KIDNAPPER DRESSED LIKE RIDDLER

"Listen, you, whoever you are, you're not gonna get away with this."

"Whoever I am? Why, don't you recognize me? I'm the Riddler!"

THE BATMAN DOPPELGANGER ALSO WAKES UP

"Look. Cut the crap, fella. A little fantasy is one thing, but this has gone too far."

"Why who said anything about fantasy? This is your reality - once you don cape and mask, you're catapulted into another stratosphere."

THE ROBIN DOPPELGANGER SAYS,

"What are you going to do with us?"

"My boy, you can be sure my intentions are NOT honorable! SORRY to crib a line from one of my criminal colleagues, but I felt it to be apropo."

THE 'RIDDLER' STARES AT THE ROBIN'S LEGS

"Nice. I notice you're bare-legged - no tights. Always a good thing. I noticed that when I hoisted you over my shoulder, my hand on the back of your thigh. I did NOT want to let go."

HE LIGHTLY STROKES THE LEG UP AND DOWN

"Nice shape, not a hair out of place - not a hair anywhere, actually. Firm. muscular. I'd say you did some pretty good work on these. It's a shame I gotta mess them up!"

'ROBIN' PANICS "Mess them UP? What are ya talking about?"

'RIDDLER' CUTS THE CORD FROM AN OLD LAMP - REMOVING SOME INSULATION, EXPOSING SOME BARE WIRE. HE WEARS HEAVY GLOVES AS HE PLUGS THE CORD IN, AND SLOWLY ADVANCES TO THE 'BOY WONDER', WHO PANICS AND REALLY STARTS TO STRUGGLE.

"Please - I beg you - don't do what I think you're doing!"

"Too late. I'm already doing it. I've got to get you to cooperate somehow."

HE TOUCHES THE BOY'S LEG WITH THE EXPOSED WIRE, MAKING HIM SCREAM AND GYRATE. HE TRIES TO MOVE AWAY, BUT 'RIDDLER' TELLS HIM THAT NO MATTER HOW HE MOVES AROUND, HE CAN MOVE AROUND, TOO, AND ZAP HIM AS MUCH AS HE WISHES.

'BATMAN' THREATENS TO KILL HIM IF HE EVER GETS LOOSE

"Yes, that's right - IF you ever get loose. Loyal henchman - the point and venom, too."

"Gotcha, Boss!"

'RIDDLER'S HENCHMAN THROWS A PUB DART WHICH LANDS RIGHT NEAR THE BATMAN ACTOR'S COLLAR BONE, CAUSING HIM TO SCREAM AND STRUGGLE.

"Well, get the kid, too."

AND THE ROBIN ACTOR IS ALSO DARTED AND REMEMBERING THE TV SERIES, HE MOANS, "Holy D'artagnan", CAUSING THE 'RIDDLER' TO STOP.

"By Jove, I think he's got it!"

"Got what?"

"Looks like we got a couple of playmates."

THE BATMAN ACTOR SAYS, "Playmates?"

----------------------------------------------

MEANWHILE, OUR HEROES ARE STUMPED OVER WHERE TO FIND THE KIDNAP VEHICLE. EDDIE SUGGESTS THEY GO OVER TO THE MANAGEMENT OFFICE AND SEE THEIR RESIDENTS' RECORDS. BUT IT'S CLOSED

MIKE - "Damn. It's closed!"

Then Eddie asks, "what're ya gonna do? Use a credit card to pry the door open?"

I say to him, "Not yet - maybe we can jimmy the lock. Ya got anything in that tool belt of yours?"

"Gotcha, Boss", Eddie says as he looks for something.

I start lookin' for somethin' to jimmy the lock, but for some reason, I look up and notice a way in.

"BOSS! I got it! That transom up there - looks like it's open!"

"By God, you're right, boy! One of us can climb in there and open the door for the other."

"I'm on it, Mike!"

"Not just yet, kiddo. It looks a little narrow. You're muscles are a little too bulky for that, but I think I can squeeze in there. Gimme a boost."

"Roger!"

I clasp my hands together as Mike steps into them and uses me shoulders as a hand-hold. He gets up on my shoulders, but it's still a little high up.

"I got it. I'll hoist ya up there."

I grab ahold of the sides of the door and climb up, pushin' Mike as high as he can get.

"Good goin', Kiddo - I'm in. Wait just a sec."

The Boss-Man gets on the other side and shimmies down, opening up and letting me in.

"Okay, if we can JUST figure out which drawer has the parking garage files, we can see which license plate goes with which unit."

"Got my digi-can, Boss!"

"Good. Bring up the image with the license plate number."

We find the right drawer with the parking garage records on it. We start searchin'. As luck would have it, it's alphabetized. The van is registered to a tenant named Mitch Andrews.

"I GOT IT, BOSS! He's in Unit 2-C at Building A!"

"Great job, kiddo! Let's go kick some bad-guy butt!"

"NOT SO FAST! HANDS UP!"

Me-n-Eddie freeze, reachin' for the sky.

"Holy Johnson Wax! It's a Janitor with a Gun!"

"No, no, no what the hell are ya talkin' about? I'm security. Here's my badge."

Then he says sheepishly, "security and maintenance uniforms kinda look alike. But what do you think you're doin' here?"

I explain our presence.

"I'm Detective Batz - he's Detective Robinson. If you'll let us move our hands, we'll produce OUR badges."

"Not so fast. Tell me where they are - I'll get 'em myself."

This is one sharp cookie.

"I've had this tried on me before. I fell for it once - literally. As soon as their hands were released they clobbered me, took my gun and tied me up in a closet. No thanks to that again."

"I gotcha. They're clipped on our belts on the left side."

MIKE - Security feels his way around, then spots our badges.

"Okay, so you're legit. What's goin' on here?"

"Steve's Comic Emporium was knocked over - all the Batman merchandise was stolen and the owner and a friend of his were shot."

"Yes! And we staked out a Comic Book Convention and two guys dressed like Batman and Robin were kidnapped right in front of our eyes."

"Until we were maced, but we pursued them and managed to snap photos of the kidnap vehicle."

"We followed them here, couldn't get access to the parking garage, so this was the only way we'd find out which unit they're in."

Security thinks it over.

"Ya know - that sounds familiar. Man, I bet it's those two kooks in Building A!"

"What do ya know about them?"

"There's all kinds of complaints about them - always making too much noise - they dress funny, that kinda thing."

I ask if he has a pass-key - maybe we can get a jump on 'em!

EDDIE - We head out to building A. We keep our ears open at every unit we pass, then we start hearing familiar noises - at least familiar to me. Recreations of the Batman series.

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MEANWHILE - INSIDE THE APARTMENT - "Riddler" begins to cackle hysterically, "all this torment is getting me hungry - time to barbecue some Batman!"

"You don't mean the spit, boss?"

"Eggs-actly. Here, keep your piece trained on them."

THE HENCHMAN AIMS HIS GUN AT THE TWO HELPLESS, HAPLESS ACTORS. "BOY WONDER" IS UNTIED FIRST, BUT KEEPS HIS HANDS UP AND IS LIMPING DUE TO HIS LEG INJURY. "BATMAN" IS THEN UNTIED, ALSO ORDERED TO REACH FOR THE SKY. "RIDDLER" TURNS HIS HEAD FOR A NANO-SECOND, THEN "ROBIN" SUCKER-PUNCHES "RIDDLER", KNOCKING HIM TO THE FLOOR. "BATMAN" LUNGES TOWARD THE HENCHMAN, AND AS THEY WRESTLE FOR THE GUN, IT GOES OFF.

MIKE - We hear a ruckus down the hall - must be them. We start running toward the sound, but then we hear what sounds like a gun going off, and a guy screaming, then some more noise. Me-n-Eddie stand outside the door, nod to each other, then break the door down, and we see the guy dressed like Batman holding his ribs.

EDDIE - I was furious. I saw the guy playing Batman clutching his ribs and grimacing, then the guy dressed like Robin had his hands up and one of the bad guys was aiming his gun at him, so we decided to divert their attention.

"DROP THE GUN - DON'T MAKE ANOTHER MOVE!" We kept shouting over and over.

Then the bad guys instantly did as we told them, getting kinda freaked out, begging us to not shoot them 'cuz the actors were only shot with air guns.

"Air guns?", asked Eddie as he ran over to the damaged duo to check their wounds. He noticed a bruise on "Robin's" leg.

"Wow, how'd that happen?"

"This sicko took a cut up lamp cord and stung me with it. How am I supposed to pose as Robin with a messed up leg?"

"I wouldn't worry about that - it's just a superficial mark - it'll heal. Let me check on your friend."

Eddie checked on "Batman" and saw there was no bullet hole in his outfit, or in him, for that matter. He turns to one of the bad guys,

"Hey, how close did ya shoot this guy?"

"About maybe an inch or two - it was only a blast of air, I only wanted him to fall over and scream for a second, I didn't wanna hurt him all the way."

I was getting confused about this whole thing - kidnapping, fake guns, scorching the kid with a lamp cord.

"Would any of you kink-oids mind telling me what the hell this is all about?"

"It's role play"

"'Scuse me?"

"Look, we dress up like the villains and make up new scenarios, getting a couple of guys to dress like the Dynamic Duo. We couldn't find any voluntarily, so we snatched a couple of them."

"well, all righty then - kidnapping, bondage, assault - not to mention being possible suspects in tonight's comic store robbery."

"Not only possible, Mike, but definite."

"Whatcha mean?"

Eddie spots a pile of comic books, still wrapped, with the name of Steve's Comic Emporium on the front of each issue.

"These are the stolen comics."

"Aw, shit - we never had the chance to hide those."

"So now we gotcha for breaking and entering and two counts of assault with a Taser Gun - NOT TO MENTION it's illegal for a civilian to own one in this state. How'd you get your grubby mitts on it in the first place?"

'Riddler' sighs and admits, "I slept with a cop once, and, well, you know...."

All I could do was just snicker and shake my head, "Jesus Murphy".

By now, I'm standing next to "Batman", who's standing next to Eddie, who's standing next to "Robin".

"So...you guys just want a little role play, eh?"

What's peculiar is that both Eddie and "Robin" are clutching their fists at the same time, and Eddie growls, "Oh, let's give it to 'em, Boss. I'm ready for a good-old-fashioned Bat-fight."

Then "Batman" intercedes, touching Eddie's shoulder and looking back and forth between me and him,

"Please let us - if you wouldn't mind. The two of us have been wanting to do this all night."

"Yeah, sure thing, be our guest. Me-n-Eddie will be over there out of range if ya need us."

So the bat-fight begins - I stand with my arms folded, legs spread, and Eddie stands at my right side, fist in hand, held up to his barrel chest, legs spread-eagle. We're enjoying this - here's the play-by-play:

Batman throws the first punch, sending the Riddler reeling and falling over...

"say, kiddo, that Bat-guy is pretty good."

...but his henchman sucker punches Batman from behind, only to be counter-clocked by Robin as he punches him repeatedly...

"and Robin's not that bad, either"

Robin grabs the henchman and throws him across the room, sending him to the nearest wall, at which me-n-Eddie happen to be standing. There's enough room for him to land right between us. We just look down when he crashes.

Eddie observes, "Gosh, that's gotta hurt."

"Ya think?"

Batman subdues the Riddler and Robin shouts, "slap on the bat-cuffs"

"I don't have any on me - they didn't come with the costume."

Eddie interjects, "Here, use ours."

I throw mine to Batman, Eddie throws his to Robin and the bad guys are all locked up and ready to go. I call 911 and get the cops over here in just a few minutes, then the four of us relax after a long night of crimefighting. We sit chatting for a little bit.

"Boy", says Robin, "all I thought we were gonna do was just walk around and pose for pictures all night. I never dreamed we'd actually go through this."

"Ya know something", says Batman, "I got a real kick outta this. It was a lot of fun."

"Maybe we oughta do this all the time."

"Wait, hold up there, guys", says Eddie, "now, this was all just a part of role play. Do you think you'd be able to tackle the real villains out there? Ones that use real guns?"

"Yeah, you don't wanna go out and get yourselves killed out there. You guys are only actors, after all."

"Yeah, I guess you're right - I just got a little carried away."

"Hey", says Eddie, "We never got your real names, or even saw your faces".

They remove their masks and reveal their true identities. Batman is actually Greg Burton and Robin is really Dick Adams.

"Believe it or not, those are our real names."

"Yeah, we laughed a lot about that when we first got together."

"So, did you guys meet through this?"

"Oh, no, we knew each other before. See, we've been together for a couple of years and had a real thing about Batman between us."

"Since we had that in common, we went out and got the suits, then we heard about these conventions and stuff, so we went for it."

"It pays a pretty good buck, but we still have our normal day jobs."

"Hey, Dick, speaking of which, maybe we oughta get back there - we still got some time."

"Holy AWOL< you're right - I hope they don't think we took off early."

"Never you boys mind. We still have our tickets and we'll be glad to go back with you and explain the whole thing."

"Gosh, that'd be swell!"

"Well, what are we waiting for? TO THE BAT-CONVENTION!"

And we were off - the rest of the night was a real blast. The convention organizers understood the whole thing and we were even publicly acknowledged for rescuing Batman and Robin and bringing them back safely.

A job well done.

EDDIE - Holy post-script - Steve and Scott were released from the hospital the next day and we went back to the convention with them. They got away with just a couple of bruises, lucky guys. We wanted to give them back their stolen merchandise and they wanted to see the convention, at least for one day anyway. They even got to meet Dick and Greg.

After everything was all over that night, me-n-Mike went back home, thoroughly trashed - it was a pretty long weekend, but a lot of fun.

"Ya know somethin', Boss? I know we've been through this a million times, but no matter how long we've been at this, it still warms my heart as much as ever to have been able to save the day. I hope I'll always feel this way."

Mike kisses me and says, "that's why I love you with all my heart, but I'm kinda gettin' a warm feelin' somewhere else."

He walks over to the closet and takes our costumes out - a huge smile comes across my face.

"Ya wanna have a little fun? It's our turn now."

"GOSH! YES!"

CHAPTER SEVENTY-THREE - The Case of the Heinous, Hateful Hoodlums

2006-07-23T09:01:00.000-07:00

A BEAUTIFUL SATURDAY AFTERNOON AT A COMIC BOOK STORE - BEAUTIFUL IN THE SENSE THAT IT'S CLOSING TIME AND THE SHOP OWNER, STEVE, AND A BUDDY OF HIS, SCOTT, A REGULAR CUSTOMER, ARE HANGING OUT AND SET TO ATTEND A SUPERHERO CONVENTION THAT EVENING.

"I've never been to one of those - what's it like?"

"Aw, man, it's a blast you're gonna love it - I go every year - you get these guys who dress up like Batman, Superman, and all the rest - that's where I got that bootleg Batman DVD set."

"Oh, yeah, you never did burn me a copy of that, by the way."

"I tried a few times, but my computer wouldn't read the signal for some reason - but you can always come over and watch 'em, any time."

TWO GUYS WITH WOOL HATS AND SUNGLASSES WALK IN SUDDENLY.

"Uh, sorry, but we're closing in a few minutes."

WEAPONS ARE DRAWN:

"You're closing right now! GET YOUR HANDS UP!"

STEVE AND SCOTT REACH FOR THE SKY. ONE OF THE BANDITS TAKES OUT SOME ROPE AND ORDERS THE OTHER ONE TO TIE THEM UP.

"Aw, no, please - you don't gotta tie us up - just take what you want and leave us alone."

STEVE IS PISTOL-WHIPPED AND FALLS BACK AND HIS HANDS ARE TIED IN THE BACK, THEN HE'S YANKED BACK UP. SCOTT IS ALSO TIED UP.

"Take 'em to the back room!"

THE TWO TERRIFIED TWENTY-SOMETHINGS ARE PUSHED AND SHOVED TOWARD THE BACK STORE ROOM AND ORDERED TO SIT ON A SOFA WITH A GUN TRAINED ON THEM IN CASE OF ANY SUDDEN MOVES.

THE TWO GUYS HEAR A HUGE RUCKUS OUT FRONT, THEN THE OTHER GUNMAN HEARS "Come on! Let's move it!"

"What about these two?"

"STUN 'em!"

AT THAT POINT, THE TERRIFIED TWENTY-SOMETHINGS TRY TO ESCAPE, BUT THEY'RE BOTH SHOT IN THEIR FEET WITH TASER DARTS AND THEY GO DOWN SCREAMING. STEVE HITS THE GROUND FIRST, BANGING HIS HEAD ON THE FLOOR. SCOTT HAS IT SOFTER, HIS HEAD LANDING RIGHT ON STEVE'S BARREL-CHEST. HE SLIDES DOWN A LITTLE, THEIR BOUND BARE BICEPS TOUCHING.

THE ROBBERS ESCAPE

AS THE TWO LAY WOUNDED, SCOTT CRIES, "What'll we do now? I -- I can't--MOVE!" TEARS OF AGONY ROLL DOWN SCOTT'S SMOOTH CLEAN-SHAVEN FACE, AND LAND ON STEVE'S TEE-SHIRT.

STEVE HAS A PLAN - "We're just hit with Tasers - when that wears off, we gotta get ourselves untied, then make a phone call."

"The cops?"

"Nah - I know somebody better..."

STEVE AND SCOTT SIT BACK TO BACK UNTYING EACH OTHER, ALL FOUR ARMS RUBBING AGAINST EACH OTHER - THEIR TEE-SHIRT SLEEVES HIKE UP AS THEIR SMOOTH, SHINY BARE ARMS ARE TENSED-UP. THEY GET THEMSELVES UNDONE, VIOLENTLY FLINGING THE ROPE TO THE OTHER END OF THE ROOM. SCOTT RUBS THE ROPE-BURN MARKS ON HIS HANDS - STEVE RUBS HIS UPPER ARM AS HE LANDED RIGHT ON IT WHEN HE FELL WOUNDED.

HE THEN TELLS SCOTT:

"You haven't had a chance to meet this guy, but a regular of mine, really into comics...he's a detective - Eddie Robinson."

"You mean Batz & Robinson?"

STEVE PUTS HIS HAND ON SCOTT'S SHOULDER AS SCOTT CONTINUES TO RUB HIS WRISTS. "Precisely, chum! I think they're the best ones for this."

MIKE AND EDDIE APPEAR ON THE SCENE. EDDIE GOES IN THE BACK TO DEAL WITH THE WOUNDED HOSTAGES AS MIKE CANVASSES THE AREA.

"Thank God, Eddie, we gotta get to the hospital right away."

"Gosh, Steve, where'd they "Tase" ya?"

"In our feet. We were trying to make a break for it when the robber started shooting at us. He was aiming right at our chests. If we didn't get movin', it'd be a lot worse."

Scott replies, "Yeah, we might've been killed on the spot. But this sucks - now we can't go to the convention."

Eddie asks, "what convention?"

"Comic book convention - Steve recommended it and we were headed out there just when these bastards ran in and did their stuff."

I interjected, "I just looked over the whole area - a box marked "Batman" was tipped over and empty. My guess is that they took the whole inventory of Bat merchandise, and they spray-painted 'Riddle me this' on the walls, with a huge question mark."

Eddie was amazed, "wow - all the Batman stuff? I can see where they'd want somethin' like that so badly, but still, we gotta get these guys and recover the stolen merchandise. Sounds like we got a couple of real sick puppies on our hands".

Then I had a thought - the convention - this perp just might know about it and decide to strike there, too.

"This convention - how long does this go on?"

"Tomorrow's the last day - it runs from Noon to midnight."

I look them both over and try to console them, "hey, ya know, you're both a couple of young guys, pretty strong, I guess. Ya might get treated and released tonight - you could probably go tomorrow. Hey, Eddie, I just had a thought. Maybe we all oughta go tomorrow."

Eddie rubs his fist - "I think we oughta go tonight - whoever this is has to know about the convention - I think he might strike tonight if he hasn't already."

Steve says, "Couldn't we go with ya guys?"

Eddie replies, "Nah, best if you lie low tonight - thank God you only got Tasered bu that'd still pose a risk of nerve damage, and we don't want your lives on the line any further than they were already."

"Eddie's right - if ya wanna help us with this case, we'd like to have you guys around, but ya gotta get healthy first."

I chuckle as I just remembered something - this might embarrass Eddie a little, but he'll get over it.

"As a matter of fact, whenever the two of us get hit on the Job, Eddie's always the first to leap back into action, no matter how badly he gets hurt."

Steve smiles at this, "I'm not surprised - Eddie's always thought about others first. Quite a guy."

Eddie's face turns redder than the Taser marks on these boys' legs, but, hey, it's the truth. A good gumshoe always tells the truth.

"So, we'll get goin' to this convention - see if anything untoward happens, hopefully we'll be able to stop it."

"If we hurry"

Steve pipes in, "hey, guys, you can use the tickets we had for tonight" He and Scott both reach inside their wallets and hand us the tickets. Eddie pats Steve's arm and says, "thanks, Steve, you're a pal."

Scott says, "you guys are pals, too - just let us know when you need us" - he slams his fist into his hand and snarls, "I really wanna crack their skulls".

The paramedics show up to treat the boys, then THESE boys were on their way to the comic-book convention. "We'll stop by and check how you're doin' after the convention ends tonight - you're in good hands now".

Steve mutters, "holy Allstate".

"LET'S GO!"

MIKE - Racing against time, as usual.

EDDIE - I'm reading the address on the tickets and say, "It's not very far from here, we should be there in about 10 - 15 minutes."

"Excelllent! One thing worries me."

"What's that?"

"Suppose this is too easy - I mean, we can only assume the bad guys'll be there."

Eddie disagreed:

"That comic book store - much as I love it - is really a door prize compared to the jackpot that is a superhero convention."

"You really think the villains will strike there."

"It's almost as if I'm being told - that's how strongly I feel. Strange, huh?"

"Yeah, kinda - but even if nothing happens tonight - at least we're taking action, and those kids are gonna be okay".

"That's what really gets me, Mike. They should be on their way, if not there already. I don't know this guy, Scott, but Steve's a real sweetheart. I got to know him when I started hanging out there a couple of years ago. At that point, I never knew anyone so friendly, so funny, so into this. I swear he'd be a superhero right now if he could. Once, I didn't have the scratch to come out here, so he bought my ticket and the two of us had a real blast. Now, he's sittin' there in an ER, getting a bullet taken out of his leg on THE night he looks forward to all year. Just based on that, I really wanna get these guys. Why they didn't wait til the store was closed is beyond me. Heinous hateful hoodlums, that's what they are."

I smiled and put my hand on his leg.

"You have such a beautiful heart, my boy. But I think you're treadin' a dangerous path."

"Letting it get to me personally."

"Exactly. I know he's your friend and you want to avenge his shooting, and I love you for that. It makes you a great crimefighter, but we do have to treat this as though it happened to strangers. You have to keep your wits about you at all times."

"Gosh, yes, Boss-Man. I will."

We pull up to the convention center. The parking lot is almost surrounded by fighters of evil - heh, at least a bunch of guys dressed for a night of fighting evil. A couple of Supermans, some Aquamen, Spidermen, Clark Kent and Lois Lane, and all that. Yeah, this looks like it's gonna be a fun night, I hope we get to have a little fun, too. Bustin' a couple of heads. We're really ready for some action.

"Ya see any Batman and Robin types yet?"

Eddie scanned the parking lot, "Not yet - let's check inside."

We turn the tickets in and get our hands stamped and they give us back the stubs.

"Keep your eyes peeled. If there are any Dynamic Duos around here, we gotta get their backs, watch 'em like a hawk."

"Right - LOOK! Blue and yellow capes at 3 o'clock!"

And there they were. Two guys dressed like Batman and Robin. Poor stiffs, they don't know what may or may not hit 'em. We follow them - keeping a distance to be sure, but we've still got an eye on them. We walk past a Batman stand. Still intact, nothing wrong there. People start comin' up to the boys, looking like they're admiring the suits, taking pictures and that.

"Hey, check it out - there's a Joker."

"Man, I always thought he was strange - always gave me the creeps."

We saw some Penguins, a couple of Riddlers, an occasional Lex Luthor. We accidentally bump into a Catwoman.

"Oops, sorry about that. 'Scuze us."

"Put 'em up, knaves."

She pulls out a couple of guns from her holster.

"I've got you covered with my cat-darts."

Eddie's eyes popped open - not outta fear, but admiration.

"Wow - that's a great looking suit - and where did you get those cat-guns. They look just like on the tv show."

"Yes, they cost a pretty penny, but I treated myself out of the proceeds on my assault on Mount Gotham. The rest was WORKING CAPITAL."

Eddie laughs and says, "you're the boss, Catwoman."

"Yup - how are you boys feeling?"

"Purrfect."

"You're learning. TTFN"

Eddie smiles, knowing what the next line is, "What's TTFN?"

"Ta Ta for Now. MEEEEOWW!"

She walks on her way, and we on ours.

"People actually carry on like that, huh?"

"Aw, you bet. Things like these are like a god-send. Ya get to come down to something like this for one weekend a year and just hang with your bat-people. It's great. Ya really feel like ya belong somewhere sometimes, ya know?"

I smile at him. "You feel right at home here, dontcha?"

"Aw, Mike, it's like a family. You never know who you'll really get to know here, you might not really bond with anyone, just a bunch of passin' ships, but for two days outta the year, the whole building knows what you're talkin' about."

"Ya know somethin', kiddo, I'm glad you had this in your life, to get ya through - that Robin kept ya goin' - gave ya somethin' to hang onto, somethin' to believe in. When I first knew ya, I thought it was a little odd, I didn't watch the show much when it was on, or anything, but when I see not only how happy it makes you, but how much it's influenced your life for the good, I'd say that somebody up there did you a real good turn."

Looking into his eyes, I say, "you've been a great sidekick to me, kiddo, the best Robin any boy can. I've been a good Batman to ya?"

A huge smile swept across Eddie's face and he reached over and kissed me, "Awww, Boss-man - you've been the best ever."

"Hey, when this wraps up tonight - and we get back home, ya wanna - ya know - "

"The minute we get in."

Then outta the corner of his eye, Eddie sees the capes.

"Hey, Boss-Man, there they are again."

"Good eye - let's tail 'em."

I know - I know - how can we be sure they're the same guys dressed like the duo? Hey, this is a detective talkin' to ya here. I checked their height, the hair on the guy bein' Robin, his smooth, silky, supple arms, how beautifully he fills out them tights of his. Aw, you bet I remember these guys.

They stop for a sec to chat with someone else givin' them the once-over. We gotta make our move, right as soon as they split. They do. We move.

"Uh, 'scuze us. Can we talk for a sec?"

The Batman says, "sure, but not too long - we're kinda workin' here tonight, we gotta do the whole room."

Our badges come out.

"So do we."

"Hey, what's up?"

"Potential security problem - havin' to do with you."

'Robin' says, "why - what'd we do?"

"Nah, nothing you did - but what someone else may do - to you."

"What're you talkin' about?"

"Tonight, there was a comic book shop that was robbed. The bad guys stole all the Batman memorabilia - and they tied up and Taser darted the two guys workin' there."

"And we suspect they might strike here tonight - even tomorrow - we'll be back here then, too."

"Which comic book shop was it?"

"The one on 8th and Jefferson."

'Robin' hypes out "holy home week - a guy named Steve owns the joint?"

"Yeah."

"Great Scott! Steve's been Tasered?"

"Yeah - he should be okay pretty soon, we hope - but we're kinda keepin' an eye on you guys - I hope we're wrong, but we just wanted ya to know, you might need protection this weekend."

Just then, a "riddler" comes running up behind the duo and shoves a rag on both of their faces. They struggle and fall to the ground. Me-n-Eddie try to rush the guy, but we get hit with a blinding flash-bomb by his henchman, with smoke all around us. Eddie takes his shirt off to wave the smoke away so we can see. We see the two poor guys being carted away. The rest of the room, thinking it's just a re-enactment of the series, laughs, applauds and even hums some of the background music.

"Let's go after them, Boss-Man!"

We go running after them, don't see hide or hair of them until we get out to the parking lot and see the two bad guys stuff something into a van.

"Holy cargo! He's kidnappin' them."

Eddie takes out his digital camera and snaps a shot of the back of the va, license plate and all. We leap into action, jump into the car and go speeding off. As it looks like we might catch up to them, the henchman starts shooting at us. We don't care - the car is bulletproof, and even if not, we gotta get our man and save those boys.

"That could've been Steve and Scott - good thing they didn't show up here tonight!"

I don't believe it - it's not an abandoned warehouse they're pulling into, but a paking garage at a condo complex. We're stymied. How can we get into that garage? Which apartment are they going into? Will we ever find the villains and rescue the heroes? Lord only knows what's next!

CHAPTER SEVENTY-TWO - The Drop

2006-07-16T14:02:00.000-07:00

EDDIE - Me-n-Chet were setting up the video camera in the room he would occupy, while Mike was setting up the monitor in our room. He gave an "A-OK" shout that let us know the image was coming through.

"Yeah, I can see half of each bed - got a full shot of the dresser and the door. Chet, just make sure the dirt-bag gives you your stuff in that area."

"Got it, Mike!"

"Boy, this is really gonna be somethin', huh? Me in on a sting. Holy mackerel."

Chet's remark gave me pause. Sure it was great that he was into it, but I had to find out why. It's always a good guy that wants to fight the bad guys - that's just the law of averages, but I had to ask him something.

"Chet - can I ask ya something?"

"Shoot."

"You're studying Criminology to get into the PD, and all. Why exactly did you choose that line of work?

"'Cuz it's always been interesting to me - it looks like a cool job."

I kinda frowned, "uh-huh".

Chet was a little concerned, "what's up?"

"Chet, I gotta tell ya a few things - I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but coolness is not a reason to fight crime. Not a good one."

"What do ya mean?"

"Let's sit down here." Chet and I sat next to each other on the same bed. I put a hand on each leg and Chet just looked at me. I had to summon just the right words to get my point across - finally I looked at him and put one hand on his knee.

"Chet - I'm afraid it's a lot more complicated than that. You see, I'm glad you admire the work and those who do it - that's how I started out, by admiring Mike most of my life, but the fight against crime calls for the right man to be pure of heart, and to know that this is the right thing to do - cool or not."

"Well, don't you enjoy it - don't you get into it? It looks like the two of you are having a real blast."

"Oh, we are. I have never had as much fun in my life as I do now - but that's just the icing on the cake. Our real enjoyment of the life comes from the good feeling we get when we know we've done the right thing. When we see the bad guys in handcuffs and the cops comin' to get 'em, toss 'em in the clink and throw away the key, that tells us the good citizens of this town can be free to walk the streets at night, that they're safe. We've served and protected society against another threat to their safety and / or their lives, and..."

Suddenly I felt emotional, I had to look away for a sec as my eyes were starting to well up. Chet put a hand on my shoulder, "Eddie? You okay?"

"Never better - this is joy, Chet. Doing good just for the sake of doing good gives me such joy. Tomorrow morning, when we send Juan Verona to the slammer, I pray that you find that sense of joy in you, too. You're a good man, and as your friend I can't think of anything better I'd wish for you."

A big smile came across Chet's face while he thought over what I said to him, then he looked at me, "as my friend?"

"Absolutely. All who step up in the fight against crime will always be a friend of Batz & Robinson. Anyway, I better see if Mike needs anything. Just remember what I told ya, okay?"

"Uh, sure. Thanks, Eddie."

CHET - He smiled and winked at me, then went into the next room. While his advice was helpful, I perked up when he said the word 'friend' - but he meant in a sort of spiritual sense, like when you go to AA, they call ya a friend of Bill W., but you never actually meet him, 'cuz he died about 60 years ago. Damn. I guess I didn't really have pure intentions after all. I mean, yes, I do want to fight crime, but really, with them. Sure, I can join the PD and all, but any cop I get partnered with can't really hold a candle to these guys. I don't think any cop on the beat is as hot as Eddie or Mike. Yeah, the cat's outta the bag. I like them. I'm gay. It's been kinda hard 'cuz this is so new to me, having only been honest about it the last couple of years, or so. When I was rescued by the Dashin' Duo, I got so hard for 'em, I really didn't know which of 'em I wanted to bang the most. Mike, so tall, so commanding, so 36-inch waist, with that hat and coat, so powerful. Then there's Eddie, so muscular, so super-hyper, those tight shirts, those fists, those spread legs. He's about my age, and he has such a boyish enthusiasm about him. Just a beautiful, beautiful guy. I really love both of them.

Remembering our meeting time of 8am, Mike and Eddie walk over to my room and both look at their watches. "It's time, Chet. Are you ready?"

"I sure am".

Then came the knock on the door.

----------------------------------------------

MIKE - We were watching the sting on a video surveillance in the next room - Chet gets up and answers the door and it was the dealer. As Chet closes the door and before he turns to carry out this "transaction", Verona reaches inside his jacket and brandishes a gun.

"UP with your hands - COP!"

Chet is shot instantly.

Eddie sees this in the other room and calls out to me, "HOLY WEAPONRY - Chet's been hit!"

As we leapt into action, Chet falls to the floor, screaming! He then holds his wounded arm up and is kicking at the dealer, who's taking a couple of more shots, more shouting, we don't know if he's wounded, scared, or both! As we run into the motel room, we see the bad guy fallin' back, gun falling to the floor - Chet must've knocked the piece outta his hand! GOOD JOB!

Then we leap in - the pusher is knocked over for a second, but tries to get back up - that's when I throw myself right on top of the loser, cuffing him in seconds flat.

Eddie goes to see about Chet as he tries to make his way up, so he grabs hold of him and helps him sit on one of the beds. Poor guy, holding his bleeding arm, moaning, grimacing, even letting out a scream.

"He got me again! He got me again!"

EDDIE - I asked Chet where he was hit again and he pointed to his neck, and I look to see there were only a couple of scratches. Nothing penetrated. As a matter of fact, I looked between the beds and saw a bullet hole in the end table between the beds and another one in the wall.

"Naw, you're good - just got grazed, the bullets hit something else, but we gotta get that other one out of you as soon as we can. Just hang in there, Chet, it's gonna be okay."

CHET - Man, this is painful! I remember cutting my foot on something once, and it only really hurt at first, just kind of stinging later on, but this thing - boy, it feels like my whole body's hurtin'. But when Eddie helps me up and sits me down, he tries to assure me that it's gonna be okay. In fact, he even calls 9-11.

"Shots fired - wounded civilian needs an ambulance - we got the shooter here - send back-up."

This is like the second time Eddie's saving my life here. As we both sit, he puts one arm around me, and as I tilt my head back a little, the back of my neck touches his arm. Flesh on flesh. Feels pretty good. The feel of his flesh on mine is really warm, really beautiful, really soothing. He puts his other hand close to my right pec. Just a few inches above it. I swear, this kid's hands are those of healers. He's got a real healing touch. So, as he's talkin' me through this, I turn to look at him, and I just loved lookin' at him. He and his boss don't know this, but I saw them gettin' kinda chummy, I guess when they didn't know I was looking. I gotta admit I had a crush on the two of them at first, the way they swept in and pummeled our kidnappers from before - I was a kidnap victim of those photographers, so when they put the ad out saying they needed help with confidential information, I knew I wanted to work with them. They do real exciting work and they're such good guys, too. I hope they want me back for something else later on.

"Say, what the hell is this? What's all this for?"

"Mmm, let's see - leading a drug ring, selling dope to school kids, the attempted murder of a civilian aide to the police - boy, I wouldn't wanna be you right now, that's for sure!"

EDDIE - As he says this, he puts on a pair of gloves and seizes the gun. I run over and ask where Chet was shot, and if he was wearing his bulletproof tee, and he shows me.

"Just right below the tee-shirt sleeve - darn lucky shot!"

"Naw, he knew what he was doin' - he had me made - you probably didn't hear it, but he yelled at me to put my hands up and called me a cop!"

Eddie was alarmed, "Holy sunken ship! How'd he find out?"

The dealer answered for himself, "The night clerk ratted you out - said there were two other guys and described you both - I recognized you dashing dick-heads and put two and two together."

MIKE - Chet was holding his arm and let out a gasp - natural as sometimes the bullet shifts a little when settling in. The dope dealer snarled at him.

"Don't you go making any noises, cop! I was aiming for your heart which I wish I hit. I shoulda killed all of ya!"

I backhanded him across the face, "you shut the hell up, dirt-bag. You're just uptight 'cuz this fine boy's life is worth a million times what your life'll ever be."

Eddie comforts Chet and asks me how big the bullet was that hit him. I put my gloves on, emptied the gun and handed Eddie one of the bullets which he showed Chet, who gasped, "I hope they can get it outta me. Hey, uh, do you guys think you want me to do this again for ya sometime?"

Eddie looks at me, beams, and puts one arm around him and puts his other hand on the boy's good shoulder, "don't you worry, pal, you're a member of the family now. Just hang in there with us, buddy, you'll be okay."

The cops and the paramedics came and got their people. Eddie mutters, "hey, see if you can get up and walk outta here. Show that scumbag he can't put a good man down."

A paramedic temporarily bandages Chet's wound and he, still holding his arm, gets up and walks out the door to the ambulance, stopping and glaring at his assailant, "I hope you never see daylight again for what you did to these kids."

Eddie nods and winks approvingly. I'd say we got another one on our side. Me and Eddie stand in the doorway and look at our work. I was still holdin' on to one of the bullets and said, "pretty big slug he took there, I hope the kid's gonna be all right."

Eddie wrapped his arm around my waist, and I in turn wrapped my arm around his shoulder.

"He's more than all right - he wants to stick with us"

THen he turns to face me, wrapping both arms around me and kissing me. "Then again, who wouldn't wanna stick around a studling like you!"

I kiss him back, "well, you too, ya know."

Eddie thinks for a minute, "hey, Boss-Man, how much time we got left with these rooms".

I wear a sly grin and play dumb, "Oh, a couple of hours, I guess. Why - whatcha have in mind, kiddo?"

Eddie giggles and grins mischievously, "whaddya think, gumshoe?"

I giggle and grin, "ooh, you're so bad - I gotta take ya in."

"I surrender, Detective - I'll come quietly."

"Oh, you'll come - but hopefully not quietly."

Later on, we pack up all our stuff and head out to see Chet. Oh, he was in great spirits. His face lit up like a Christmas tree when we walked in.

"So, how ya doin' there, kiddo?"

"Aw, just great, Mike. Man, I loved the way you tackled that guy back there."

"Hey, you did kick the gun outta his hand."

"So, ya know what's gonna happen to the bad guy?"

Eddie interjects, "we're goin' for life without the possibility of parole. Give that thug enough time to live with his crimes."

Chet purses his lips and nods, "ya got that right".

"So, Eddie tells me you wanna come back and do this again."

"Oh, you bet! Gettin' shot hurt and ev'rything, but I really had a blast. Can't wait for the next time."

"Anyone with the desire to fight crime by our side is always welcome and has a special place in our hearts."

"So, when ya gettin' outta here?"

"Tomorrow - I gotta come back for therapy and all. Oh, yeah, that's right, thanks for drivin' my car over here. That's like a part of my body - I can't live without it."

He paused for a sec and said, "so, uh, did I do okay?"

"Okay? You were fantastic! Knockin' that guy over, causin' him to drop his gun after you'd been shot. You talk about a hero!"

"Am I one? Really?"

"Sure thing - you took the slug, still fought back, protected me-n-Eddie..."

"...Not to mention any other kids the dealer may have harmed along the way. Taking one bullet did all that."

We get the announcement that visiting hours are over.

"Hey, looks like we gotta roll, but you know our door is always open for ya - you're a real nice kid and we like havin' ya around."

"Thanks, Mike and Eddie. You two guys are really somethin'."

EPILOGUE

It was the next day - me-n-Eddie were just relaxin' not doin' anything special, just bein' with each other and that. Then the doorbell rings.

"Gosh! A new case!"

We both sprint to the door, only to find Chet on the other side. It's pretty hot outside, and he's wearing a white tee-shirt and black jogging shorts with a stripe going up the thigh. His left arm is in a sling, the right side of his neck bore a couple of stitches. Yet through all this, he wears a really happy smile.

"Hey, so ya got out, huh?"

"Yeah, just a little while ago - sure'll be nice to just crash on my sofa. But there is somethin' I gotta tell ya, if I can come in for a sec."

"Sure"

We walk into the living room and I motion for Chet to sit down, but he declines, sayin' he's only passin' through, but he's got somethin' on his mind. The warm, determined "ready-for-anything" smile gives way. A mild feeling of sadness coats his eyes.

"Gosh, Chet, what's wrong?"

"I wanted to do something that I couldn't do last night. Hope you don't mind."

"Uh, okay."

He leans over to Eddie, puts his free hand on his shoulder and kisses him on the cheek, and he does the same with me. Me-n-Eddie look at each other all non-plussed. It's as if we can read each other's minds. HE KNOWS!

"I, uh, saw ya kinda chummy with each other when you both were rescuing all of us from that photographer, and...I noticed it again when we were settin' up the sting in the motel."

Me-n-Eddie nod slightly.

"I kinda liked ya both during the rescue. I couldn't stop thinking about either of you. So when it turns out my professor said he recommended me for this, I was real happy. It was a chance to really do something for law enforcement, a chance to help nab a bad guy, and to hang out with you two. I'm not out - I just got honest with my sexuality over the last couple of years or so, I'm kinda young, and it's still kinda new to me, and I'm a little scared of it, and I just wanted to be around guys who know - who understand, and...well, I'm real grateful for everything you've done, and...I was real happy I could help, if I did, and...I love you guys."

Astonishment glazes over our faces. We can't believe our ears. The boy volunteers his services, suffers greatly, bearing the brunt of the evil of our ememy, nearly losing his life - for us - and yet, he's grateful - and he loves us.

Imagine that. Imagine.

CHAPTER SEVENTY-ONE - The Case of the Predatory Pill-Pusher (or The Case of the Stung Stinger)

2006-07-05T04:58:00.000-07:00

TWO POLICE OFFICERS ARE ON PATROL - NOTHING'S REALLY BEEN GOING ON ALL DAY.

"God, this is boring, just driving around all day."

His older partner gently admonishes him, "now, now, be grateful for days like these. It's a sure fire guarantee you're going home at the end of your shift."

"Yeah, I know, but when I joined the Police Department, I was ready for some action, and still am."

The older officer, driving, chuckles at his younger partner. "Well, this is the day shift - and this is kind of a quiet sleepy town - not a lot happens around here, but it's up to us to make sure of that."

"I guess I just wanna make a difference around here - really serve and protect others, like the motto says."

"Yeah, I hear ya, but we're doin' the servin' part now - patrollin' the streets - ya never know- the sight of a squad car is enough to discourage someone from pullin' a fast one."

UNTIL - THEY DRIVE UP NEAR A SCHOOL AND SEE A SUSPICIOUS CHARACTER WAITING OUTSIDE THE PLAYGROUND. THIS CHARACTER IS WEARING A WOOL HAT AND SUNGLASSES, AND IT'S IN THE HEART OF SPRING.

"Hey, he looks a little strange. Maybe we oughta question him."

AT THAT MOMENT, SCHOOL LETS OUT AND CHILDREN ARE RUNNING OUT TOWARD THE GATE, HEADING HOME. THAT'S WHEN THE STRANGER MAKES HIS MOVE. HE APPROACHES SOME OF THE CHILDREN WITH SOME OBJECT HE TAKES OUT OF HIS COAT POCKET. THE OLDER OFFICER EVEN SUSPECTS SOMETHING'S UP. THEY PULL IN RIGHT NEAR THE SCHOOL.

"All right, you, just what do you think you're doing?", says the younger officer. T

THEN THE STRANGER PANICS AND STARTS RUNNING OFF. THE OFFICERS ARE IN HOT PURSUIT. THEY DRIVE THE EXACT SAME PATH THIS GUY IS RUNNING, THEN HE DECIDES TO HEAD DOWN AN ALLEY WITH SPEED-BUMPS. THE OFFICERS GET OUT OF THE SQUAD CAR AND DO A FOOT CHASE.

"Stop! Police! Stop in the name of the law!"

THE GUY DOES STOP, BUT ONLY FOR A MOMENT - JUST LONG ENOUGH TO BRANDISH A PIECE.

THE YOUNGER OFFICER GETS HYPER, "Holy Shit! He's got a gun."

THE OLDER OFFICER ORDERS THE GUNMAN TO DROP THE WEAPON, BUT HE OPENS FIRE INSTEAD - STRIKING THE OLDER OFFICER RIGHT IN THE CHEST. THE YOUNGER OFFICER TAKES COVER AND SHOOTS THE GUN OUT OF THE BAD GUY'S HAND, AND YELLS FOR HIM TO FREEZE, BUT THE GUY INSISTS ON RUNNING, THEN THE OFFICER STRIKES THE BAD GUY IN THE LEG, CATCHES UP TO HIM, AND SLAPS ON THE CUFFS. HE CALLS FOR BACK-UP.

"Shots fired, officer down, officer down, shots fired."

HE DRAGS THE BAD GUY OVER TO HIS WOUNDED PARTNER.

"See what ya did, ya piece of crap?"

"So the fuck what! He had it comin'!"

THIS SENDS THE OFFICER INTO A RAGE AND HE BEGINS PUNCHING THE BAD GUY. OTHER SQUAD CARS PULL UP TO THE SCENE, THE OFFICER POINTS TO THE SUSPECT AND HAS HIM DRAGGED AWAY, THEN HE RUNS OVER TO HIS PARTNER.

"Come on, Jack. Ya with me?"

HE RESPONDS, "Yeah, kid, I'm still here. (gasp) Damn good thing I got my vest on, I think it stopped the slug, but man does it hurt like a bitch. Ya call an ambulance?"

"I put out an officer down call, so one should be here pretty quick."

AND SURE ENOUGH THE AMBULANCE COMES AND PARAMEDICS TREAT THE WOUNDED OFFICER, GETTING ALL THE DETAILS FROM HIS YOUNGER, LOYAL OFFICER. THEY ALSO CHECK THE GUNMAN'S WOUNDS AND A POLICE SERGEANT SAYS IT LOOKS LIKE A CLEAN SHOOT. THE OFFICER IS RELIEVED, BUT SAYS,

"Hey, Jack, it figures you'd go and get yourself popped when it's your turn to get the coffee today. You owe me one, ya know."

Jack gives his young charge a look of mock indignation, "yeah, kid, I owe you one, all right - right up your ass."

THEY BOTH LAUGH AND THE YOUNGER OFFICER ASKS THE PARAMEDICS IF HIS PARTNER'S GOING TO BE ALL RIGHT. HE'S REASSURED THAT THE VEST DID STOP THE BULLET, BUT THERE COULD BE SOME BRUISING AND JACK HAS TO GO IN AT LEAST FOR ONE NIGHT'S OBSERVATION.

MIKE - I was on the phone with the cops - they were telling me about the shooting and that they nabbed a guy.

"Shit! How's he gonna be? Oh, uh-huh, good to know. Yeah, for sure - we're on our way. Hey, Eddie!"

"What's up?"

"Pot-pusher peddlin' to prepubescents right outta school."

"Holy cripe - gettin' kids hooked on stuff at that age - what sense does that make?"

"Absolutely none - but they got somebody - and it looks like it might be a ring - we gotta talk to this guy!"

"Right you are!"

We sped off to the police station and were escorted to the holding cell where they had this piece of crap. As we were being led in, the escorting officer joked with us, "no rough stuff, boys, kick his ass gently, but give 'im a good backhand for me - I had that crap pushed on me as a kid. Miracle I didn't get hooked."

The dealer looked up at us and snarled, "well, if it isn't Clark Kent and Jimmy Olsen."

"Right idea, wrong hero, asshole. Enough about us..."

I took a chair, spinned it around backwards and sat down. Eddie stood right by me, fist in hand, legs spread apart, givin' this scumbag some real menacing glares, ready to pounce at any given moment.

"I want you to tell me what's up with pushin' this shit on little kids, resistin' arrest, attempted assault with a deadly weapon on a police officer, and attempted murder of a police officer with a deadly weapon."

He shrugged and said, "hey, guess it just wasn't their day, huh?"

Eddie starts to lunge, but I hold him back, "not yet, kid. I'll give you the signal."

"You won't let your buddy beat me to a pulp?"

"The longer the wait for dessert, the sweeter the taste, dick-head. Now, the boys outside are suspicious that you're a part of a ring - we've heard about other kids at other schools, so, seein' that you can't be in two places at the same time, how's about comin' clean - givin' the other ones up - even your ringleader."

"You can spare yourself all kinds of grief - we know what's goin' on - give us the dirt-bag's name, and where we can get him."

The suspect was cornered. He reluctantly, but in a state of resignation, sighed heavily and said, "all right - maybe this'll cut some time off what I got comin' - - it's Lex Luthor."

"Eddie - the signal!"

Eddie lunges for the guy and gives him a killer right hook, knockin' him outta his chair, then picks him up and shoves him into a wall and punches him a few more times, I'm callin' out, "hey, kiddo - let's share the wealth, eh?"

"Gosh yes, Boss-Man, how selfish of me."

Then I rip into him, almost knockin' him into the fetal position. I say to Eddie, "watch me set the table with this jack-off!" and I lifted him up and was about to throw him on the interrogation table - -

"Holy Atlas!"

- - when he started screaming,

"okay! okay! I give up! I'll tell ya what ya wanna know!"

"Say uncle first."

Eddie laughs, "What?"

"Your kingpin's name - NOW!"

"Okay, okay, it's Verona - Juan Verona."

"I said say it, you hose-bag!"

"All right, all right, fuck it, uncle - okay?"

I release my grip and let out a breath, "all right - that's what I'm talkin' about."

Me-n-Eddie take off and Eddie just has to ask me about all that uncle stuff.

"Holy cliche - it's like straight out of a Bowery Boys movie. You guys said that in real life?"

"Oh, yeah, that's what the bullies did to kids back then - they'd pin 'em to the wall and make 'em say it."

"Lemme guess - you did that to a lotta kids, didn't ya?"

I paused and said, "no. They did that...to me", I said haltingly, still bugged by the memory. "I wasn't always this mighty mass of muscle I am now - no, I came up the hard way. I only had myself to rely on in them days, but all that's changed now. I can beat 'em as soon as look at 'em, and I got somebody really good on my side now."

Eddie smiles and blushes, shufflin' his feet, "aw, Boss..."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

After we made a hit with our suspect, other members of the ring started showing up and rattin' out their fearless leader. The ball was in our hands now. From what we all heard about this guy, he was pretty damn dangerous, and we were just the men to stop him.

Eddie sat on the edge of the settee with fist firmly in hand, plotting how we were gonna sack this son of a bitch. Then we get a call from the hospital - one of the kids coerced into coughin' it up for cocaine was carted in with convulsions. We raced to the emergency room. ER docs worked tireless over this kid, finally settling him down.

"Is he conscious?" we asked after it was all over.

"Oh, yeah. We drained his blood and performed a transfusion with his type. He's going to be fine."

"Do you think he's up to talkin' to us?"

"Only one way to find out. He is a pretty strong kid."

We walked into the kid's so-called room. Energency rooms only have partitions, like those cheap-ass motels that charge ya 30 clams a night and give ya paper walls and a light socket - all the comforts of home, right?

We were shocked at the youth of this one - he was only 10 years old. Eddie introduced us to him. The boy is really good with kids, I tell ya.

"Hey, there slugger - I'm Eddie, and this is Mike - how's it goin', pal?"

"Uh, okay, I guess - how's it with you?"

"Real good - knowin' you're gonna pull through this."

"I wish I coulda fought him off - he was bigger than me."

I interjected, "how'd he do this to ya?"

"I was walkin' home from school - the principal told me mom was gonna be late pickin' me up 'cuz she got tied up with somethin', so I waited about half an hour, I got bored and just started walkin' - then that's when this man grabbed me, shoved me in an alley and made me sniff some stuff."

"Dirty son of a bitch", I growled through gritted teeth.

"Yeah, that's how they get ya hooked - they find a way to force it in your system, says it makes ya feel real good, then ya gotta have more. Then you end up stealin' from your mom and ev'rything just to get another nose full."

"Can ya describe him? Would ya know him if ya saw him again?"

"Well...he had like a black crew cut, a moustache with some hair on his chin, sunglasses, wore gloves, a tee-shirt under a jacket, and jeans."

"Turns out ya may be in luck", I said. "we caught this guy's friends today and they all gave him up. Now that we got a description, we got his name, number and all, so all we gotta do is track him down."

"Yeah, rest easy, kid. We'll get him. We always get 'em."

The kid stared out for a second and said, "Your names are Mike and Eddie? Are you the Dashin' Duo?"

"The two and only, kiddo."

"This bully at our school - - all the kids started pickin' on him 'cuz I think you busted his dad, or something. I feel kinda sorry for him."

"Why?", I said with a very furrowed brow.

"'cuz no one likes to get picked on - even bullies."

"Don't worry about him - if we got his dad on somethin', then the creep definitely deserved it - and if this kid's out bullyin' the likes of you guys, he's gettin' what's comin', too."

"Anyways, we're gonna let ya get some rest - ya had a pretty tough day - and we're gonna get this guy and bring 'im to justice."

"You think you want me to identify him in a line-up?"

I grinned and chuckled at the kid, "the line-up? How do ya know about all that?"

"My dad's got Dragnet on DVD - he watches it all the time."

"Ya know what else he should get if they ever put it out? Batman!"

"Aw, that's silly. I saw that a few times - that's a pretty weird show."

"It's really just a parody of the comic book - they do the same stuff Gannon and Friday do, but in brighter clothes, that's all."

The kid starts laughing, "and that kid that's always sayin' holy this and holy that - where'd they ever get him?"

"Well, he's just real into fightin' crime, that's all. But in any case, we really appreciate your help, and you'll get better real soon. The doc says you're a pretty strong kid."

The kid laughs again, "yeah, I know - when I was shakin' one of them tried to hold my hands down, but I belted him. I didn't mean to, but I still did."

Me-n-Eddie both laugh and say, "take it easy, kid, and thanks again".

We walk out down the hall aqnd I chuckle at Eddie, "looks like you guys are gonna agree to disagree, huh?"

"Yeah, but he's young yet - he'll come around. But ya know somethin' - about what ya said about bullies gettin' it - kids who turn around and pick on bullies when they're down aren't really any better than they are."

"Yeah, I know, but it feels real good. More importantly, though, now that we got a feel for this guy, we gotta devise a way to nab him somehow. We gotta catch him in the act somehow or else he may just get a slap on the wrist, and we want him locked up for the rest of his life. Let's just go back home and think this through,huh?"

"You said it, Boss-Man - been a pretty tough day so far."

Back at the homestead, Eddie was slowly pacing back and forth, slamming his fist in his hand. I stood with my arms folded.

"Very crafty, cunning and clever, this suspect of ours. Is never once physically present at any crime.

"Holy Charles Manson."

"Apt observation, boy. He has his minions carry out his evil endeavors."

"But with all of 'em locked up and out of circulation, if he wants to stay in business and keep his hands clean, he's gotta round up a whole new crew - and fast, before a new fish comes into the pond."

"Keep talkin', kid, you're gettin' warm..."

Eddie smacks his fist in his hand and points, "and I move in and infiltrate - RIGHT, Mike!"

"WRONG, Eddie!"

"Wrong?"

"Yes, you're too well-known in these parts. Your presence is bound to raise a few eyebrows."

"I could say I'm a turncoat - that I'm..."

"I appreciate your bravery and your willingness, but your accidental self-betrayal might just be the death of you."

"Self-betrayal?"

"Season One - episode 16 - the conclusion of 'Joker Goes to School'. Ring any bells?"

Eddie didn't skip a beat. "By gosh, you're right - Dick Grayson goes undercover, tries a little too hard to keep up his disguise, chokes on a cigarette, then the gang figures he's working for Batman, which almost leads to them getting shot to death in the bar. Holy buckshot!"

"That's too big a chance for us to take. What we need is a decoy."

"I see what you mean - do we go to the police station? The academy?"

"You got the right idea, but those boys'll see their own action soon enough - I was thinking of a student. There's a Department of Criminology at the local university - we can speak to the head of the department and give one of his best students the chance to test the waters of law enforcement first-hand."

"Holy extracurricular activity!"

"Right on the nose, boy."

I kiss him but not exactly on the nose.

"To the university."

----------------------------------

Later that day, we hear a knock on our door. There's a young boy standing there, about 6'3, I think - looking pretty eager. Big, beautiful smile - clean shaven, kind of a dishwater shade of blonde hair. He's been out for a jog, it looks like. He's a bit short of breath, he's wearing a slightly sweat-stained tee-shirt - the tight sleeves reveal a couple of well-tanned, muscular arms of smooth, silky, but strong flesh - and a pair of jogging shorts which showcase his muscular, smooth, silky, sinewy legs. As I answer the door, he raises his arm up to wipe his face with his tee-shirt sleeve. I catch a glimpse of pit-hair.

"Hey - good to see you guys again. I hear you're lookin' for someone to help you out a little."

"Have we met before?"

"We sure have. Only ya probably saw me for like a second. You were too busy saving my life and rescuing me from that creep photographer."

Eddie hears the whole thing and walks over, "Of course, Mike - I remember - your name is Chet, right?"

"That's right - Chet Gracen."

EDDIE - GRACEN? Holy serendipity - you talk about a sign.

MIKE - I usher him in and invite him over to our living room to bang this plan out here. Eddie continues.

"I remember you telling me you were nabbed at school. So, you're a Criminology student?"

"Yeah, that's right. I wanted to become a police officer, but I hear ya gotta have at least a couple of years in college first, so I majored in the thing that would matter most - Criminology."

"Good choice, all around. Did the Dean give you any indication of what's going on with us?"

"No, not a thing - just confidential and sensitive information, which is a given, anyway."

MIKE - I try to break it gently to him, let him hear everything before he gets the chance to think it over.

"We're presently pursuing a pill-pusher who runs a ring which forces narcotics on school-children. Now, all the rats in his ring are racked up in the joint, so he's probably out lookin' for new faces."

"Wow, holy talent scout"

Eddie interjects "of the worst kind - he probably promises paydirt, but these goons mostly take the heat for the sale and then this one goes in and collects whatever he can get his hands on - holy talent scout is right."

"We have the name and a method of contact for this scumbag as well as a description. What we're gonna do for the time being is follow him around, stake him out. You ride along with us, and when it looks like you can get him to yourself, then you apply for the job. You wear a wire of course."

"Of course,", says Eddie, "as soon as we catch this louse in the act, then we pounce."

"Boy! Sounds cool - when do we do this?"

"Right away - but there is one thing we have to let you in on. I gotta run this by you and tell you everything there is about our line of work. We put in a lot of hours. We don't even think of sleep til the bad guy is busted and behind bars. We get the upper hand and swoop in for the take most of the time, but we deal with a very crafty, cunning, clever bunch of creeps, and sometimes we're taken by surprise."

"In our time, we've been captured, roped, drugged, beaten, shot. If the enemy doesn't succeed in maiming or mudering us, they'll try to put us asunder - turn us against each other, if they can."

"They never have."

"The boss is right - they never have and they never will because we devote our lives to this line of work, always defending against the loss of our lives, but knowing full well of the possibility, willing to pay the price. If our injuries or, one day, deaths, lead to the arrest and convition of our nemeses, then it's a price well worth it."

MIKE - I lean in, look Chet right in the eyes, hand on his shoulder. Eddie leans in, too.

"Look into my eyes and tell me you still wanna fight crime with us."

He stares right into my eyes, "I wanna fight crime with you."

Eddie pipes in, "now look into mine, and tell me you'll endure anything for the eradication of evil."

Chet does as he's told, looking right into Eddie's eyes and repeating word for word, "I'll endure anything for the eradication of evil."

We stand up straight and excuse ourselves as we discuss the deputization of a decoy.

I stand with arms folded, furrowed brow, Eddie stands with fist in hand, held up to his chest, leaning in and whispering, "whaddaya think, Mike? Is he in."

We look back to see Chet looking right at us with eager, hungry eyes, then turn around again, "it looks like we found ourselves a decoy."

"Right, Boss-Man, as a former hostage and a Criminology student, there's no one better."

We walk over and I stick my hand out, "congratulations, my boy. Consider yourself a decoy."

He leaps up, his eyes widen, his mouth opens.

"Wow! Honest?"

"We're never anything but. Now, this is going to temporarily take you from your studies, so I'm gonna clear this with your Dean - any time you spend in our service will get you extra credit, so no worries about your grade point average."

"Wow! This is the greatest! Ever since you guys saved my life, I was always wishin' I could do something for you in return and now this is it. It's gonna be a privilege and an honor to serve you in any way I can."

"It's an honor and privilege for us, too, to have someone aboard as eager and loyal as you are. Now, back to business, I see no reason why we can't start staking out the scumbag straightaway."

Eddie enthuses, "what the heck are we waitin' for?"

And we were off. We googled the given cell-phone number and traced it to an address and held a stake out a small distance from his residence. We see him leaving his house and walking toward his car. I hand Chet a pair of binoculars and ask him to read off the license plate number, which he does as Eddie writes it down. Then we take off, still keeping a distance. We see him soon pulling into a bar. This was Chet's cue.

"This is it, kid. Ready?"

"Never readier."

"That's my boy. See whatcha can get - we'll tape the whole thing out here."

We hear the following:

CHET - "Miller light, please"

Some bar noises and some music in the background - a jukebox, maybe. We hear some shifting around, Chet's mike picking what sounds like changing bar-stools. It was. He made our man.

"hey."

"Hey, yourself, whaddya want?"

"Are you Verona?"

"How the hell do you know that?"

"I got my ways. Besides, I hear your guys got all locked up - lookin' like ya need some help out there in the field."

"Maybe. You ever did this before?"

"Mostly sold to my friends in high school."

"Yeah, who was your connection?"

"Not important - fact is, you gotta stay in business, and I wanna hit the streets again. I'd be good for ya."

"Strange thing, kid, ya look more like an honor student."

[HOLY IRONY]

"Just my cover - good honest face gets me anything I want."

"You're funny - I like that."

"Hey, what's life if ya ain't got a sense of humor. So, how do ya wanna do this - where do I get my wares, so to speak?"

"I'll get 'em to ya - pays 20% of the take. Sound good?"

"Heck, yeah. Ya live around here?"

"I prefer to not disclose that - let's meet somewhere more discreet. Ever hear of the Schachter Motel?"

"Oh, yeah, that dump on 47th Street, looks like a housin' project."

"It might as well be - got more niggers in that place than on B.E.T. Get a room out there - I'll reimburse ya - meetcha tomorrow, about 8 am."

"The morning?"

"Yeah, little shitpots in school at that time - ya gotta be ready for the afternoon rush."

"Oh, yeah."

"Tomorrow - Shachter motel - 8am - what name ya usin'?"

"Chuck Smith, I guess."

"No, make it Bates."

Chet laughs, "Bates?"

Me-n-Eddie laugh at it, too. This guy is pretty stupid. No wonder he can't hold down a job.

"Hey, like ya say - what's life without a sense of humor. Better finish your drink and get lost. Don't wanna get anything suspicious."

"Right - see ya."

"Yeah."

Chet gets back in the car and we take off.

"So, how'd it feel, kid?"

"Wow, it felt great. I hope I fooled him."

"No worries there, I just hope we get adjacent rooms?"

"For what?"

"Video surveillance for one thing. The minute Dr. Feelgood walks through that door with your stash, we wanna nail him and get everything on video. No jury's gonna get all PC and let 'im go if they see everything."

"Right."

"Let's get home first, set up everything we'll need, then off to the Schachter. May as well be ready to give this slug a good morning punch he'll never forget."

Wouldn't ya know it - tons of rooms available. Chet was right, too, this place was a dump, and looked like a housin' project. Chet signed in under the "Bates" name, raisin' an eyebrow from the desk clerk. Me-n-Eddie sign in under the usual Smith and Jones thing.

MOMENTS AFTER OUR HEROES LEAVE THE OFFICE AND HEAD FOR THEIR ROOMS, THE DESK CLERK PICKS UP THE PHONE.

"Hey, Juan, it's me. Yeah...yeah, the kid just got here - two other characters looked like they were with him - they got a room next to his, named Smith and Jones. Let's see - the older guy got a hat, suit, the whole thing, the younger guy, maybe his kid, lookin' like he was born in a gym. Not too shabby, that body...what's that.....you're kidding! That's them? Shit, I never knew what they looked like! So, you gonna keep your distance - lay low or something?"

THE VOICE ON THE OTHER END SAYS,

"Not on your life - I'm gonna be ready for those assholes, you just wait. They're gonna get more holes in them than in a nigger's window. Thanks for the tip. You'll be off duty by the time I get there, but I'll take care of ya - see ya."

HOLY HORRORS - MIKE, EDDIE, AND CHET VICTIMS OF THEIR OWN TRAP? WILL THEY AT LEAST WEAR THEIR BULLET PROOF TEE-SHIRTS? EDDIE LOOKS PRETTY HOT IN HIS - BUT WILL THEY DO ANY GOOD? WILL THEIR TRAGIC FATE BE BROADCAST ON WORLD'S WILDEST POLICE VIDEOS NARRATED BY THAT ANNOYING HOST WITH THE WHINY VOICE? KEEP THIS WEBSITE UP AND GET READY FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER - OR, MORE APPROPRIATELY - STAY TUNED!

CHAPTER SEVENTY The Deviant Diabolical Deacon

2006-07-04T08:19:00.000-07:00

WHEN WE LEFT OUR HEROES, MIKE WAS AT MISSION CONTROL, MONITORING THE EVIDENCE EDDIE WAS SENDING VIA HIS DIGITAL CAMERA, SNAPPING PHOTOS OF WHO THEY NOW KNOW TO BE THE SEXUAL PREDATOR, THE DEACON HIMSELF. EDDIE WAS CAUGHT IN THE ACT OF CATCHING THE DEACON IN THE ACT AND WAS KIDNAPPED AND CHLOROFORMED. MIKE SPRANG INTO ACTION AND HE IS NOW ON THE WAY TO THE CHURCH TO RESCUE EDDIE AND WHICHEVER CHILDREN ARE FALLING PREY TO THE DIABOLICAL DEACON.

MIKE - I arrived at the church just as the last congregate was leaving. Noon is the last Mass here, so I imagined all the doors were about to be locked. And I was right, too. I started prowling the place, looking for an open window - anything, that was gonna help me rescue Eddie and this kid and deactivate this deviant, diabolical Deacon.

EDDIE - I woke up feeling woosy - it took a few minutes or so to get my bearings and I looked around - - and THEN...I found myself tied to a crucifix, wearing nothing but a loin cloth. "Holy de ja vu, not this again." I remembered very well my ordeal with Mike's ex-boss who had me chained in this position. But these were just ropes, and I figured I could break myself outta these. I had to, that kid was in deep, dark danger - so was I, but I didn't care about that. Scotty had to be saved, and I was just the boy to do it, too. As I started to struggle with my bonds, the Deacon walks in, with a goon at each side of him.

"Well, now, my fine detective - got yourself in a spot of trouble, I see."

"You should know - you put me in it."

"Uh-uh-uh...I'm afraid you have it all wrong - it was you who put yourself in this trap. Snooping around as you were, trying to find out who was really the predator of these fine prepubescent cherubs. Yes, it was me, and now you know, which is exactly why you're in this position."

"So, you're gonna torture me, eventually rubbin' me out so the truth can't get out, well guess what! Those images I snapped are being sent straight to the authorities, and they'll soon be on you like white on rice."

"Is that so? Charming, I'm sure. You consider yourself quite the saviour, do you not?"

"You bet I do - it's what I was put on this earth to do, to serve and protect the good citizens of this town and to vilify vicious vermin like you, to bring you to justice where you belong."

"Dear me, quite the Christ complex we have."

"It's no complex, it's the truth - Jesus lives in all of us, even you, if you'd only embrace that and use your position for the good of others instead of your own perverted needs."

"Ah, so you think He lives in all of us - you, too, eh? Which, again, is exactly why you're in this boat. I know you can't see it from your vantage point, but there's a sign above your head, which reads, and I quote, "King of the Snoops". It doesn't have quite the ring of "King of the Jews", but it'll do. And since you're so, pardon the expression, HELL BENT, on thinking you're Jesus, well, there's only one way to authenticate your claim."

"Which is why you have me tied to this cross."

"Not just tied."

At that point, my heart began to race, sweat started pourin' down my head. Does this malicious maniac have in store for me what I think he does? All right, Robinson, get ahold of yourself. Holy occupational hazards, but whatever it takes, whatever the dear Lord has in store for me, I'll accept.

One of the Deacon's goons was sent to another room and came back with some sort of apparatus. He handed to the Deacon and he brandished it in front of me. It looked like some sort of weapon, but I wasn't sure.

"I bet you thought I was going to nail you to that thing. Well, not really, after all, we still need these things for more official use."

He pressed a button and I was hit right in the palm of my hand with a sharp object. Was it a dart? Was it a nail after all? I let out this scream and was writhing, struggling to free my other unwounded hand when that was hit, too. He shot my ankles with this deadly device, too.

"You fiendish FRIAR, what have you done to me?" It hurt so badly I couldn't catch my breath and my voice began to crack.

"Just some thumb tacks, my boy - industrial sized. This gun wasn't of a high enough caliber to shoot straight through your hands and feet, but as long as you're in pain, that's enough for me."

"You satanic sadist, take these things outta me!"

"In three hours, my boy. You should probably expire by then. Oh, by the way, if you look over here, you will notice my congregants putting up another crucifix. That would be for your beloved mentor, Detective Batz! He should be over here soon, if that last photo we sent was any indication. I am sure he's on the way over here right now. So...off we go and lie in wait. After all, a watched gumshoe never surfaces."

MIKE - As I crept around the church, I could hear voices. My God, it's where they got Eddie - it must be. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see a door slightly ajar, so of course I went for it, but slowly and carefully. I took my piece out and kicked the door open, yelling FREEZE and that's when I saw Eddie. I went straight for him and considered the tacks in his hands and feet.

"Holy Mary Magdeline, Mike, am I ever glad to see you! Get these outta me, they're killing me. It's the Deacon all right, he shot me with tacks and said I was gonna die in three hours."

"Oh, no, not you, Kiddo, THEM! Brace yourself, this is gonna sting."

EDDIE - and they did, oh, boy, and how, but it didn't matter, it would pass. Mike yanked the tacks outta me and I was bleeding a bit, but that would heal. After all, it was time to leap into action. I'd see to my wounds later on. Mike untied me and asked if I was all right. I said I was now that he was here. I was facing the doorway and Mike was facing me and didn't see what was behind him. It was the goons ready to chloroform him, too.

"BEHIND YOU, BOSS-MAN - WATCH OUT!"

MIKE - I turned around and saw the goons about to attack me and I got them both with a punch. Eddie jumped into the fray and we pulverized each of them, grabbing them and sticking the rag to them. Eddie growled, "now let's see how YOU maggots like it!" and they were unconscious. We cuffed their hands and feet just in case they'd wake up and prevent us from pulverizing the preacher, which we set out to do. We locked these guys up and took off looking for the kingpin. We found him, we had him cornered and shouted for him to surrender, but he had a piece of his own and opened fire on us. We ducked, none of us was hit, lucky for Eddie, 'cuz he was wearing nothing but a loin cloth at the time, and I knew that wasn't bulletproof. The Deacon ran out of ammo and started to run and we gave chase, Eddie running a little bit ahead and leaping for his feet, throwing him down on the ground and holding him while I swooped in and put the cuffs on and read him his rights.

"You are now under arrest on numerous counts of sexual assault against minors, and two counts of attempted murder of officers of law enforcement. You have the right to remain silent. If you give up that right, any thing you say can be held against you in a court of law....."

"Yes, yes, yes, I know my rights, but I'll relinquish them. You have enough evidence against me that I shall just plead guilty and am willing to do my time."

"Wow, just like that?"

"No sweat, kiddo, we take anything we can get."

"But what was all this...."

"I have a serious problem, Detective Robinson. I know it and have known it for some time. I wanted you to catch me, figuring it would be better somehow if I were forced to seek help for my problem, and I only inflicted pain on you and defamed the character of Fr. Stephens to ensure I'd get a stiffer sentence and never walk the streets again."

"You mean you went through all this..."

"My only other recourse was suicide, which our church does not permit, and I felt myself too weak to surrender on my own recognizance, so this way, I'll express remorse for my sins, pray to God for mercy and forgiveness and never be lead into temptation again."

"Gosh, Mike, what do you think the courts will do with him? Go easy on him?"

"I'm not sure, kiddo, that's up to them. Our job here is done."

EPILOGUE:

We then took Fr. Stephens back to the archdiocese and he was vindicated and granted the right to resume full duties with the church. The Church Lady was even happy to see us, as her life was no longer in danger. She apologized for her actions toward us and asked if she would be arrested, too, as an accessory. I assured her that wouldn't be the case she was under coercion at the time. She thanked the both of us.

We also attended Mass the following Sunday - it was the first one Fr. Stephens had said after his vindication.

"Ladies and gentleman, and boys and girls who are here today, I must thank you all for your prayers and your letters of support during my ordeal. It was very hard on my heart, mind and soul to think I would be stripped of my purpose in this life."

He paused, bowed his head, and his voice began to tremble. I wasn't sure if he was gonna get through this next part.

"And I especially want to give thanks to our Lord, for directing me to a former parishioner, Eddie Robinson and his partner, Mike Batz - the two detectives who solved this case, and even put their own lives on the line, so the quality of my own life could be returned to me. If it weren't for them, I wouldn't be standing here right now. May God bless you both - uh, please stand so the congregants can see you."

MIKE - We looked at each other and felt a little modest. The real reward in this Job is the Job itself, but, okay....we stood up and the crowd applauded us.

"Holy Lone Ranger and Tonto, Boss-Man - no easy modest exit here, huh?"

We looked around and smiled and nodded, even gave a little wave. All of these people applauding and smiling at us, showing their appreciation, their love.

It's what life is all about.

CHAPTER SIXTY-NINE - Appropriately Enough

2006-07-01T06:25:00.000-07:00

EDDIE - Mike got it all set up that I'd be posing as an altar boy, seein' if maybe we can catch this deviate in the act. I do like working around kids, and stuff, heck, sometimes I still feel like one myself. Anyways, the Deacon gave me my choice of masses to serve on Sundays, and I chose noon. After all, one does need his hunk sleep - as opposed to beauty sleep for chicks. I was introduced to all the other kids at a special meeting for them, and a lot of them said I was pretty tall to be looking like an altar boy, but then we gave them the football schtick, so that was good with them. After the first mass, as I went back and changed outta my robe, the Deacon came back there and was tellin' me, "good job, my boy - no one really noticed."

"Aw, that's good - this is the first time I really worked undercover - usually, me-n-Mike just swoop in and bust the bad guys - I gotta admit, I kinda like doin' this - I used to go to Mass every Sunday - maybe I'll start it up again".

With that, the Deacon smiled a real big smile and firmly put one hand on my shoulder and patted my back with his other hand, "glad to hear it, son, glad to hear it."

The kid I served with came into change, too, but walked in kinda nervous-like. I guess he didn't wanna interrupt or anything. The Deacon turned to him and said, "Not to worry, I'm just leaving - just thanking our new Altar Boy for stepping in. See you kids later."

I looked at the kid and said, "somethin' eatin' you?"

He stuttered and looked away, saying, "uh.. no...I just got a lotta chores to do at home, I gotta get goin'." and just took off like a shot.

Later, me-n-Mike went for our run - get some physical fitness in and talk about the case, although I think the case was more on my mind than anything - 'specially that kid. I figured I'd run it by the Boss-Man.

"Anyway, this kid was all nervous, even during the Mass, just kept lookin' away, not sayin' much, then when I tried to do a little small talk, he just bolted."

"Ah, well, kids are nervous around new guys, that's all. I'm sure once he gets wind of your charm, he'll be putty in your hands."

"I dunno, man, he seemed pretty scared."

"There's always next Sunday."

"Gosh, another week. What if this pervert strikes again in the meantime? I think it would've been better if I was disguised as a counselor or something, spend more time at the church."

"You could get into some activities during the week, can't ya - I mean, isn't that what you were doin' before?"

"Well, I could hang around the activity center - I remember they had backetball and all that other stuff."

"Basketball, eh? Sure would be hot watchin' ya run around in that uniform."

"Who would you disguise yourself as - my dad?"

"Oh, yeah, that's it, kid - play the age card again - thanks a heap - just for that, I'll race ya!"

"You're on!"

And we ran 10 laps around the track, Mike beatin' me by a nose. I was a little winded I gotta admit.

"So, who's your daddy now?"

As I stood stooped over, my hands on my knees, catchin' my breath, I looked up at him with this huge grin, "you are".

Mike bent down and kissed me on the lips. He sniffed.

"Mmm - a little ripe there - me, too - come on, kiddo - let's hit the shower".

I loved takin' showers with Mike - the water was always not too hot or not too cold - just perfect. I got my whole body wet, then turned to face Mike while he lathered me up, first my face, then my neck, down to my chest, where he rubbed my nipples for a bit, then down my arms, my pits, my groin, my cock, my balls, the shaft, my legs - all over. Then he turned me around and lathered up my backside. After I was all rinsed off, he made beautiful gentle love with me. His freshly-washed cock inside me, slidin' back and forth. I leaned forward and held onto the wall with the shower head spraying on both of us. I moaned, and even purred a little - even growled somewhat. Aw, yeah, he was such a bear with this thick, hairy chest rubbin' up against me as he made love. We both contracted, moaned, grimaced, and both came together. I gotta admit I was pumpin' my own while he was at it. It was beautiful. I turned back to face him and the two of us just kissed and took turns licking each other's nipples. While he was licking my nipples, I bent over and licked his neck, then we took the other's face into the other's hands and just gazed. We were like star-crossed lovers. Each time always felt like the first. Beautiful. We ran together, showered together, made love together, and now, we were gonna solve this case together. Can an all-american boy ask for anything more? I know I sure don't. I got everything I need in life just staring me in my wet face.

Day in and day out, there I was hangin' around the activity center at the church, nothin' much happenin', but, gosh, it sure did take me back to the old days. Everything looked exactly the same - it was like the past bunch of years hadn't gone by. As I walked around, it was kinda like Monroe's character in that movie about the desert island. She was marooned for 5 years, then came home. I really love that scene where she's walking around the backyard and feels like cryin' 'cuz she's so happy to be back, then she spots her kids across the way - 5 years older. Gosh, that's a touching scene. I guess I'm just a romantic softy at heart.

Boys usually don't get those kinda feelings - they're too busy bustin' bad guys and lookin' out for their men, 'cuz, ya know, I'll tell ya, sometimes the man gets himself in a little deep and needs his boy to get his back. I take pride in that - I was put on this earth to bring safety and comfort to others, and I thank God every night for that gift. It means everything in the world to me to be chosen to protect and serve.

Speakin' of servin' - it's back to the Noon Mass for me. Man, that day rolls around real quick. I was servin' with that nervous kid again, only this time, I think he was tryin' to tell me somethin'. He looked up at me with real puppy eyes, being about 6 inches shorter than me, it was pretty easy. Anyway, he stammers the word, 'detective'. He was addressin' me, but I told 'im to call me Eddie.

"Oh, okay. Uh, Eddie...."

"What's up?"

"Can I tell you something?"

"Sure, anything."

"It - - it hurts..."

"Uh, what does? Your throat, your tummy?"

"...no....it's that man..."

HOLY WITNESS PROTECTION - the kid's confiding in me - I hope he's not gonna tell me what I'm afraid he's gonna tell me.

Right then and there, the Deacon walks in - "hello, there, boys, havin' a little chit-chat are we? Well, it's good to get to know some of the kids here, Eddie..."

He firmly puts his hands on both of our shoulders.

"Glad to see it, boys, glad to see it. Good job out there again, kids, appreciate the service."

"Oh, well, hey, you're welcome - glad I could help out."

And I looked down on this kid who's eyes were just as wide open as mine when I stared at the barrel of that AK-47 recently. It was a look of almost terror. I could be wrong, but it was kinda disturbing.

"Oh, uh, could you excuse us, Detective? I need Scotty's help with something out near the altar."

HOLY SET-UP - That kinda made me jittery. Scotty looked at me with sheer terror, for sure.

"Really - anything I can help you guys with? I'm kinda free this afternoon."

"No, no, no, you've, heh-heh, done quite enough for this parish, Detective. I'll see you next Sunday."

"Maybe before then, I've been having a good time hanging around here during the week, too."

"That's all well and good, but I think the two of us can handle ourselves here, boy. SEE YOU NEXT SUNDAY."

"Oh...right..." I said, makin' like I was leavin', but I wasn't - really.

Nosiree - I stuck around, went around the corner and peeked back as the Deacon took Scotty back with him. I stayed 10 to 20 paces behind, thank God I had sneakers. Now I could really sneak. When it looked like the two of them were alone, that's when the Deacon made his move. And that's when I was makin' my move. I took the camera out and started snappin' some photos - some real sick stuff, too. I'm not gonna describe a thing - I'm a detective, I'm in the business of law and order, so I can see these things objectively. Sure as shootin', it's upsetting - in fact, I felt my heart breaking and I felt my fists about to form, but I started snappin' pics and sending them to Mike, who was monitoring the computer back at headquarters. After gettin' a bunch of evidence, I was about to leap into action when the Deacon turned around and saw me!

MIKE - It was about 1:00, I'd say, and I was watchin' the PC for anything that was coming in - sure enough, it was. God, it was awful. I'm just gonna leave it up to you readers to imagine what was goin' on at that time. I'm preachin' to the choir here, I know, but if I described what was bein' sent to me, what Eddie was snappin' up, it's sure to get the attention of some folks out there that don't need to read the likes of that from us

I know what the subject matter is and I was saddened and outraged by what the Deacon was doin' there, but at the same time, I couldn't have felt more victorious. The Padre's claim of innocence was a true as I am to truth, justice and the American way, if these J-pegs were any indication.

I was cheerin' Eddie on as one image after another appeared.

"All right, kiddo, that's the way - you got 'im, boy - - ya got 'im...oh, this is so GOOD!"

Then there was a photo of the Deacon looking back and catching Eddie in the act of catching him in the act.

"uh-oh,- not so good...Get the hell out, kid - get out with your life."

EDDIE - As the Deacon met eyes with me, I became enraged and leapt into action.

"You keep your scummy hands off that kid. I know it's you now - I have evidence that's been sent straight to the authorities."

"Oh, really - well, if you wanna snap some more pics, I suggest you look behind you."

Too late - somebody held a rag up to my mouth, and another guy grabbed my camera and started snappin' photos of ME!

MIKE - HOLY CRAP - they got my boy - gettin' the hell to the church - like RIGHT NOW!

AS MIKE SPEEDS OFF, HE HAS NO WAY OF KNOWING HOW THE DEVIL HE'S GONNA FIND EDDIE - IF HE DOES, AT ALL - AND WHAT IN THE NAME OF GOD IS IN STORE FOR HIM. SORRY THIS HAS TO GO ON TO THE NEXT CHAPTER - BUT WHAT THE HELL ARE YA GONNA DO, YA KNOW?

CHAPTER SIXTY-EIGHT Kiss of the Crimefighter Part 2

2006-06-28T20:41:00.000-07:00

WHEN WE LEFT OUR HEROES, THEY WERE BOTH SHOT WITH MACHINE GUN FIRE IN PURSUIT OF A SUSPICIOUS CHARACTER. IN SUSTAINING THEIR WOUNDS, THEY LOST CONTROL OF THE CAR.....

MIKE - Getting popped in the chest, I lost control of the car - I had no choice but to let it crash into a dumpster in a nearby park. I'd swerved into one to avoid crashing into any traffic that may have been around. The car finally stopped. Thank God we had a warranty. I was about to call AAA, but first, I wanted to see about Eddie, who was sitting with his head back, gasps and moans coming from his sweet, tender lips, his face contorted in agony. I needed to get him out of the car and into some fresh air. I got out, and started to walk around the front of the car to get to his door, when I stopped, was about to fall over, clutching my chest as this stabbing pain overcame me. I clutched my chest with one hand, felt no wet spots, felt no blood running down my body or on my hands, so I reasoned my bullet-proof tee-shirt had stopped the ammo, and I was right - I'd felt a few chunks of something inside my clothes. I leaned on the car with the other hand to support my weight, and then, after a few seconds, I regained my sea-legs and went to see about Eddie.

EDDIE - Holy slam-dunk! My chest felt like it was on fire - I was hurtin' so bad I couldn't even move my hands to clutch my wounds. I just sat there, paralyzed, at least in my head, it felt like it. I sat with my head back, eyes closed, continually grunting and moaning, 'cuz it hurt like I can't describe. It's like I was beaten to a pulp in a gangfight. Gosh, this was horrible. I heard my car door open. It was Mike.

MIKE - I opened the door and took hold of Eddie - I tapped his face a little just to rouse him. He was still alive, thank God. I lifted his arm to put around me as I'd carry him out of the car, but he let out this scream, so I scooped him up, let his arms hang by their side, and picked him up that way and gently lay him on the ground. I ripped his shirt open - it was already riddled with holes, anyway, and I felt his tee-shirt, and there was also some chunks of metal. Thank God, the bullets were stopped from penetrating his chest. He was gonna make it. I guessed it was the impact of getting hit so hard so fast must've winded him real bad. I gently removed his tee-shirt and saw only a couple of marks, no bullet wounds, no bleeding, his skin wasn't even broken. I gently rubbed his chest. Instead of groaning and grunting, he was now smiling.

"Oh, yeah, that's good, that's real good. Aw, that feels wonderful."

As well it should - it was my healing touch. I bent down to kiss his injured area, and he was starting to feel better.

"How ya doin', kid? Yer gonna be okay."

"Aw, I think I am already."

"Do ya think you can sit up a little?"

"Yeah, lemme try."

EDDIE - I sat up and it still hurt a bit, but I wasn't gonna let this get to me. As all of us crimefighters know, ya gotta play through the pain, and I was gonna, and I did.

"(gasp) Holy shell-casings, Mike, did ya get hit?"

"I did, but it didn't get through. The shirt stopped it, like it did for you."

"Gosh, what a relief, I was really scared."

"It's gonna be allright, kiddo. Thank God we had the shirts, and thank God we have a warranty to get this baby fixed, and thank God we escaped what coulda been a terrible tragedy, just like always."

"Yeah, just like always. Ya know, God is really smilin' down on us all the time. No matter what goes on, we always bounce back together."

"Cuz we're good guys, kiddo. We're good guys."

"What now, though, Boss-Man?"

"Well, we gotta get this thing in the shop, and just take a breath or two back at the house. We'll get these guys, don't you worry about that."

MIKE - We take care of business. It wasn't easy, having to call the tow truck, then taking a cab back to our place, but before we knew it, it'd just be another memory - like it is now. We get back home and spot an envelope, addressed to us, which was slipped under the door. I pick it up.

"Watch it, Boss-man, it could be a letter bomb."

"Good point."

We slip on our protective gear - goggles, gloves, and we change into new bullet-proof tee-shirts just in case the shards hit us in the torso. I slowly peel back the flap on the envelope and empty the contents, which was only a photo with a note that read:

FOR YOUR INVESTIGATION.

"Holy cold creeps - someone knows we're on the case - but who?"

"Look. This is the church's return address."

We looked at the photo and we were shocked. At first glance, it seems as if someone had caught Fr. Stephens in the act. Eddie was overwhelmed, "holy hoodwinks. How could he do such a thing? He blatantly lied to us. What the heck is his game? And why are you still staring at it?"

There was something about it I couldn't take my eyes away from.

I kept staring and I muttered, "disturbing..."

"Oh, you bet it's disturbing. All that time I spent around him as a kid, and he could've gone for me...unless he didn't wanna touch me because I was already USED GOODS!"

Eddie threw a couple of punches at a wall and was shouting. He let his emotions overcome his sense of duty and I couldn't stand back and let this happen. He was letting himself disappear in this - I thought about calling him off the case, but he's my partner and I never want to take his work away, and I sure as hell wasn't going to let him throw it away, either. I grabbed the kid and he started to wrestle a bit, "Mike, please..." Then I surrounded him, and kissed him - I took his hands and put them on me, I made him feel my coat, the one I always wear on the beat. It seemed a drastic move, but I had to reach in and grab his inner Robin, his inner detective. It was the Kiss of the Crimefighter and he needed that because I needed him.

I shout at him, "Eddie - it's not the preacher - it's not him!"

"Well, who the heck is it, then, huh? Who is it?"

"Take a closer look. Something looks a little odd about the jawline. We're gonna blow this photo up."

Blow it up, we did. We scanned the image, saved it to a computer program and increased the size, sharpening, descreening, the whole shot. I grinned that shit-eating grin I always grin when I'm right about something, and by God, was I ever!

"It's a picture of a picture on top of a picture."

"Of course, I see what you mean. Someone took a picture of Fr. Stephens' face and stuck it on whoever's ravaging that poor kid."

Eddie fell silent for a second. "And to think I had Father tried, convicted and hung just on the strength of a blurry photo. Gosh, I feel miserable." Eddie leaned on his arms on a table, and I walked over and put my hands on his shoulders from behind. "That's all right, kiddo - anyone else woulda thought the same thing."

"But I'm not anyone else - I shoulda been a better gumshoe than that - this guy was the greatest to me back then and I just turn on him."

I grinned and said, "Nah, only for a second - I timed ya! Now, ready to hit the church and kick some major ass?"

"Thought you'd never ask! Let's hit it!"

"Good, 'cuz I just got an idea - we stake it out for a while, go kinda slow, see? Sorta infiltrate the establishment, if you will."

"Sounds cool."

"We'll set up a sting with the Deacon. You're gonna spend some time around the kiddies, check 'em out, see if they'll talk."

"That's cool - I'm pretty good with kids - but what's my disguise, am I some sorta school counselor or somethin'?"

"Not quite - I remember you tellin' me that lack of funds forced the school to close down, and the students were scattered to other schools around the area."

"Holy cutbacks!"

"Exactly. So, in addition to kids who show up for church events and the like, there are also altar boys on Sundays - that's where you come in."

"What? Mike, I'm too tall - I can't pass for a kid."

"You've seen a lot of overgrown 13 year-olds before, right?"

"Well, yeah, but...."

It was fun watching his face change expressions, ranging from confusion to utter bewilderment.

"...an Altar boy? How'm I gonna fit in?"

"We'll set it up that you're the rather...athletic type - took a lotta vitamins in your time - pretty good shape - hopin' to get a football scholarship for high school. Also, when you're snoopin' around, be sure to take my digi-cam. When ya snap a photo, just press this button here, it'll automatically send the image to our e-mail address and I can monitor stuff from here."

"Holy mission control. Just hope I can pull it off, 'cuz...what if I get found out?"

"Not a chance in hell, man, it'll all be set up with the Deacon."

"Do you think he can be trusted?"

"Come on, kiddo, he's a man of the cloth - if ya can't trust a....."

Suddenly remembering the nature of the case we're working, I felt like an idiot.

"If the wrong people get wind of me, and my cover's blown, they might take some - - pretty heavy action."

"That, my boy, is a chance we'll have to take. We gotta go in there and get Father back his life...while possibly paying the price of our own."

Eddie rubbed his fist, "Right, Boss!"

"We must away! We gotta get to the church ON TIME!"

CAN OUR HEROES PULL THIS OFF? EDDIE POSING AS AN ALTAR BOY TO INFILTRATE THE ESTABLISHMENT, AS IT WERE? WILL HE BE THE NEXT VICTIM OF THE MYSTERIOUS BACK-DOOR MAN? KEEP READING ON, FOLKS. IT ONLY GETS WEIRDER FROM HERE!

CHAPTER SIXTY-SEVEN - The Kiss of the Crimefighter Part 1

2006-06-17T18:08:00.000-07:00

Me-n-Eddie had a great night last night. How was yours? You know, I don't ever wanna go through this with him again, but I gotta tell ya, the reunion sex was fantastic. I knew I missed him, but I didn't know I'd missed him that much. Aw, holy crap it was a long, hard...time.

Sorry - I just kinda like the word play. Anyhow, we were back in business in all respects.

The doorbell woke me up - it was about 10 - and it was a UPS guy, kind of a cute, hunky kinda kid - it was hot out that day, so they let 'em wear shorts. He had the sleeves rolled up on his uniform shirt and he was kinda sweaty. I gotta admit, I kinda stared at him through the keyhole before I actually opened the door. He did something that drove me wild, and Eddie does this, too, once in a while. He'd take one of his sleeves and wipe the sweat off his brow with it. The sleeve rides up and you can see a bit more upper arm. Can't go wrong with that. Anyways, I sign for the package, while looking at his package, and it was just what I ordered. I'd kinda forgotten about this, 'cuz I had, ya know, other things on my mind the last few days. It was a stash of special tee-shirts I'd had made special - bulletproof tee-shirts -.

Eddie walks in the room, yawning and stretching, "'mornin', Boss - who was that so early? It's like the crack of dawn."

"Eddie, it's 10 am"

"Yeah, like I said"

"You know, heroes always rise with the sun."

"Then why do so many bad guys do their stuff at night?"

I didn't have a comeback for that, so I grinned at him and says, "okay, you win this one. But JUST this one."

He grinned back at me. He was looking pretty fine this morning, too. As always, a super tight shirt, no tee underneath, but that was gonna change PDQ.

"Eddie, you're lookin' real hot today."

"Well it is almost 90 degrees."

I walked over to him and whispered, "naw, that's not what I meant and you know it. Come here, beautiful..."

And I grab him and start kissing his lips, real soft-like, "you're so hot" (kiss) "gorgeous" (kiss), "studly" (kiss) "and I'm gonna keep sayin' this til you believe it yourself."

Eddie was kissing me back, "I believe...I believe"

"You look amazin' in that shirt, but I think it needs an accessory."

"Aw, yeah? Whatcha got in mind?"

I break away and get one of the tee-shirts.

"This - I want you to start wearin' these from now on - we both are."

"Gee, black and white tee-shirts. This feels kinda thick. I might sweat bullets in this."

"Better to sweat bullets than to take 'em."

"Huh?"

"You remember us readin' one of our guys took one for the team a couple of weeks back?"

"Yeah, but he's all right - his vest stopped the slug."

"Exactly - only I had a better idea. I figured I'd have tee-shirts made of the same fabric. Vests do a good job, a lot of bad guys aim for the chest or the stomach, even the back, the cowardly ones do, anyway. There was a guy, an innocent guy, had a kid with him in the car, someone opened fire, hit him in the upper arm from the side. The bullet ricocheted and tore through his heart and one of his lungs, killing him instantly."

Eddie froze at the thought, "go-o-o-sh. I didn't think an arm wound could be that bad."

"Dependin' on the type of slug, the speed of the shot, yeah, it can wipe ya out right on the spot. Kid was only 6 years old and he saw his dad die right in front of him."

Eddie suddenly grew chilly and brought his arms up to his chest, each hand rubbin' the other arm, as if to hug himself. "(gasp) Holy nightmare, just the thought of it."

"And I don't want any of that happenin' to either of us. With these babies on us, sure it's gonna hurt like hell, but all we'll get is a couple of bruises. You remember that dame that got us both good in the ribs and we both lost a lotta blood. Now, I've been thinkin' - sure, layin' down our lives for the Job is a part of it, but it's a part I'd as soon put off as long as I can, 'cuz we both got long lives ahead of us and there's a lot of evil out there for us to fight, and I wanna be around as long as I can, and I don't wanna see you cut down in your prime. I don't wanna lose ya like I thought I did at that art gallery."

"Or like I thought I was gonna lose you in that dame's house."

"Exactly - if you hadn't stuffed your shirt in my chest, that woulda been it for me. But let's wear these things - let's stick around for each other, huh?"

Eddie pursed his lips and nodded, "absolutely".

I paused and a mischievous grin spread across my face. "Ya wanna, uh, model one of these? Ya know, try it on for size - see if it fits?"

Eddie grinned back, "Aw, boss, you are a little devil, aren't ya?"

"Here, try one of the white ones. I love how white contrasts with your skin tone. Gets me ev'ry time."

Eddie puts on one and models it - MAN, does he look good.

"Ya know, I really love how this fabric feels against my body - real smooth."

"Ya know, I really love how this fabric looks against your body and how it makes me feel - all wet and hard."

Eddie rolls his eyes and groans, "awwww, Boss-Man...."

The doorbell rings - guess ya know what that means - not that we ain't popular and don't have people over for the heck of it, but nine times outta 10, it's trouble.....

I open the door and there's a priest standing there.

"Uh, hi, somethin' I can do for ya?"

"Is there a Robinson that actually works here?"

I'm lookin' at this one suspiciously and I'm a little uneasy.

"Sure."

"Is his name Edward? Is he what could be in his early 20's by now?"

I'm gettin' freaked out here. I know this one's a priest, but what gives here?

"Uh, yeah, there's someone here like that. Whatcha need?"

"I need to see him myself. Just to be sure."

"Okay, I'll call him over here - hey, Eddie - someone here to see ya!"

Eddie walks over to the door, "What's up, Mike? Oh...oh my God - - Father Stephens?"

"You know this guy?"

Eddie was lit up like a Christmas tree - "Wow, DO I! He was pastor of my church when I was a kid. Well, whaddya know! Come on in, Father. Great to see you again."

We walk in to the living room and "Bing Crosby" here was happy to see Eddie happy to see him, and all, but he said, "it's nice to see you, too, and I'm glad you're the Robinson in the name of this agency, for, you see, this isn't exactly a social call."

"Gee, I get it - you're in trouble or somethin'?"

"Yes, and it's the worst ever. This is happening to a lot of us in my community. So many lives have been damaged by this sort of scandal. You never think it would happen to you, but it's now happening to me, hard as it is to believe."

"Uh, I don't getcha - what's goin' on?"

"I've been asked to step down from my duties due to allegations against me of sexual abuse of minors in 1985."

Eddie's face was now as white as a KKK meeting.

"What? I can't believe it! YOU?"

"Yes, I'm sad to say."

"But..you couldn't have done it."

"Yes, I know, son...I didn't. Serving God was all I ever wanted to do with my life, nothing else mattered. I wouldn't have ever dreamed of doing anything so heinous."

I interjected, "Preacher, if you can remember back to 1985, is there any incident you can think of where you might've gotten physical with some kid?"

"Mike, what are ya sayin'?"

"I'm not saying a thing - I'm only building a case for the preacher's innocence."

"Did you have a favorite student there? Were ya kinda friendly to some and not to others? Maybe you might've hit a kid for actin' up."

Then Eddie steps in, "For the record, all I can say is you were always good to me. You made my childhood a lot easier to deal with. You never hit me for anything."

The preacher smiled and said, "well, you never deserved it. You were a perfect student, never caused any trouble. You never got into any fights in the playground, you always broke them up. You were so protective of some of the other children."

I was amazed, and muttered to myself, "Hell, even then."

"In fact, I was so hurt and shocked for you when I heard you were expelled from the police academy."

Eddie smiled and said, "thank you. But me-n-Mike got it all straightened up. It was all a frame-up and my name was cleared - -just like we're gonna do for you."

"But you didn't go back and become a police officer?"

"Well, in the meantime, I met up with Mike, here, and he helped me become a Private Investigator. As much as I dreamed of becoming a cop in those days...I think the best thing happened. If I'd gone on, sure I woulda been in uniform right now, but I wouldn't have had such a rich and meaningful life if not for how ev'rything happened. I wouldn't have met Mike, I don't think, and I wouldn't have learned as much as I have about law and order if I'd stayed."

"He ain't just whistlin' dixie, Padre. The kid's a crack gumshoe."

"I beg your pardon."

"He's one of the best detectives around. Has a real keen eye for this stuff. This boy was born to fight crime. As a uniform cop, he wouldn't have been in a position to help you out here as he is now."

"That's right. Father, it would be a privilege and an honor to give you back your good name."

He sticks his hand out and the preacher responds, by shaking his.

"Oh, Edward, I always believed in you. I always thought you were such a good boy. I was right."

"And I'm right about you, and we're gonna prove it, isn't that right, Mike!"

"Absolutely."

"Thank you both. Oh, here's where I'm staying for the time being. You can reach me anytime at this number."

"Will do."

The preacher leaves - Eddie sees him to the door.

"Father?"

"Yes?"

Eddie then put his hand on the preacher's shoulder and looked deep into his eyes.

"We're gonna get you your life back. I promise."

With that, the preacher gave Eddie a bear hug and nodded his head on the way out.

You do know I had my reservations, though. This sorta thing happens all the time, and, well....

I was pacing back and forth, in deep thought.

"Mike - Mike, what's the matter?"

"Dunno, kid. I'm not sure how we can prove his innocence."

"I believe him - that's a good head start. Do you?"

"I'll keep an open mind and remember that all are innocent until proven guilty."

"There is no guilt to prove - I'd stake my life on that."

"It's just that this sorta stuff happens all the time and, you never know, he could just be sayin' all the right things, here. You don't suppose he's hidin' anything, puttin' up a front - puttin' on an act?"

"Trust me, this is no act. I'd seen this man appear in school plays - he was awful. But seriously. I know what you're sayin' and I know where you're comin' from, but this is not a man who molests children. He really took the edge off my troubles as a kid and, heck, I even looked forward to school every day - that's why I did so well, I guess. Father gave me a reason to hang in there and do something good with my life. I wanna return the favor - give him a reason to hang in there, too."

I looked into his eyes and I could see real passion, real conviction. The boy really believed in the preacher's innocence and who was I to doubt that - even for a second. I put my hands on his arms and said,

"You really believe in this guy, don't ya? You've always had a level head, you've always had a good eye for stuff, and, while I have to remain impartial until all the facts are uncovered, I do believe in you, and I'll work with ya, goin' after the truth. I just need you to promise me that you won't become emotionally involved. It's a good thing, you wantin' to help a friend of yours, but ya gotta keep away from this gettin' personal."

"Oh, I will, Boss-Man... I will."

"And remember - you're a Boy Crimefighter first, and ev'rything else falls a dead second."

Eddie looked at me, then cast his eyes downward, inhaled deeply and let out a heavy sigh.

"You're right, Mike. It's just that I want to prove his innocence, is all. I just want him to be innocent. He just has to be."

"One step at a time, kiddo."

A visit to the local archdiocese seemed promising. We figured they'd not only tell us who it was that lodged the complaint, but also let us talk to this one ourselves. No dice.

"Good afternoon, I'm Detective Batz, this is Detective Robinson. We're conducting an investigation into the allegations against Father Stephens."

"Yes, what about him?"

"We'd like to interview the one or ones who filed this complaint against him, just to get their side of the story."

"I believe you already have that side. The injured party has filed a claim of sexual assault against Fr. Stephens and we're looking into it."

"You mean right now - as we speak?"

"No, of course not. We have many duties to see to from day to day. These things take a good amount of time and must be handled delicately and properly."

"Meaning what? Are you also using private investigators."

"The Church has deemed it unnecessary to utilize the services of outside parties. We are investigating the matter ourselves."

"Now, look here, Missy - how can a bunch of priests decide if one of their own is a perpetrator? We're trained in this sort of thing. We can read between the lines during an interview. We can hear things in statements that an ordinary layman can't."

"Detective Batz is right - which is why we've been asked to check this matter out, and we need to talk to this - what you call an injured party - maybe we can scoop out something, hear the chink in their armor, so to speak."

"We have already interviewed the injured party and we're conducting our investigation based on that claim, and we have requested Fr. Stephens to step down until our investigation is over."

"Which makes it sound as if you think he did it, hidden away like a fugitive until you guys think he's innocent. Doesn't the constitution dictate otherwise?"

"Detective Robinson is right. Innocent until proven guilty. My God, wealthy murder suspects are free to be chauffer-driven down the streets until the day they're hung, and one mild-mannered priest has to go into hiding. I just don't get this whole thing."

"Who is it that hired you to pursue this investigation?", asked the Church Lady (sorry).

"That's confidential information - investigator-client confidentiality."

"Well, this is parishioner-archdioicese confidentiality. I cannot allow you any information on the injured party, and even if I could, I'm not certain I would."

I thought to myself, "heh - injured party - how would this broad like to be an injured party herself!"

"Now, you gentlemen have taken up much too much of my time. I am a very busy woman with a full day's work ahead of me. Please remove yourselfves from my office - good day."

"Good God!"

THE BOYS LEAVE THE OFFICE AND THE CHURCH LADY GETS BUZZED ON THE INTERCOM. "Yes?"

"Did those two pseudo-cops take a hike?"

"Yes, they've gone. I don't think we'll be hearing from them anymore."

"Good. You know, it's a bitch about that one commandment - Thou Shalt Not Kill"

"Grant you, they were pests, but enough to deserve to be killed?"

"Well, they're dicks - gettin' rubbed out is an occupational hazard with them."

"I assure you, that wouldn't be a proper way to handle them. They were just doing as they were asked, just like I was."

"And you handled that beautifully, but one more word outta you, and I'll have to find a loophole around that commandment - savvy?"

"Yes. Savvy."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

So as we left, totally empty-handed, Eddie says, "so what's our next move here?"

I stare straight ahead, crossing my arms, squinting.

"we wait"

"Of COURSE! A stake-out. Maybe we can catch up with the Bishop and talk to him ourselves."

"Great minds do think alike."

We sat for what felt like hours.

Eddie said, "someone's got to come out of there sometime."

And come out they did - a figure all dressed in black and wearing....a wool cap? This time of year? And sunglasses yet. He also had what looked like two bodyguards.

"Can it be the Bishop?"

"Well, he is dressed in black, boss, but it sure is funny him wearing a cap like that on a day like this - OR... it could be a detective for the other side."

"A nemesis if there ever was one. Good thinking, Eddie! Let's hit it - see what this guy's up to!"

We follow their car for a few blocks, and catch the driver looking in the rear-view mirror right at us. He looks to the passenger seat and the passenger, one of the bodyguards, maybe, starts looking back at us, too.

"Damn it! We've been made!"

"We gotta keep goin', Mike. Whatever goes down goes down."

"Absolutely."

Then it got real interesting. The car started making all kinds of turns, speeding up, slowing down, even.

"The rat - he's teasing us!"

We made every move they did. We stayed right on their tail. Then one of the bodyguards leaned out the window and brandished a handgun and began to fire at us. We were in the bullet-proof car, after all - good thing. Those handgun slugs just kept bouncing off, but I began to worry. The bullets could ricochet and hit an innocent bystander. Luckily for us, there was no other traffic around, but still.....

The passenger went back inside - all that was on our windshield was a little gun powder from the shots.

"You okay, there, Eddie?"

"Never better, Mike. I guess this one ran outta ammo and they'll be stoppin' for us real soon. Then we'll finally get to the bottom of this."

Then the bad guys accelerated their artillery. Eddie got a glimpse and gasped.

"HOLY ARSENAL! AN AK-47! What'll we do? Is the glass strong enough to withstand it?"

"I hope so, boy. Better cover your head, though, just in case."

"What about you?"

"I gotta drive this thing - I gotta see. You're wearin' your tee-shirt, I hope!"

"Sure am! You?"

"You bet your sweet ass I am. Nothin's gonna get us. Hang tight.

The bodyguard opened fire. Eddie shouted out, "HOLY GAUNTLET!"

That's just what it was, all right. Bullets flew left and right - still deflecting off the car, thank God, only a few slugs hit the windshield and they were bouncin' off, too, at least for a few minutes.

THEN - they must've reloaded - they began firing again. They must've loaded more gunpowder in the rifle, for one of the bullets, almost as big as my......my hand, actually cracked the windshield. Eddie covered his head and face up with his arms. A tiny fragment of glass bounced off and scratched Eddie on the hand.

"OW! MIKE! IT ALMOST GOT IN! THE WINDOW'S CRACKED!"

The firepower intensified.

"HE SWITCHED TO MACHINE GUN MODE!"

As Eddie looked in my direction as he said that, a couple of bullets hit him in the chest and I was hit a couple of times, too. We both reacted, shouting, we were both hit pretty bad. I lost control of the car.

"WHAT'S HAPPENING!"

"I can't stop this damn thing. I'm afraid we're gonna crash!"

IS THE END OF THE DAPPER, DASHIN' DETECTIVE AND THE BUFF BOY FRIDAY - THEIR WATERLOO - THEIR NORMANDY?

IN ANY CASE, THIS IS NOT GOING TO BE A DAY AT THE BEACH FOR OUR GORGEOUS GUMSHOES.

READ ALL ABOUT THE GRISLY GRUESOME DETAILS IN CHAPTER 68!

CHAPTER SIXTY-SIX - Lonely Little Lads

2006-06-12T04:30:00.000-07:00

MIKE - When Jake burst into the house, making one last vain attempt to shoot me-n-Eddie, he did get me pretty good - a graze to the ribs, but I was gonna be okay, Eddie really saved the day, jumpin' on him and wailin' the tar outta him. The last few days had been very painful for me. I really missed my boy in my arms in our nice, soft, warm bed, his nice, warm, firm, ripplin', rock-solid body next to mine, his nipples which I love to lick, his torso which I love to caress, to hold, I love the feeling of my hands on his arms, and his hands on my arms. We'd switch back and forth, burying my head in his chest, or the other way around. That had all been missing the last few days. I felt my boy didn't want me anymore. I mean, he had a hot young prizefighter goin' down on him, so what did he need me for. I did somethin' that in my life I never did before. I walked away. I gave in. The fight with Jake just now, with Eddie by my side, Eddie had my back, taught me somethin'. You never walk away, you fight to the death, you let your enemy know you're not gonna take anything lyin' down. You charge at your enemy, you look your enemy in the eye and throw every punch you have in ya. God, I was dumb - I was lettin' AJ win, I was lettin' all my insecurities win, I was fightin' with Eddie when I shoulda been fightin' for him. I realized all of this when Jake burst into the house. As Eddie might tell ya himself, when Robin was drugged and was against Batman, he didn't fight him off, he dug his heels in and fought for him, and he won. That's what I was gonna do. I went right for the hall closet and dug out our bat-suits - naw, these weren't for sale anymore - I didn't even put it up on e-Bay just yet. My boy was gonna wear this and be back with me if it took every last breath from my body. I want my boy back and I'm gonna get him. I was startin' to get the suits out of the closet when I caught a glimpse over at the guest house. I saw him cryin'. He lowered the shade on one of the windows, but I could still see him in the other one before he lowered that shade, too. "My God", I thought to myself, "he's all upset. I better race over there and get him back before it's too late."

No matter what it took, the two of us were gettin' back together. I was pretty rough on him, and I was all wrong for it, too. I'd give anything if Eddie would just forgive me. I didn't care about catchin' him with AJ anymore, all I knew was Batz & Robinson were gonna ride again. I swooped into action, racing across the way. I walked into the guest house and went straight for the bedroom. Eddie was fast asleep. Didn't matter, he could sleep later on - next to me. It must've been pretty warm in there because he was sleepin' in the raw on top of the sheets. Then, outta the corner of my eye, I spotted somethin' - it was a bottle of pills. Pills? They were knocked over, some of the pills fell onto the floor. There was a pad of paper on the nightstand, I picked it up to see if anything was written on it, and sure as shootin', it was a note that said, "Mike, I....." and then nothin'.

Holy Sweet Mother of God, the kid's tryin' to off himself. What if he was already dead? I tried to wake him up - nothin', but at least his body still felt warm - good sign. I kissed him a few times, shoutin' his name - come on, Eddie, wake up!

"My God, he's unconscious, he's not movin'!" I was too late - why did I let him leave the room? Jesus Murphy I'm the stupidest guy alive, why'd I walk away and say good night? Why'd I let him go? Why didn't I make up with him right then and there? Why'd it take me so long to realize what I had to do to get him back? Now you've done it, Batz. Ya killed the love of your life. Ya happy now? Oh, so strong and proud, ain't ya - not so right now, are ya, ya putz! What was I gonna do? I turned my back and wept buckets. Punches, bullets, ropes, nothin'...nothin' hurt as much as this. My boy was gone and it was all my fault.

As I sat sobbing, I heard a groan in the back. "My God, it's Eddie, he's still alive!"

I turned around and grabbed him, shaking him awake, "come on, Eddie, come back to me, come on, snap out of it!" I begged. He opened his eyes.

"Mike, what's...what's goin' on?"

"Oh, Eddie, I thought I lost ya there, but you're back now, you're gonna be okay."

"I'm back? I'm gonna be okay? What're ya talkin' about?"

"These damn pills ya took! Why'd ya do it?"

"Pills? I - - "

I grabbed the empty bottle and scooped up the pills off the floor. "These. Ya took all of these, didn't ya - just because I threw ya out. Eddie, I had no idea you were that broken up. I'm so sorry."

Eddie started to regain his sea-legs and thought for a minute.

"Oh, gosh. No. Mike, ya got the wrong idea. Read the label."

I read what it said on the bottle. Somethin' about 1 each night. It was a prescription, dated in April 2005.

"You takin' medication? For what? Robin never woulda..."

"Remember the universal bat-antidote, Mike. I only took one, got groggy and knocked the bottle over after I took a sip of water. I have chronic insomnia."

"Insomnia?"

"Yeah, I could never sleep a wink - not on my own, anyway."

"Were you takin' these all this time? I don't get it. You always slept like a baby with me."

"Well, that's because you made me cum so hard, I always just passed out."

Oh, I had to let this one sink in. I thought for a sec and then a huge smile came over my face and I chuckled, "I did, huh? Heh-heh, how about that!"

"It relaxed me - that and the fact that I had my head on your warm, sturdy hairy chest. It was better than down."

I still didn't get this insomnia thing, "how did you get insomnia? How long have ya had it?"

"Ever since I could remember. I couldn't ever get to sleep, even when I was a kid. I couldn't sleep when my mom and dad were fightin', when he slugged her and I jumped up and slugged him back. I was a bad-guy buster even then. I couldn't sleep when they were fightin', I couldn't sleep when he was out all night and mom was drinkin' non-stop. I lay there with one eye open, waiting for her to moan, or to fall down and I had to go out and pick her back up and take her to bed. I couldn't sleep when they finally split up and she had other boyfriends over to the house. Then when my dad kidnapped me and I was tied up in that closet. I couldn't sleep when he kept sayin' he was gonna get rid of the dead weight - meanin' me. He didn't wanna pay child support and offin' me was gonna be his way out. Then you came in, rescued me. You slammed the door open, I saw your coat swing back and forth, as you stood spread eagle, bendin' down to grab me. Ya swept me up in your coat, your arms around me, I hung onto you for dear life. You said, 'come on, kiddo, your mom's been worried', and ya took me home. That was the first time I slept for real in a long time. I hung onto your arm and slept on it as ya drove me back, then we got home and ya carried me in, brought me back to my mom. I just loved you so much, but I didn't know the way I loved you. I thought ya might be my new dad. My mom thanked you, you tipped your hat to us, and rode off into the sunset, your black coat swingin' back and forth as you walked. I had nightmares for years after that, then I finally went to see someone about it, and then the doctor gave me these pills. I didn't take very many, 'cuz that's when I met up with you again. That night at the hotel, when we got together and styaed together. I didn't need them anymore. You rescued me again. You were my hero again. You've always been my hero. I've always loved you."

He grabbed me and held on so tight, just like he did as a child.

"Oh, God, Mike, I've missed you. I know I did somethin' wrong and I'm real sorry about it. I never meant for it to happen. AJ was just all broken up and I just looked at him and tried to comfort him. I know I stared at his pic and thought he was hot-lookin' and all, but I had no real feelings for him. He was into me, and ev'rything, and I kept tellin' him this was wrong and he went down anyway. I saw that look of hurt on your face, and I've been real broken up about it ever since. Mike, I don't know how I can ever make it up to you. I don't wanna lose you, Mike, please don't leave. I'm sorry, I'm sorry......"

He cried buckets. Just like at the closet. Just like at the hotel. I could see that I was ev'rything to this boy. This boy was ev'rything to me. We held each other like there was no tomorrow.

I stroked the back of his soft, warm, sweet-smelling hair, saying "ssh - it's okay, let it out. I'm right here. Your Boss-Man's right here and he's never goin' away again, that is, if you want him to stay."

Eddie pulled back and looked at me, "Of course I want you. Why would ya think otherwise?"

"Look, kid, I carried on the way I did 'cuz it seemed like all my worries were right."

"Worries?"

"Yeah, In the back of my head I always wondered what ya saw in me. I know how ya felt about me when I dug ya outta that closet, and all, but your love for me went beyond hero worship and I sometimes thought you could do better. Ya know - bein' around a broken down old man like me."

"What makes ya say that?"

"Come on, kid, I'm at least 20 years older than ya. You're always so wide-eyed, gung-ho, ya really love life, and I had to wonder was I suckin' the life blood outta ya."

"No, way. Ya put the life blood back into me, not only bein' my hero when I was a kid, but havin' the chance to actually give ya back what you gave me. It's like when a cop saves a kid's life, pushin' him outta the way of a speedin' car, the kid never forgets and grows up to be a cop, too. I wanted to do good for others just like you did. Outside of your physical attributes, you have the most beautiful heart. I see how ya look at people when they come in askin' for help, I see ya lookin' so hurt when it turns out they were stringin' us along, lurin' us into a trap, and ev'rything. You have such sweet soulful eyes, a really warm voice, you're a great protector. You've dedicated your life to the good of others and you make people feel as safe as you do me, and I think that's so beautiful and I thank God ev'ry day 'cuz I'm right there doin' that with ya. Yeah, there's still some hero worship but I also got to know you as a man, as a powerful, gentle lover, as a friend. It takes a real special kinda guy to do all that, and you are that, and....then ya have me there. You took a chance on me. I always wonder if I'm good for you."

"If you're good for me?"

"Sure. I mean I'm a good fighter and all. I'm pretty strong, I work out and have the muscle and all, but I get insecure, too. You're the best and I wanna be the best right with ya and I wonder if I can cut it sometimes."

I had to chuckle when he said that. "Geez, what're ya talkin' about? You have the same thing inside you as I do. You're a hell of a crimefighter, you're the best partner I've ever had. You're my Boy Friday. Sure, I love my work, but since you came along, ya made it - - well, ya made it more fun. I sometimes smile when I see ya gettin' all excited about a new case and the way ya throw yourself into it. That sweet smile of satisfaction when we win one, the passion that comes across ya when things don't look so good, 'cuz you, too wanna make the world a better place and you're such an all-american, ya got such a great body."

"Yeah, well, the body's okay, I guess. I never really looked at it much. Sure I got muscles, but that's cuz I need to stay in shape - I wanna fight crime for the rest of my life. It's what I'm s'posed to do and I love it. I only look the way I do 'cuz that's what heroes do - it's to show the bad guys we mean business. I never thought it turned anyone on."

"You're serious!"

"Yeah, I mean, I appreciate the things ya say about me, and all, but I didn't start gettin' in shape to meet some guy, that's icin' on the cake, but...when we got together the first time, I wanted to work with ya and I thought you were hot, I never thought I was such a turn-on. I'm just this big, goofy-lookin' kid with stars in my eyes, is all."

"You don't know. You've never seen yourself as I see ya. As AJ saw ya...Skip, or anyone else for that matter."

"Naw, I can't say I have. I'm just doin' my job is all. My body's a tool for the job, it's like an office supply. Heck, even the way I dress is part of it - we gotta move around a lot when we get goin'. I never, ever knew what that was doin' for other guys, and it's sweet when they tell me, and all, I mean, who wouldn't blush when someone gets a crush on them, but....all I am is just this kid who got lucky and really loves what he does...and who really loves you. We're like a couple of lonely little lads who found each other."

I smiled from ear to ear, my eyes brimmin' with tears.

"Eddie, I dunno what to say. I'm...moved, touched. Choked up."

He leaned in and wiped my eyes with his fingertips.

Then I stopped for a second, scooped up his stash of insomnia pills.

"You're never gonna need these again."

I walked over to the bathroom and flushed the whole thing down the toilet and tossed the bottle out. I walked back over to Eddie with my arms outstretched. He looked up at me kinda quizzical. I smiled and nodded to him. He gets up and embraces me, and I do likewise. One arm around him...I stroke the back of his head with the other. I kiss his neck.

"Welcome home, baby...welcome home."

CHAPTER SIXTY-FIVE - SLEEP PRETTY DARLING, DO NOT CRY

2006-05-31T16:24:00.000-07:00

WHEN WE LEFT THE DASHIN' DUO, MIKE CAUGHT EDDIE RECEIVING ORAL SEX FROM AJ AND PUNISHED THEM BOTH, HANDCUFFING THEM TO THE BED WHILE HE WAS TAKING JAKE TO PRISON WHEN HE DETECTED JAKE WAS THE RINGLEADER IN AJ'S KIDNAPPING. THE KIDNAPPING PUT MIKE AND EDDIE ON THE CASE AND THEY WERE LURED INTO A TRAP DURING WHICH THEY WERE SHOT WITH POISON DARTS AND LEFT TO DIE. EDDIE DID DIE, BUT WAS SENT BACK TO EARTH AS IT WAS THE WRONG TIME. MIKE AND EDDIE RESCUED AJ. JAKE AND AJ ASKED TO STICK AROUND AND HIRE THE DUO AS BODYGUARDS FOR THE REST OF THE TIME THEY WERE IN TOWN FOR AJ'S MIDDLEWEIGHT TITLE BOUT. AJ CONFIDED IN EDDIE ABOUT THE ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN HIMSELF AND JAKE. AJ LET EDDIE KNOW OF HIS FEELINGS FOR HIM AND SEDUCED HIM IN MIKE AND EDDIE'S BEDROOM! ALL THIS WAS WHILE MIKE EXPOSED JAKE IN HIS LIE AND WAS GOING TO HAUL HIM OFF TO PRISON, ESPECIALLY AFTER JAKE ATTEMPTED TO CAPTURE MIKE AT GUNPOINT AND MURDER HIM, EDDIE AND AJ. MIKE HEARD MOANING COMING FROM THE BEDROOM, THOUGHT EDDIE WAS IN PAIN AFTER BEING PUNCHED OUT BY AJ EARLIER IN THE DAY. MIKE WALKS IN AND FINDS THE TWO TOGETHER, THEN HE HANDCUFFS THEM TO THE BED WHILE HE BRINGS JAKE TO JUSTICE.

NOW WE SEE THE TWO FORMER SIDEKICKS STILL CHAINED TO MIKE AND EDDIE'S BED. EDDIE IS CRYING HIS EYES OUT. AJ TRIES TO COMFORT HIM, BUT EDDIE WON'T HAVE IT. IT WAS AJ GETTING CLOSE THAT STARTED THIS WHOLE MESS IN THE FIRST PLACE.

EDDIE - This was an unbelievable nightmare. Chained to the bed with a guy that Mike caught me with. In my whole time with Mike, this was unthinkable, unconscionable, unreal. Yet, it happened. I wasn't dreaming, this was real. This was painful. I wasn't worried about Mike murdering me - that I could take, but to have to live out the rest of my life with our relationship at an end, with Mike forever hating me. I may as well have stayed dead in that back room at the gallery, for all the good my actions were doing me now.

Mike walks in and stares at us. He spoke to the two of us, but in a subdued monotone. It was unlike anything I ever heard out of him.

"Boys. Please forgive me for my earlier actions. What I witnessed was so painful I lost control of my emotions. I'm sorry I hurt the two of you."

He unlocks our handcuffs and orders AJ out of the house. He recommends a motel.

"I don't ever want to see your face again. You get out of here. I hope all goes well with your title bout in a couple of days. You're young and you deserve a good career, but I never want to lay eyes on you again."

AJ leaves and Mike closes the door. I rub my wrists and grimace, just like all the other times I was trapped and then set free. Then, I was ready to leap back into action, right by the side of my Boss-Man. Only, now, it was my Boss-Man who locked me in this position. I said nothing. Only sat, waiting for word.

"Eddie, please look at me."

I looked up at him. His eyes were wide open and bloodshot. His lips were pursed. His face bore the tracks of wiped-up tears. He tried to avoid his voice breaking, which is why he spoke in such a tone as he did.

"Eddie, I've come to a decision. For the time being, I will allow you to continue to aid in my work as a Private Investigator. You are intelligent, well-spoken, strong, you're a very good fighter, and you will serve me well as a partner in this agency - until the time comes when I can raise enough funds to buy out your share of Batz & Robinson PI. Then, you are to either leave town, or go into another line of work as I cannot have you in this town working as a Detective. The buy-out contract will stipulate that very clearly."

Tears came to my eyes.

"Boss-Man, please...this is my life's work, please don't take away..."

"I'm taking nothing away. You gave it all up. Your actions told me you no longer had the desire to work and live in partnership with me. You will never call me Boss-Man again. I will never call you kiddo or my Boy Friday again. Those were pet names for the man I loved, and you are no longer that man. You are also no longer a boy - you're going to be 24 years old this year. I think you've outgrown chasing after a guy who pulled you out of a closet when you were 6 years old. You've just now proven that this was all superficial hero worship. If you ever had the love in your heart for me as you claim you had, you would never have allowed AJ Buckner to get as close as he was. This is the last we'll say about this matter. You will still work here until your share of the business is sold. Just always be on call whenever a case is brought to our attention. Now, please leave my bedroom. You will now sleep in the guest house out back. I don't ever want to see you on my bed again, is that understood?"

I was taking this whole thing in - not believing it for a moment. I couldn't - it was too much. All I could do was just nod my head and mutter "yes" when he asked me if I understood what he said.

"Also, please don't ever speak to me unless you're spoken to, is that also understood?"

I stared silently.

"I'm speaking to you, Eddie, please respond."

"Yes."

MIKE - Eddie left the room. I sat on the bed and cried some more. He's right, I was crying earlier. It took me a while to get back after I tossed Jake in the slammer because I had to get myself together. I drove out to a spot that me-n-Eddie would sit and stare at the stars at night, and thought, prayed, and wept. I didn't want to do this. I hated saying those awful things to him, but I didn't know what else to do. What I really wanted to do was to just grab him and cry and beg him not to leave me for AJ. I had to stay in control, though. I had to act as if it was my idea to end our relationship. I didn't want it to end, but if it had to, I was gonna be the one to do it.

See, I'd always had this worry in the back of my mind that Eddie's a lot younger than me. I wondered what he saw in me. Was it just a little hero worship gone long? Did he really love me? Now that I caught him in bed with AJ, the question burns even deeper in my mind. I could sweep it under the back burner before, but not this time.

Days had gone by with no cases to solve. AJ's fight was gonna be tonight and then he'd be gone. There was an awful silence in our home. I ordered Eddie to not speak to me unless I spoke to him and I had nothing to say. That's not true, I had a ton of things to say, but none of them seemed worth saying.

EDDIE - We lived separate lives for the first time since we moved in together. I watched TV on my own, I ate my meals on my own. I worked out on my own. Me-n-Mike had separate bedrooms now, but occasionally we had to be in the same house together and that was real awkward. I'd sometimes look at him and my mouth would be movin', trying to form a word or two, but I stopped myself. The condition for my staying around would be that I wouldn't speak unless he spoke to me first.

MIKE - I'd avoid eye contact with Eddie when he was in the room, and when he walked out, I would look in his direction, my mouth wanted to say something. I even felt myself moving a little bit in his direction. I wanted to run after him and grab him, hug him, cry on him, have him wipe the tears off my face, but I couldn't do that. I know it meant my possibly losing Eddie for the rest of my life, and I know I was being stupid, but I couldn't break.

I did talk to him once. I called him over to the hall closet. I'd been standing there for a while, staring at the Batman and Robin costumes. Eddie showed up at the closet.

"What's up?"

"I need you to help me take a picture of these. I'm putting them up for sale on E-bay and I need a good picture."

EDDIE - I was a wreck - I wanted to scream out loud 'You're selling these? Ya can't do that! This is our life! This is who we are!', but I guess it wasn't who we were anymore. I stayed silent, except to mutter, "sure thing".

MIKE - Sure thing, he says! Is that it? My God, I was taking away one of the things that meant the world to him. Then again, I did slap that gag order on him. Silently, we took the shirts, tights and capes off their hangers, I took Batman's gloves and cowl off the closet shelf, Eddie did likewise with Robin's gloves and mask. Utility belts, boots and trunks followed. Everything was photographed and stuck in a box now.

"We'll just leave it like this for now until I get the winning bid, then we'll just wrap it up."

"Sure thing", then Eddie was on his way back to the guest house, making no eye contact, but I stopped him.

"Eddie", then he turned and looked at me, "uh, you don't have to sleep in the guest house, just take one of the other bedrooms here".

He nodded his head and said, "sure thing. Thanks."

MEANWHILE, AT THE AUDITORIUM, AJ'S TITLE BOUT WAS TAKING PLACE. IT WAS A TOTAL TKO IN THE SECOND ROUND, AJ EMERGING AS THE REIGNING CHAMP. ALL THE HOOPLA THAT FOLLOWS ANY CHAMPIONSHIP FOLLOWED - WELL WISHERS, INTERVIEWS WITH SPORTS CHANNELS AND NEWSPAPERS, ETC. AJ COULD FORGET HIS HEARTACHE FOR AT LEAST A BRIEF PERIOD OF TIME. THEN IT WAS BACK TO HIS DRESSING ROOM, WHERE HE SHOWERED AND CHANGED,AND PACKED. HE WAS GOING TO TAKE A CAB BACK TO THE AIRPORT AND GO BACK TO WHERE HE CAME FROM, TO START UP A NEW LIFE, HAVING NO IDEA WHAT WAS TO FOLLOW. HE LEAVES THE AUDITORIUM HEADED FOR THE STREET WHEN HE'S SUDDENLY SHOT IN THE BACK, DROPS HIS LUGGAGE AND FALLS FACE FIRST. HE LOOKS UP AND SEES JAKE WITH A LOADED GUN AND SCREAMS, "What the hell!" AND IS SHOT TWICE IN THE CHEST.

MEANWHILE, BACK AT THE HOUSE

EDDIE - I knew Mike probably didn't wanna talk to me right now, if ever again, but I had to take a chance on it. I wanted to clear the air and didn't care how he'd react. This was a couple of hours after we packed up the Bat costumes. I'd been crying in the other bedroom, I was in so much pain I couldn't take this anymore. I'd passed my limit, even though I knew I brought this on myself, I didn't care. No one should have to suffer this much, no matter the fault. If Mike slugged me or shot me, it didn't matter. I had to talk to him.

"Hey, uh, Mike, I gotta talk to you."

Mike was sitting on a recliner with a drink, reluctant to look at me, "okay, so go ahead..talk."

"This isn't easy for me. I never thought I'd ever go through this with you. It was the very worst mistake I ever made, I've been crying these last few days, you have no idea."

"No more so than me. What do you think it did to me to see you two together? It's like there was a different guy there, someone who looks and sounds like the man who is and always will be the love of my life, but he wasn't there, it was....I don't know who you are these days."

Mike started to cry, "Aw, God-dammit, Eddie, why the hell did ya do it?"

"I don't know. I guess I felt sorry for AJ for all the crap he was takin' from Jake..."

"Oh, so it was pity sex?"

"I never intended for that. I just realized he was hurtin' and I wanted to heal that. I was hopin' he'd break away from that guy. He had no one to listen to him and I was just reachin' out. He came to the bedroom to see if I was okay after he flattened me, and felt bad about what he did, and he looked at me. I got scared, 'cuz I didn't like that look. I didn't wanna just push him away or anything, didn't wanna hurt him even more, so I thought I'd give him a quick peck to ease outta there, then he went for it, then he started goin' down, and the next thing I knew....Aw, what can I say? I don't love him. I don't wanna spend the rest of my life with him, I just wanted to comfort him, and it got outta my hands."

"So...now what?"

"What do you mean?"

"What are ya gonna do now? What do you want?"

"To get back with you. To regain your love, your trust. Be your Boy Friday, your kiddo. I'd give anything for that."

Mike started to get up and leave, "you'd give anything? You don't have what I need. Good night."

At least I tried. All hope was lost now. All I could do was just stick around until Mike could buy me out, then, go off into the world, I guess. Right now, I just needed some sleep, so I went to bed, too, but not before I prayed, "Dear God, I know what I did was hurtful and wrong, but if I could only go back, if I could only change everything. Ya gotta tell me what to do, I've done all I can think of. If you want this for me, and I hope you do, 'cuz I only want for myself what you would want, please, give me back my Boss-Man. I need a miracle, God, please."

MIKE - A couple of hours later, I couldn't sleep. Sleepin' alone gives me insomnia. Anyway, I went downstairs and made myself another drink. Anything to calm my nerves, God knows I needed my rest. It's been impossible around here, not lettin' Eddie back in. Then I heard this crashing sound in the living room. I ran out to see what was up, and the worst horror I could ever imagine - It was Jake, holding a gun on me, yelling to get my hands up, which I did, I was startled and scared to death.

"Jesus Murphy, you broke out!"

"You're damn right I did. AJ's toast, I slaughtered him after the fight, and now I'm gonna get my 10 mil, but I wanted to come back here and put you two bastards away, too. "

BAM! I'm hit, but not too bad, just grazed on the side, but it still stung like a mother. I took off runnin' and took cover while he kept shootin'.

"Where's that fuckin' kid of yours? I got a couple for him, too."

I leapt into action, "hey, nobody comes in here killin' my boy and gets away with it." I jump on him and we struggle, both of us losin' the grip of the gun - it slides across the room, and we both try to run after it, when I hear Jake hollerin' behind me. It was Eddie! He musta heard the ruckus, too, and jumped right on top of our assailant, wailing on him like nothing. He punches this guy so hard, he knocks him out. I shout "Holy TKO! Good punchin'!"

"Get the cops back here!", he shouts and I holler back, "gotcha!" and call 9-1-1. I go back to the scene of the capture and say to Eddie, "this bastard just told me he plugged AJ, so now he's got murder one on his head. He's gettin' the needle for this."

The cops come in and take him off.

"We'll just clean this stuff up tomorrow. I gotta get some sleep. 'Night, Eddie."

EDDIE - That was it? That was all Mike had to say was 'goodnight'? We just put away a murderer and....okay, I guess. It did feel great to bust a bad guy together again, if only for a few minutes, anyway. I couldn't sleep much, so I started to straighten up the living room, I just needed somethin' to do. I picked up a couple of chairs and made the place up like it was before Jake burst in. I was gonna call someone tomorrow to fix the front door. But I wasn't gonna worry about anything tonight. What could I do, right?

DEJECTED, A WEEPING EDDIE GOES BACK TO THE GUEST HOUSE. HE GOES TO THE BATHROOM, SEES HIS REFLECTION IN THE MEDICINE CABINET MIRROR AND SEES HOW RED, PUFFY AND WET HIS EYES ARE FROM CRYING ALL EVENING. HE OPENS THE CABINET, LOOKS AT THE ROW OF YELLOW, PLASTIC PRESCRIPTION BOTTLES AND REACHES FOR ONE. HE GOES OVER TO HIS BED, LOOKS OUT THE WINDOW OVER AT MIKE'S BEDROOM WINDOW, HOPING TO CATCH A GOOD-NIGHT GLIMPSE BEFORE GOING TO SLEEP. HE SEES MIKE'S LIGHT GO OUT AND HE LOWERS HIS WINDOW SHADE. HE LOOKS AT THE NIGHT STAND, WITH THE DIGITAL CLOCK FLASHING THE VERY LATE HOUR, SIGHS AND STARTS TAKING OFF HIS CLOTHES, EMPTYING HIS POCKETS OF THEIR CONTENTS AND PLACES THEM ON THE TABLE. HE THEN RE-READS THE DIRECTIONS ON THE PILL BOTTLE LABEL, TAKES A SIP OF WATER, THEN LIES DOWN ON TOP OF THE SHEETS, STRETCHING OUT HIS SINEWY, SMOOTH, MUSCULAR ARMS AND LEGS, GRIMACES AND LIGHTLY RUBS THE SHOULDER WHICH SUSTAINED THE DART-WOUND OF A FEW DAYS EARLIER, AND CLOSES HIS EYES.

WHAT?!?!? WHAT THE HOLY HELL IS THIS???? WILL SHADOWY SLEEP SLIP IN AND OVERTAKE "ROBIN" THE BOY FRIDAY? WILL THE DASHIN' DETECTIVE, THE CLOAKED CRIMEBUSTER GET TO HIM IN TIME - OR IS THIS THE END OF OUR DEJECTED, DEPRESSED DYMANIC DREAMBOAT? WILL YOUR FAVORITE DETECTIVE STORY WRITER HAVE TO FIND HIMSELF A NEW LOYAL, ALL-AMERICAN RED-BLOODED SIDEKICK?

SIT TIGHT, GROOVY GUMSHOE GROUPIES.

THE WORST IS YET TO CUM IN OUR NEXT CHAPTER!!!